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Original poster

Am i a total idiot? Verbal abuse or plain joking?

21 replies

Saffoona · 05/04/2019 22:34

Ive been with my partner nearly 3.5 years, weve broken up 6 times. I wasn't well when we met, ptsd, but im managing my condition a lot better than before. I've started to notice that i am the butt of his jokes, and now realise that i have been all along. When i ask him to stop, he become defensive and grumpy and i get the fake smile, then he tells me im beautiful. The put downs are constant, even when i say anything about anything, he laughs at me. Im 42 btw, so life isnt new to me. Every time weve broken up, its been my fault, something i did or didnt do. We dont live together, he doesnt want to be part of my family of 1 daughter.

OP posts:

Ohyesiam · 05/04/2019 22:37

Sounds like verbal abuse to me. It’s to control you.
Op you could be single or with a man who actually likes you.

Cocobean30 · 05/04/2019 22:39

Honestly leave him, he treats you like shit and doesn’t want anything to with your daughter? You are worth more than this

Original poster

Saffoona · 05/04/2019 22:44

You know, what really hurts? This time we got back together but im not allowed to tell anyone, he wants to keep it a secret from everyone including his own family. But i told my daughter as i felt wrong keeping it a secret from her. He said id made a life changing decision without him and put our relationship in question over my actions. I really am so very stupid, and naive, but how could i let this happen.

OP posts:

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PomBearWithAnOFRS · 05/04/2019 22:50

Oh lovely, he is a grade A twat and you are worth so much more that his shitty behaviour towards you!
Don't for one second think that you can't do better, or that you should be grateful to him - he's a GIT! And you and your DD can do better!

Minnie747 · 05/04/2019 22:53

This is my very first - LTB. You deserve so much better than a life like that. Imagine your daughter told you her bf was behaving like him, I bet you’d tell her to run the opposite direction.

pictish · 05/04/2019 22:54

Anyone who wants to keep you a secret and puts you down all the time is not a keeper.

Bittern11 · 05/04/2019 22:54

Why do you want to be with him? Sounds like the relationship is way more hassle than it should be - this is your honeymoon period! Thank goodness you don’t live together.

Stand up for yourself, dump him, and show your dd that a woman doesn’t have to put up with any shit from crap men.

Original poster

Saffoona · 05/04/2019 22:57

So it really is verbal abuse and narcissistic behaviour? Its not my imagination like he says it is? Ive have wasted so much time, and what an absolute tool ive been.

OP posts:

Absolutepowercorrupts · 05/04/2019 23:05

saffoona
It is verbal abuse, you're not stupid, naive maybe but that's not a crime. And it really isn't your imagination.
Men like him are very good at spotting vulnerable women, they move in on you and once they're sure of you they start with the cruel behaviour
He doesn't need the label of being a narcissist, he's just a shit person.
It's not you it's him. Now you've written it down, take time to have a read back of your posts and think about what you would advise a friend to do

Original poster

Saffoona · 05/04/2019 23:18

Thank you all so much. I really needed to have others opinion to actually understand whats been going on. Part of me wonders why some are so cruel to their 'other halves' they know that person loves them, i know he knows that because he wouldn't keep letting us back together and believe me, hes ended it everytime with such nasty cut offs, always through text message aswell. I walk on egg shells hoping i dont get another 'its over' text because i didnt do something right, which i never really know at the time and i never get closure because he always blocks me. Im settled in myself, have a course of therapy booked to give me closure over the ptsd, address the triggers and to talk about unhealthy relationships. I have a fantastic daughter, a good job and lovely home, he adds nothing to my actual life except a night out once a week which is filled insults. Yes, i have answered my own question. Thank you all so much

OP posts:

Cocobean30 · 06/04/2019 09:02

Well done OP❤️

marvellousnightforamooncup · 06/04/2019 10:23

Good for you OP.

vampirethriller · 06/04/2019 13:16

The not telling anyone else bit suggests he's got another woman who knows his friends and family to me.

Original poster

Saffoona · 06/04/2019 13:55

I've had the same thought 🤔

OP posts:

Original poster

Saffoona · 17/09/2019 13:49

Well, i finally got rid. The final nails in the coffin was he went and paid for a lapdance and laid into me verbally whilst i was upset my grandad would die. Oh and the fact we could live together when my daughter leaves home! Left with a huge pain in my heart.

OP posts:

GreenwoodLane · 17/09/2019 14:00

Well done you OP.

LilouBlue · 17/09/2019 14:06

You have done absolutely brilliantly here, don't for the second think of yourself as stupid or blame yourself. You should feel proud that you're doing the right thing not allowing yourself to be treated so badly by a HORRIBLE man. Well done, onwards and upwards!

ginandbearit · 17/09/2019 14:22

If and when doubts creep in and you feel lonely and nostalgic 'for the good times ' come back to this thread and remind yourself of what he did to you ..and it is not your fault that he is manipulative , abusive and controlling
So to make it plain.. He looks down on you , is ashamed of you ..certainly doesnt want you to meet his family ...treats you with disdain and is probably seeing someone else ...you are worth so much more and much more is available out there ...now off you go.and have a great life 🌞

Grimbles · 17/09/2019 14:24

Good for you.

You have lost nothing and will gain back your confidence and self-respect

user1473878824 · 17/09/2019 14:24

Oh OP, that will heal. You are so much better off without someone who treats you so badly. xx

Original poster

Saffoona · 17/09/2019 15:21

Oh, i have the doubt on whether i did the right or not but ive done it, no going back. Time to heal and live my life. Thanks everyone for your support x

OP posts:

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