Feeling sorry for myself. Help me snap out of it

[Upsidedownfrown]

First day of Easter break and I bloody forgot to take the kids to swimming lessons. They'll miss next week and the week after as we're away. I know it's not the end of the world but I feel so stupid. We've had swimming lessons every Mon for over a year!

And I forgot to post a letter. Again. It's been sat by my front door for a week. It's for my daughters penpal but I need to buy stamps and keep forgetting them too. And then there's the party rsvp, the online shop, taking stuff down to the charity shop, the costume needed for 1st week back, the poster my lo needs to complete, dds mates birthday present, ds new gum shield, my docs appointment, ordering flowers for mil birthday blah blah blah.

I've got to a point where I've got this huge to do list written down and never feel like I have the chance to do half of it as something else always comes up so I'm feeling all woe is me and have just ranted to dh about the good old "mental load" and shut myself in the loo cos I feel thoroughly embarrassed with myself after my rant.

(In the interests of full disclosure, I have 3 DC aged 8, 9 and 12. My eldest and youngest have autism and the youngest generally has awful sleep and will still be bouncing about come 10pm, dh is generally helpful, cooks dinner most days too but works long hours, my family are all 400miles away)

No idea why I'm even posting. Just need to get it all out as I can't tell someone irl that I'm upset I forgot swimming lessons as that's just a teeny bit pathetic.

Anyone else recently get upset about the silliest thing?

Sometimes the silliest littlest things can be the final straw, OP

Cut yourself some slack. I bet you wouldn't be so hard on your DH or your DC if they forgot a couple of things! Look at this event as a wake-up call that you have been doing too much for too long and that you need to make a change.

After the holidays, or whenever you and DH can get some free time together, go through the list of ALL the stuff that needs to be done and see what you can erase (stuff you could drop without a problem), what is important to keep (who is going to do what). For instance the ordering flowers for MIL's birthday is your DH's job, surely?

Not getting enough sleep certainly won't be helping. I have no advice there because I've never been in your situation, but I know there are autism boards here and perhaps other mums have a few tips you could try?

You could also look at an organiser app for your phone that will prompt you with reminders about stuff. There are all sorts of free ones out there - Wunderlist, etc. I have put a link below. Choosing the best fit for you will be worth the extra time you save later.

www.tomsguide.com/us/pictures-story/588-best-productivity-apps.html#s1

Good luck, OP and try to enjoy Easter with your DC. Don't sweat the small stuff

Incidentally, how much time do you get for yourself, OP? Do you get time out with a friend or a long hot bath or peace to watch a movie on the sofa with a glass of wine (whatever floats your boat).

I often feel like this.
Cut it down into chunks.
Can you order the flowers now on your phone while you are in the loo?
Give your lovely the poster to finish while you do the online shop?
Cut it into little things and it won't seem such a huge mountain.
Get the birthday present on way to the docs appointment?

lo- not lovely ( although sure they are)

I get like this sometimes op and have a dh who works away and two dc with asd. I just remind myself to be gentle with myself. You would feel nothing but empathy for a friend who is coping with what you are so you should afford yourself the same tenderness.

Just remember that there are thousands of people in jobs that do far less than you but they have Personal Assistants and Secretaries to help them be organised!

Mine are all grown up and left home but I used to use a Filofax and break everything up so that I could accomplish a few things each day rather than feel pressured at doing things all in one do and feeling a failure if I didn’t get things done.

Thank you for your lovely replies. I took myself off to bed early last night and am feeling much calmer today. Have made a to do list for each child that's easily achievable and added in some Oreo bribery.

DH is good at making sure I take myself off for a bath and a glass of wine on a Saturday evening. I work term time and have changed my working hours so that I have a free hour between dropping the kids off and starting work. Not been doing that long but hopefully that hour is going to make all the difference once I've got myself in some sort of a routine with it.

It's miserable weather down here today so I'm letting the kids have a movie and popcorn afternoon whilst I get my head down and do all the crap I can do from home and tomorrow I'm determined to do all the crap I have to go out to do.

I'm having my stupid contraceptive implant out on Friday and have been taking my new pill for a few days so I have my 7 day overlap and I reckon that's why I'm feeling so Grr atm.

Thanks you lot for being so lovely and supportive. Off to research to do apps!

Why do my paragraphs keep disappearing!!?? I promise I'm typing in paragraphs

I see paragraphs!

Be kind to yourself and have a great day

I forgot we had tickets to the panto one year. I was so looking forward to it and so annoyed with myself!

@Twisique I bet you were gutted! I love the panto!

At least it was only swimming lessons I missed. I was the only one who was actually bothered. Dc were thrilled. Came to sit at the table for dinner and DD just casually said "hey mum, weren't we meant to go swimming today?" I swear they were in cahoots and were all very much aware but made sure to keep quiet until it was too late.

Sounds like you have a good plan going forward, OP. Glad to hear you are working some self-care in there too - very important. You sound like a lovely Mum - sure your kids are happy with their holiday, lucky things! Hahaha - yeah, it sounds like they were glad to miss swimming for once

So pleased things are looking brighter today. xx

🤣😂 little buggers! 😂🤣

I could bore you with my diary/apt/to do list method, but you really don’t sound like you need it. You’ve got 3 kids, a TT job and the only thing you’ve really missed is swimming, in the holidays 🤷🏻‍♀️ The stamps don’t count. That’s the kind of crap we all shove down the bottom of the ‘list’. It’s a PITA.

I’ve no idea how affected by their ASD your two are, but getting 3 NT kids sorted is hard enough without any additional needs.

Mental Load is massively draining. Unfortunately it’s really hard for some of us to ‘share’ it. Personally I feel ‘life’ just works better when one person is on top of it all...but that’s largely the control freak in me! I can only really completely delegate the responsibility for something to someone else if it’s not at all important to me or if the result of something not being done effects me, otherwise while I might delegate a task to someone else, I retain the ML of ensuring it’s been done, properly. So, in some ways I’m my own worst enemy, but it’s just how I am 🤷🏻‍♀️😖. I have to remember that when I’m giving out because someone hasn’t ‘used their common bloody sense’ or ‘just fecking well done xyz’.

Anyway, see if YOU can be better at off loading some of the ML, whatever you can handle handing over to DH.

Where are you off to on holiday? Are you ready to go, because that’s a priority for sure! 😊

@IncrediblySadToo you sound like me! I was a bit of a control freak and felt like I needed to be as otherwise things wouldn't get done! I've been slowly letting go but obviously still need to work on it!

We're off up to Edinburgh! I used to live up that way but have lived down in Devon for the past 15 years so heading up to stay with an old friend that we haven't seen for a year. Can't wait. Absolutely not got things organised for the trip but now after my childish rant yesterday I'm just thinking 'fuck it, can't be bothered' and we'll all just chuck random clothes in a case in a panic and hope for the best (except for my eldest who meticulously plans everything. He's great at planning just not so great at execution of the plan so I'll absolutely help him as failure to follow his plan to the letter will lead to meltdown)

Edi ah well, at least you weren’t expecting sunshine 🤣😂🤣

I love Edi, it’s great! Even in the rain, fortunately.

It’s hard to let go. Even harder when you have a child that needs things done ‘exactly so’.

Can you get DS to plan what everyone needs to pack? 🤣

I love Devon too, it’s a lovely part of our country.

I hope you have a lovely break and get some chill out time with your friend 🍾🥂