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Original poster

My DD (8) stole something from a shop. Really upset.

46 replies

Kokeshi123 · 09/04/2019 14:51

I just discovered a small toy in the basket under the pram.

It is the toy that my DD (8) has been whining on about every time we have gone into a certain local shop. I just checked the receipt and no, it did not get put through the till without me noticing (though sneaking it into the basket would have been pretty bad too). The best case scenario is that she walked out with it in her hand, and then was too embarrassed to say anything and put it into the pram basket when I was not looking.

She is a nice well-adjusted girl who has her "moments" lately, but gets on well with other children and teachers, and understands rules and why we have them etc. She is very caring towards her baby sis. I don't understand why she has done this and why she thought she could get away with it...?

I just did a search of my local mums' group and the only cases of kids stealing that I can see, are of kids with long-term behavioral issues like ODD, ADHD and so on. A friend of mine has a son who struggles with some significant issues and he has stolen on and off. Now I am worrying that my daughter must have some kind of serious problems going on that are coming to the surface, or perhaps something I have not noticed up till now?

She is in bed right now (we are not in the UK) and I am wondering what to say about this tomorrow morning. I have a feeling I am going to go ballistic.

OP posts:

Wallywobbles · 09/04/2019 16:39

Mine did this a lot from 2-6 I think. She had to be regularly frisked. Turn ups on her trousers, up her jumper, any where you could think of. It happened when she was stressed. I took it extremely seriously. She had to take things back. I called the shop first to make sure they didn't give her an easy time of it.

Drogosnextwife · 09/04/2019 17:05

OP don't try and sneak it back yourself, I wouldn't even take it back to the shop. I wouldn't embarrass my child like that for a first mistake. Sit her down explain to her what the repercussions could have been and why you shouldn't steal, end of. Most kids do this at some point, doesn't mean they are going to end up in a life of professional crime.

WatcherintheRye · 09/04/2019 17:44

Why can't you actually return it to head office with a letter? I seriously wouldn't try to sneak it back!

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MsJaneAusten · 09/04/2019 17:48

My son did this with a sweet when he was about four. I marched him back and made him return it and apologise and the bloody shop assistant said “oh, that’s ok, he can keep it” Argh! I was like, “that’s really kind, but he can’t”

dementedpixie · 09/04/2019 17:49

I remember stealing crisps as a child. It didn't mean I turned into a master criminal. Is there any way of her to earn money to put towards toys she wants rather than than be told 'no' all the time?

EvaHarknessRose · 09/04/2019 17:49

This is how you teach impulse control. I made the dds go back into the museum shop, put the thing back and say sorry to the staff. If you have left the place, another appropriate consequence then never mention it again. It bothers me that people think dc are fully formed and don’t need to learn.

Lllot5 · 09/04/2019 17:55

I don’t think this means she going to be a criminal mastermind. Does she have pocket money? You could not let her have any until it’s paid for.

Palominoo · 09/04/2019 17:55

I’d return the toy by post to the store accompanied by her hand written letter of apology.

Then have a chat or show her charity websites on the internet about under privileged children.

No further punishment if she seems genuinely remorseful.

PH03b3 · 09/04/2019 18:01

I take on board what you said about another country and rules etc - how about making her write a letter of apology in an envalope explaining what she did and say you will drop it off to the post box? She will experience regret just the same

Crazycat16 · 09/04/2019 18:05

DC once stole 2 items from a gift shop when we were on a day out. No idea why he didn’t ask us to buy them. It was only a pirate ring and a rubber.

He got a stern talking to. If it hadn’t been such a long journey we would have marched him back there to apologise and return them.

there is a lot of concern about foreigners being "criminals" etc., and I am worrying about the shop flagging us in some way in the future

Surely the will just flag you as being really honest to return the item to them.

Give her a talking to, tell her how wrong it was and remove the item and leave it at that. She isn’t going to become a kleptomaniac because she took one toy.

JenniferJareau · 09/04/2019 18:11

I'd make her return it in person and apologise to the shopkeeper directly. It is important that she learn the consequences of her actions and know how wrong she was.

I claimed something that was left behind by someone else on our school bus as my own around that age. I did it as I was sick of never having as much as everyone else as we were not well off and I was tired of kids all around me having things I didn't. I assumed someone would not be back for it so claimed it as my own. I was found out and it was mortifying but taught me an important lesson.

I turned out fine

BlackPrism · 09/04/2019 18:14

I stole a lot as a kid. I know now that it is wrong and would never steal anything as an adult - don't worry, give her a stern talking to and a punishment. Many little thieves turn into well balanced, law-abiding adults 😁 make her take it back and apologise to the shop owner.

BlackPrism · 09/04/2019 18:17

Give it to charity if you can't return it and make her watch you give it away.

IncrediblySadToo · 09/04/2019 18:23

She’s 8, kids do daft things. Impulse control still isn’t very firmly in place at 8, no need to worry about it being anything more than that

Given your situation I’d get her to write a letter of apology.

Then I’d put it away with the toy. Come her birthday or another event I’d give it back to her and say that they were so impressed with her honesty that they sent it back to her, BUT on the condition that she has learnt her lesson & never steals again.

Well, that’s if it’s tuppeny tat, if it’s the Crown Jewels you might need to return it 😖

In the UK I’d make her take it back.

IncrediblySadToo · 09/04/2019 18:25

Give it to charity if you can't return it and make her watch you give it away

don’t be silly, it’s not hers to give away. As far as SHE is concerned it needs to be returned to the rightful owner.

HaventGotAllDay · 09/04/2019 18:29

I stole a reading book from school at about that age because I loved books and wanted to play schools at home.

Nobody ever found out but that book, sitting on my bookshelf traumatized me every time I saw it.

I've never stolen anything since and am a teacher/deputy/safeguarding lead.

I don't think you should make a big deal and I don't think she should be made to take it back and fess up. She needs to know that you know, and that she shouldn't do it again.

Proseccoagain · 09/04/2019 20:37

I took three silver sixpences from the till in my dad's shop, I must have been about 10. Silly me couldn't help boasting about how much money I had....didn't have much pocket money in those days, being the oldest of five, but that's no excuse. Sent to bed early, parents said how disappointed they were with me and I was made to feel very ashamed. Have never taken anything else ever again. The humiliation was enough. My dad would have puzzled about the discrepancy and made it up out of his own pocket, which made me feel bad.

CatchingBabies · 09/04/2019 20:55

I stole a lot as a child, we were never allowed anything and I hated it. Grew into a normal adult with no criminal record and a professional job. It doesn’t mean anything about her future behaviour she’s just a child who wanted something and didn’t consider the consequences. Make sure the item is taken off her however you decide to it, be that returning it or charity shop as you don’t want her to have gained from the theft or she may think the telling off is worth it (as I did). A letter to apologise sounds like a good idea.

Original poster

Kokeshi123 · 10/04/2019 00:14

Well, we take this morning. I had actually calmed down completely by this point so it was a civil conversation.

She seemed very embarrassed about the whole thing, especially when I talked about how when something went missing recently from [friend's son]'s classroom, my friend's son was wrongly suspected because he has now built up a reputation as someone who steals things.

I think we will actually send it to the head office of the company in a big envelope with a letter (I guess it will end up as a mascot on someone's desk!)

Thanks for listening.

OP posts:

UnRavellingFast · 10/04/2019 00:50

Yeah you’re doing it right. I stole a couple of times as a young child (egg timer and doll). I knew it was wrong, never told anyone or got found out but hated the feeling of what I’d done and went on to be a very honest person! Don’t sweat it if it’s a one off!

Sara113 · 10/04/2019 01:08

When I was young, I took something of very little value from a supermarket. I remember doing it simply because I wanted to see if I could.

Anyone who has known me at any point in my life would be shocked by this. In fact I told a friend the story recently and she was very amused. I’m honest to a fault and the type of person that goes out of her way when I realize someone has undercharged me for something. I was like this as a child and I’m like this as an adult, with that sole exception.

All of this to say that it doesn’t mean she has a life of crime ahead of her. If that’s any reassurance!

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