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Original poster

Is it ok to throw away exH's photos?

18 replies

RomanticFatigue · 04/04/2019 22:51

We broke up 2 1/2 years ago. He was vile during the break up so I left our home. As I wasn't there, and as part of the separating of belongings I asked him to go through our box of photos and take his. He didn't.

For 2 1/2 years the box of photos has sat in my garage and I need to sort it out to make space. There are photos from our time together and before we met, and it's going to be sad and painful.
I could separate his and get them to him via a mutual friend. But he had the chance to take them and didn't. Quite frankly, I want to shred them all!
So, what should I do? Take the moral high ground and do something he should have but didn't, or bin the lot?
Be kind. I'm hurting at the thought of having to do this.

OP posts:
Italia2005 · 04/04/2019 23:58

Sort them out to select the ones you want to keep before they get ruined by cold and damp and store them somewhere in your house - it’s surprising how many fit into a trainer box.
You don’t have to spend time looking at pictures of him - you’ll be able to flick through them really quickly and choose which you’d like to keep and set aside those you don’t want.
Then you’ll find it easy to decide what to do with the ones you don’t want. You’ve already said you gave him the chance to remove his which he didn’t take so you don’t owe him anything.
What would be a real shame is if you allow the fact that his photos are mixed in with yours to delay you protecting your precious memories as they may get damaged or fade.
If you’re worried about stirring up traumatic / sad memories perhaps ask somebody to do it with you, or just grit your teeth and set aside an hour to deal with the box when you’ve got something lovely to get out to straight afterwards.

Original poster
RomanticFatigue · 05/04/2019 00:37

Thanks Italia. That's exactly why I need to do it now, the stuff I have in storage is starting to get damp and I need to save what I can. I need to save my own photos and that means sorting them out. I just don't know what to do with his.

OP posts:
Knitclubchatter · 05/04/2019 00:43

pair it down just keep a few (shoebox few not half dozen).

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Knitclubchatter · 05/04/2019 00:44

either send the remainder to his parents or again pair them down to a dozen or so and mail them via the mutual friend. but i wouldn't go to any great lengths. stick to a small convenient package.

Texel · 05/04/2019 00:53

Keep any you want to keep, bin his ones, you told him to sort, he didn't, he's had two years to contact about them and he hasn't.
Don't faff about contacting people to contact him or mailing them to him, you're not his assistant.

Alicewond · 05/04/2019 00:57

I would give them back, take the moral high ground, there could be people he lost in those pics. It won’t harm you

Aradiadaemon · 05/04/2019 01:15

Nah sod that, why should you go to all that trouble for someone who was an arse, he had his chance and had had over 2 years to get them so they clearly don't mean that much to him. Bin them or burn them and don't think twice!

JeezOhGeeWhizz · 05/04/2019 01:24

I'd fuck all his stuff into the bin. You're not his secretary. He sounds like a total knob.

Original poster
RomanticFatigue · 05/04/2019 09:18

I would be gutted if he threw my photos away - but then again I would have sorted them out in the first place!

OP posts:
Lonecatwithkitten · 05/04/2019 09:24

@RomanticFatigue I was faced with a similar dilemma in the end I choose to be the bigger person, though we share a child so not doing so could have lead to other problems.
His photos were returned to him though he never acknowledged this.

Longdistance · 05/04/2019 09:32

Pour yourself a glass of wine and shred the fucking things Wine

Dyrne · 05/04/2019 09:34

It depends. Personally I would feel better knowing i’d taken the higher ground, returned the photos via the mutual friend, and could congratulate myself on being a better person than him.

Some people would feel better having a ceremonial fire or cutting all his heads off in the photos.

I’m happy to admit that my preference for the first option isn’t really at all about being ‘nice’, more about my own personal feelings on the subject.

It sounds like you want to sort through the photos anyway to get your own ones, so bunging them in a bag to take to your mutual friend at a convenient time isn’t that much more of an effort.

(I’m assuming you don’t have children together? If so, I’d recommend you keep a couple in a box somewhere for your DC to look through when they’re older.)

Decormad38 · 05/04/2019 09:35

My ex did that. I just stashed them in a box then a year later binned them. He had his chance. Like the others have said you are not his PA!

Original poster
RomanticFatigue · 05/04/2019 11:02

No DCs.
Well, not with me anyway.

OP posts:
FiveLittlePigs · 05/04/2019 11:11

My dd kept the joint photos including the wedding album. His other boxes of crap possessions I asked him to tell me when he would collect, he said take then to the tip so I did. (After a few months)

GreatDuckCookery · 05/04/2019 11:27

I asked him to go through our box of photos and take his. He didn't

I would take that as he didn’t want any of them, personally I would bin them. Not your concern anymore OP.

Tink1990 · 05/04/2019 11:38

Are they just photos of u and him or are they his family/baby photos? If the first id just bin them, if the second id send them on

PinkHeart5914 · 05/04/2019 11:40

For me it would depend what the photos were off

Photos of his dead mother or his children for example, I would pass on to the mutual friend

If they are just photos of him alone or you and him I’d bin

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