How to improve your sense of self worth?

[Foreverlexicon]

Following a recent relationship breakdown my self esteem has taken a total plunge. It was short and intense and didn’t end very well.

I’ve started CBT and we’ve basically established I have 0 self esteem. I get into relationships where I’m not treated particularly well but I ignore this and glorify the good. I just blame myself for everything and tread about on eggshells.

I didn’t do much wrong in this last one ending (I can see a couple of things, I’m not perfect) but I just endlessly blame myself.

I’m actually at quite an exciting point in my life with a couple of things happening which I have been wanting/working towards for years but I’m in this depressed slump because I have no partner to share this with - doing it for myself just doesn’t feel enough.

Basically I feel utterly worthless. How do I change this? I do cool things, I do a very worthwhile job. I’m so caring and giving towards my friends and in relationships but I stil feel worthless. Help.

Be less trusting in your relationships, as you have been treated badly then you will have had your self esteem crushed. I would back away from any romantic relationships for quite a while. Look back to your own childhood and what sort of relationship models were around you. Consider doing the freedom programme run by womens aid.

Look on having had this CBT as the first step to not just being a people pleaser.

Look into your childhood and make amends with the child you were then. Sounds crazy, but it all stems from there.

You are a people pleaser which is unhealthy for you and your own self esteem.

You need to prioritise pleasing yourself and creating healthy boundaries with other people which does not mean trying to please them all the time.

Definitely no relationships for a while.

I didn’t have the best time growing up - Dad wasn’t around and my mother was an alcoholic who was emotionally abusive a lot of the time. I was blamed for my dad going away.

I know these things but I don’t know how to implement them 🙁

It would be very difficult to make the changes you need to make without help OP. Can you access counselling?

I'm the same OP, it's easy to read about how to improve self esteem and self worth, but in practice it's very difficult. I think the only way is time and being kind to yourself, practising healthy boundaries and saying no. I've realised it's going to take years to change the habits of a lifetime, and they might not change completely.

CBT is ideal for the circumstance you describe. There is a lot of work to do between sessions to get the best value out of it but it really does work.

Second CBT session tomorrow. Last time they didn’t really give me any coping strategies or exercises but I’m hoping that’s just as it was the first session and obviously they need to get some idea of what was going on?

Also waiting for a talking therapies assessment. It’s strange, I didn’t think my self esteem was so low but I can see it all now.

I find it helpful to challenge my inner critical voice and say only kind supportive things to myself. I think of it as being my own cheerleader.

So instead of telling myself I look crap or fat or whatever and need to do better I congratulate myself on a job well done or having worked hard on something and tell myself I am gorgeous exactly as I am and a wonderful talented human being 😝

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. I bet your self esteem is greater than "0" - otherwise you wouldn't care enough about yourself to embark on this.

I was blamed for my dad going away
I absolutely get this. I was blamed for my parents unhappiness, and it has left me with a deep seated sense of unworthiness.
It gets better. I promise it will. Just keep moving forward. You are doing exactly the right thing.
I think our relationships mirror our deepest insecurities, and give us the opportunity to examine, and heal them.
You'll get there.