Hello,
Looking for some words of wisdom from mums with older toddlers or children.
I have a just turned three year old. She was a difficult baby (high needs, reflux etc) but ever since she's been about a year she's been a delight. Sleeps 12 hours, napped well (down to an occasional nap here and there now, usually if she's been to playgroup in the morning she comes home wiped out) and barely a strop from her.
Over the last two or three weeks (since she's turned three but probably coincidence) she's done an about turn. I am at a loss as to why! She started doing a couple of mornings a week at playgroup after Christmas because I'm a sahm and want her to have socialisation/group experience before school. She loves it there, is always happy to go and is thriving so I don't think it's that.
She had a new sister arrive but 8 months ago, so she's well used to it and we took care to make sure she's never been left out. I have frequent 1-1 time with her, as does her Dad and grandparents who she loves. She's always involved and is nothing but loving to her sister. They're adorable together. So I don't think jealousy is a problem.
Recently, she's been being a pest for bed. She is up at 6, and has a good bedtime routine, with stories etc and in bed for 7. She used to just go to sleep, now she's up at least 4 times. "I need a drink", "I've done a wee" (she hasn't) "what are you cooking for dinner?" "Come and tuck me in" etc etc etc.
Her attitude is a shocker! She's defiant, rude (not in an adult way, she doesn't know the words) but lots of "NO!" and "MINE" and when I tell her off "don't you speak to me like that Mummy!" and "you're annoying me!" I've no idea where she got those from, we take care not to speak rudely in front of her.
She's throwing tantrums, big loud foot stomping screaming tantrums when she doesn't get her own way.
She's refusing to eat her dinner in the evening, and DEMANDS chocolate or biscuits instead (which she doesn't get!)
She refuses to let her Dad do anything for her. They've always had breakfast together before he leaves for work, it was like their little thing together while I shower and get ready for the day. Now, he sits at the table with her and whatever he's made her (he gives her a choice, initially) she refuses to eat and wants something else. He's also always bathed her, again it was a thing they always did together. No chance now. If he tries, it has to be me. She will bathe for me, but she makes a big fuss.
In short (sorry this isn't short!) she's acting like a miniature, very rude, dictator.
We don't smack or shout. But I'm no soft touch either. She gets told off firmly in a low, stern voice, she is removed from things she's doing if she's misbehaving, if she refuses to eat I take the plate away and she get yoghurt and toast instead (otherwise I'd be up all night with her being hungry) and I've started removing toys. She just does not care though! This afternoon, she was repeatedly knocking over a pile of washing I was folding. I'd told her no twice, I warned her if she did it again I'd take away her set of toys. She looked straight at me, and did it again. I took the toys and all she did was look at me and say 'you've missed piglet' and hand it over.
She is bright (I say this for context, not to stealth brag). She knows all her letters, colours and numbers, and can almost write her name. She can draw accurate people (everything in the right place I mean, she's no artist!). Her speech and conversation has been excellent for a long while and her comprehension is great. She recognises familiar words like Mummy, Daddy etc and points them out in books (we read lots). She does 30/40 piece puzzles herself, no issue. So I've taken care to keep her engaged, so she's not being silly because she's bored. She does watch a bit of television but nothing excessive and not for two hours before bed.
Where am I going wrong?! I tried to have a chat with her yesterday after I'd put her sister to bed, and we'd played together doing colouring for an hour before her bedtime. I explained why she shouldn't be doing X,Y and Z and talked about good behaviour. She got it, and was chatting away then came out with 'No Mummy I'm not going to be good I'm going to be NAUGHTY!'.
Help!
Ps thanks if you got to the end, I've waffled more than I meant to!