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Original poster

Should I push DD to go on this trip

30 replies

LifeInAHamsterWheel · 05/04/2019 11:54

DD is 8, and is due to go on a two night trip with girl guides next week. She initially hadn't signed up for it, she's never been away on her own before (only place she's ever stayed apart from with us is with her grandmother for a night) but she changed her mind and has been really keen to do it. However, now she's having a wobble and I'm not sure if I should push her to go or tell her that it's fine to pull out now if that's what she wants.

It sounds like it will be great fun, so many activities planned and I think she'd have a good time. But... she's still so little and so anxious about it now that I'm not sure pushing her is the right thing to do.

Am I overthinking it?

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ineedaholidaynow · 05/04/2019 11:57

How far away is it? Is it somewhere you could go and pick her up easily if necessary? Is it possible for her just to go for the day activities? We have offered that in our scout group for Beavers/Cubs who have been too nervous to stay over

breadzeb · 05/04/2019 11:59

No, don't push her. She wasn't sure in the first place, possibly changed her mind due to hearing everyone talking about it and thinking she should be going and has now decided actually, she isn't sure after all.

The biggest thing you can ever do for your child is listen.

Portulaca · 05/04/2019 12:00

We were in a similar situation with DS in Beavers when hecwas 8. It was an overnight stay with activities. He was so anxious about going, never been away from home before but the leaders were so kind and supportive and he ended up having a great time.

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EduCated · 05/04/2019 12:02

Can she articulate what she is worried about? It’s worth speaking to the leaders, they may be able to reassure her on things that she might not even know she’s worrying about herself - sleeping arrangements, food options etc.

It may also be an option to go for the day?

GreenEggsHamandChips · 05/04/2019 12:04

Yes of course you should support her to go!! She'll have a blast

Original poster

LifeInAHamsterWheel · 05/04/2019 12:05

Thanks for the replies. It's a 2 night stay about 2.5 hours away so not possible to just take part in day activities.

The leaders are really wonderful and she has some good friends that will also be going, I think its just maybe fear of the unknown. They have said that if any child is really very upset one of the leaders will drive back - apparently they did this last year and brought a few children home at around 1am! But I don't want to put that idea in her head when she's going, I'd rather she goes feeling positive about it all.

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Original poster

LifeInAHamsterWheel · 05/04/2019 12:06

She just says she's going to miss me. She is quite close to me (although I work full time) she's not clingy as such but when I'm around she's near me - I call her my band aid

They don't set off until 4pm on Friday so there won't be much time there on the first night, and then a full day planned for Saturday so I'd imagine they'll be exhausted come Saturday night so I'm sure the time will fly in. Or maybe it won't. I'm 45 so it's hard to remember what it felt like being a worried 8 year old.

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Sculpin · 05/04/2019 12:07

Could you go along as an adult helper? That's what I did when my DC first went on beaver camp.

If that's not an option, then I would encourage her to go. I'm sure she'll have a great time and the next separation will be easier.

Original poster

LifeInAHamsterWheel · 05/04/2019 12:08

Yes of course you should support her to go!! She'll have a blast
This is what I think too, but I hate the thought of her feeling obliged to go and then being very unhappy when there.

I can't go along unfortunately, I absolutely would have but I am actually away one of the nights and it has been planned for a long time so I can't cancel.

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NWQM · 05/04/2019 12:35

Forgive me for asking perhaps an obvious question but does she know you won't there anyway?

I'd really encourage her. If the leaders are sure they will drive her home - surprises me that technically 2 leaders should and I'm surprised they have the numbers to offer that - then perhaps you can reassure her she can come home if she really wants to but personally I wouldn't. I'd just be very positive about the experience.

Can you maybe organise a sleepover for one night somewhere first?

ineedaholidaynow · 05/04/2019 12:56

Could she have a sleepover with one of her friends who is also going to the camp first?

I know it is a reasonable distance away but would it be possible to drop her off there Saturday morning, so she is only away one night?

I am surprised the leader offers to bring them home if necessary. In our scout troop we always say a parent/other named contact has to be available at all times just in case a child needs to come home and they would need to come and collect. Although saying that DS has never been on a camp further than 2 hours away

Original poster

LifeInAHamsterWheel · 05/04/2019 13:29

The leader's haven't 'offered' to bring anyone home as such, or certainly not said it to any of the girls, just that they told me they'd done it last year and that if necessary they would do it again this year. I won't mention that to DD as I'd rather she didn't have the idea in her head! There are several leaders and a good few mums going along too, so I'm sure there will be plenty of supervision and someone to give a reassuring cuddle if anyone's feeling a bit anxious. They are a brilliant group, DD started when she was 5 and has come on so much with them, so from that aspect I'm not at all worried. It's just that she's such a softie I worry she'll get very upset.

She does know that I won't be there that weekend, I think when she realised that she'd be left home with the boys she decided to go to camp

There's no time unfortunately for her to do a sleepover beforehand, nor is it possible to drop her on the Saturday morning.

I'll see how she is over the coming days, I'll continue to show enthusiasm for it and make a final call on it midweek. I do hope she decides to go, I think it would be a great experience for her.

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NWQM · 05/04/2019 13:45

Another thought..... could you ask a leader to specifically buddy up with her? We've done this. A child knows that they can go to x for a cuddle or because they need a minute and no questions asked. So they don't have to say I'm lonely, missing home etc

.
A code phrase or word could be set up.

Done this a few times to reassure - has only got used once!

Original poster

LifeInAHamsterWheel · 05/04/2019 14:07

@NWQM thankyou that's a really good idea. There are a couple of the leaders who DD is particularly fond of so I'm sure I could ask one of them to do this.

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Witchend · 05/04/2019 14:56

Ds did this. He got to 8yo and was going on a week long camp having never stayed away.
He knew the place, his dsis had both stayed and loved it.
It's about 4 hours away for us.
He did not want to go. I said to him that he needed to go that time, but if he didn't enjoy it, then he didn't have to do any more overnights.

He went very quiet the day before. He cried all the way up the road... then cheered up for the next 3 hrs 55 minute journey and came back having enjoyed himself and made friends. He goes yearly out of choice.

He's also now done three residentials with school, which I don't think he'd have done if I hadn't pushed him the first time.
He's still my most homey dc. I could definitely persuade him he didn't want to go on any residential easily. But he comes back having loved it, and it does help his confidence to go. He knows he can cope with being away, and I now know if he says he doesn't want to go on something like that there is a reason besides not wanting to miss wifi me

Silvercatowner · 05/04/2019 15:06

She'll have a blast

How on earth do you know? Are you psychic??

NWQM · 05/04/2019 15:13

It might worth checking - depending on the sort of camp it is - that she is okay with the practical bits too.

She'll have heard lots of talk of camp but if you don't actually go camping she may be worrying over the little things.

If she is having to use a sleeping bag for instance and hasn't use done before could you let tonight.

She may be experiencing an overload of what will I do if and arrraaaggghhh no Mummy to ask.

DeathyMcDeathStarFace · 05/04/2019 15:14

It might be best for your dd to have her first trip away with friends like this rather than with a possibly less familiar group of people to her in the future.

That first time away can be very daunting, especially at her age, but she might just need to get through the first trip to open up the big wide world out there for her!

PP idea about a helper being a special buddy is great. Put other things in place too, like taking a couple of familiar things with her in case she misses home. Maybe a small favourite soft toy, a favourite book to read, her favourite chocolate bar or bag of sweets as a special treat. Maybe she could take something to share with her friends to take her mind off home, colouring book and pens to do together, small bracelet making kit, small ball for football etc. Of course, she can't take her whole bedroom, but familiar things tucked into a pocket can be a help.

She would probably come home with them unused, but just knowing they are there can help.

Also, knowing what to do if she does get upset gives her a safety net to rely on. Knowing if she needs to come home early that there is someone who can sort it out can help rather than feeling she has to stay for the whole time. That can leave you feeling trapped and more uncertain about going in the first place.

Hope she goes and has a great time.

Original poster

LifeInAHamsterWheel · 05/04/2019 15:26

Thank you everyone. Although it's called a 'camp trip' they're not actually sleeping outside, they'll be pitching tents during the day but will actually sleep in a youth hostel. They need to bring sleeping bags, and will be in bunks - both new to DD and both of which she's excited about!

We'll pack a few small things from home for familiarity and maybe I'll pop in a little photo & message so she knows I'm thinking of her and sure that she's having a great time (or would that be too much??)

So I think I'll continue to support the idea and be enthusiastic about it and then make a call on it closer to the day.

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Namechangeforthiscancershit · 05/04/2019 15:30

I've taken loads of Brownies away (and older and younger and non-guiding children). Definitely listen to your daughter but I have never had to bring anyone home for homesickness. The leaders should be really used to wobbles about being away from home, and able to be helpful. Have you chatted to one of them?

Oblomov19 · 05/04/2019 15:34

Talk to her. Talk to her about all the fun. Discuss what might go wrong and how she could address it:
If she doesn't get much sleep on the first night she needs to talk to her leader and ask if it's okay to go and have an afternoon nap and miss one of the pm activities.

Tell her that if the worst comes the worst and it's so awful she wants to come home she must ask and one of the leaders will drive her home, or you will come and get her. that should reassure her and allay her fears.

Tell her she'll have such fun, be so proud afterwards. but really she really should go with the right kind of mindset.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 05/04/2019 15:44

Good advice.

Also suggest you talk through the menu in advance (if you have it, and if you daughter is not an eat absolutely everything type) as meal times can sometimes be tricky when they're missing home already

CielBleuEtNuages · 05/04/2019 15:57

DS is having a week away (5 days, 4 nights) with school soon. He's 7 and only recently stayed more than one night with GPs without us.

He's been very worried about it but we've talked it over many times and he's listed everything he's worried about (with me helping with ideas) and together we've worked out a solution for every single one. He is now looking forward to it.

I've also been boosting him about all the things he knows perfectly well how to do by himself e.g. showering, looking after his clothes etc.

One of his fears was sleeping in the dark with no nightlight. So we've bought a cuddly toy with a light in it (they're allowed one cuddly toy).

Another was going to sleep without me in the room so we invited a friend over for a sleepover and sure enough, he went off to sleep fine without me.

Heratnumber7 · 05/04/2019 16:11

Is it PGL? If so, she'll have a fantastic time. She'll be so busy all day she won't have time to think about you, and so knackered at night she'll sleep like a log.

I'm a Brownie Leader. Girls do get a bit teary on sleepover ms sometimes, but without fail, they are always glad they stayed when they wake up the next morning.

Original poster

LifeInAHamsterWheel · 05/04/2019 16:29

Heratnumber7 that's what I think too, there seems to be lots planned for daytime, I'm sure it's in the leaders' best interests to have everyone exhausted come bedtime

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