Foolish/selfish/ridiculous idea??

[Ohlovelyjubbly]

Hey.... First post, be kind to me (acronyms will go straight over my head!!)

So, getting straight into it.
I've a sister who moved to Swansea for university some 10yrs ago and within her 1st year fell pregnant. Being a game changer she dropped uni and became A full-time mum to my now two nieces and ended up staying in Swansea although separating from the girls father quite early on.

Dilemma now being with the oldest niece being 7 and the youngest coming up to 5, I'd like to offer them a chance to come home where support is available through means of family and of living with my husband and I in a new house with plenty of space for all of them (as we don't have children ourselves).
The issue we have is that my sister will be technically Rendering herself voluntarily homeless and being in a house with my husband and I and enough space for all of them would put her right at the bottom of the list for housing closer to home.

As much as we are in the position to help bring her home and to give her the support she needs for an unspecified period of time we would obviously be wanting her to use this opportunity as a way of finding her feet and not as an excuse to take advantage.

Financially she has 2 ccjs Against her name which will inevitably affect her ability to privately rent And as mentioned housing them with the council would be very difficult to prove necessary and the less upheaval for the girls the better.

Now I've checked the local school and it has space at the start of their new term years and the area itself is lovely.
So that's a bonus.

My relationship with my sister is at times like a pressure cooker and this too also makes me question how we would both cope without one being able to "leave" but long term this gives her the opportunity to find work, be able to go to work (with more bodies around to help with the girls) or even back into education.

Their father is aware of my sisters desire to move back home (which is 200+ miles from where they are currently) and understands the reasoning behind it. We have also made it be known that there will be a spare room for him to stay should he wish to come to them between their visits back to Swansea.

I've explored all options and what I've found so far is;

• cross border housing exchange between Wales and England isn't possible.
• she hasn't a medical reason for the need to move back.
• it would take many years before she'll be touched for housing UNLESS we "kicked them out" which we couldn't do if it risked further disruption to the girls.
• renting privately as an option would be very very difficult due to financial background.

With all this in mind, what do you all think to offering her the chance to move home with us, or is it actually a ridiculous idea given the sacrifices on both sides?!?!

Tricky one, it's lovely that you want to help out your DSis and nieces and I can see you want to do the best for them and aren't being selfish. However there do seem to an awful lot of 'cons' vs 'pros' to them coming and living with you (loss of their current housing with little realistic prospect of getting securely housed where you are for some time if ever, loss of current friends/network/schooling in Swansea and also loss/reduction in the relationship with their Dad, which would be a major one for me). I have to say that in MN terms DH and I are unusually close to our siblings and spend a lot of time together, but even for us living with them and their DC for more than a few weeks would be too much. I think if you did this you'd have to be prepared to house them virtually indefinitely, could you cope with that? No shame at all in saying you couldn't.

Have you talked to your sis at all about this, even in general terms? What are her thoughts, is she happy in Swansea, does she want to come 'home'? What are her ambitions wrt work, further education etc? If you want to altruistically help out, it may be that a financial gift is the best thing you can do for her, perhaps the 'loan' (in reality you would probably never get it back) of enough deposit/rent in advance for them to find decent privately rented accommodation, either near you or in Swansea? You could also offer to act as a guarantor which might help get her housed although you would have to be prepared to stump up her unpaid rent if she is in unreliable employment or just terrible with money?

Or if the more pressing concern is to enable her to work or study, could you offer to meet childcare costs for the first 6 months or whenever? I can't help but feel that kind of gift would in some ways be more welcome to your sis and better for your relationship than a solution which leaves her and her children so very dependent on your ongoing goodwill. That kind of power imbalance between siblings can't be healthy! It would probably also be best to refer to any money as a 'loan' even if you have no expectations of a return, again she would feel less beholden to you?

Hope you sort it out!

I might be going out on a limb here but if you have a house big enough to house them and still have a spare room for her ex I'm guessing you and your DH are reasonably financially stable. Could you not act as a guarantor for her to privately rent? Could you lend/give a decent sum as a deposit ie 6 months rent? That might make her a better prospect as a tenant.

While I can completely see why the move could be good I would worry moving the girls so far from their dad so I genuinely hope he is on board.

The house is a 4 bed, with the girls sharing, and my sister having her own room it would leave a "spare guest room".
We are financially stable but being a guarantor is definitely not an option. In our own home we would be paying the mortgage regardless, but to put ourselves in the position to be fronting our own property and potentially a 2nd would be too much and would be a risk neither of us would take with my sisters financial history.

The girls dad is "supportive" of the move, the history there is muddy but ensuring he can see them and them him is definitely a priority, but he isn't a regular face to them as it is even in the same city.

I think at this stage, the only solution we can think of short term whilst we consider all options is to offer to put her through driving lessons (maybe an intensive course) to hopefully open up more opportunities work wise and help her stop feeling so trapped.

It's just frustrating that we want to do what's best for her/the girls but she seems to be stuck in a "system" that makes it very difficult to get out of.

Also, does anyone know how child vouchers work for childcare??? Is there an entitlement criteria for these??

Thanks for answering!!!!