Hi so I guess I'm looking for some advice and a vent.
I'm the sort of person that will help anybody, listen, and always go above and beyond for anybody. But overtime I'm realising that I actually need to take more care of myself, especially emotionally... myself and my siblings had a really dreadful upbringing, both with our birth parents and adoptive parents but I'd like to say we've all come out of the other side.
I'm a busy mum. I have three children (7, nearly 2, 10 months) and due in May with baby number 4. I'm very lucky to have a lovely relationship and for things to be running so well at home... I am generally very happy.
BUT
Every single day for like the whole of my life i have been carrying my sibling. She rings everyday and never asks how I am... even if I wasnt good I'd say I'm good thanks how are you? (I just dont like to put on others, I have a amazing partner who I share all the ugly stuff with) I just really feel like I cannot take anymore of her drama, moaning, attention seeking and generally toxic behaviour.
I'm really starting to feel like I just wish I could cut off from her and never speak to her again but I feel as the eldest sister I have to be there and be strong and try and fix everything all the time. I come off the phone a lot of the time and I'm in a bad mood or I can even cry. She speaks with a counsellor, and lots of other professionals and many of my other siblings and various friends and family members. She has to tell the whole world everything.
Recently my partner had a word with my sisters about being a bit happier when they spoke to me because I've been pregnant three times in a row so struggling with hormones, anxiety and feeling a bit low... but she hasn't paid no attention and continued to pile every single problem onto me. I really dont want to tell her the way shes making me feel because she will then turn it against me for attention from others, just like she always does.
She pretends to have illnesses and always dramatises things so o feel she has a serious attention seeking problem. She has always been the child that required all of the attention and was everybody's favourite and to be honest none of us were bothered. However as adults ranging from early to late twentysomethings we have all had enough and starting to step back because we find her draining, miserable and toxic. She tries to cause trouble with everybody and shes quite sly and clever about it... it's almost a full time job. She doesn't enjoy her children, she moans about them constantly and thinks they have things wrong with them simply because she cant be assed to parent...
Shes recently got pregnant again for around the 3rd time in a year, having abortions but this time unsure what shes doing but telling all family members for attention. I'm due in may and told her I dont want to hear about abortions please. I was so pissed off she even told me to be honest. I had a really bad migraine the other day and I'm monitored closely because I have had severe preeclampsia with my first born and I've had small babies so I get scanned regular to. Well now shes having emergency scans and close monitoring? Shes got a bad headache a few hours after I'd mentioned it... i just had to blank her messages because i just thought please just let me have a headache please in peace.
I dont even think I can be bothered to write anymore and this is just tip of the iceberg but its draining and getting me down!! Oh and may I add she only moans to all of us when her rent free boyfriend isn't there... we are only good enough to lend her money, take her shopping or go and pick nappies up etc.
She likes to keep everyone seperate cause she slags everyone off to everyone... she use to do her kids seperate parties for seperate families,
How do I deal with this? Do I have to literally tell her or just back off. I just cant cope anymore I feel like she is affecting my mentle health.