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Original poster

Entitled colleague

34 replies

NigellaWannabe1 · 04/04/2019 08:44

I work in what used to be a close-knit team of very talented, hard-working colleagues. Someone joined us a few years ago and she has created quite a lot of disruption, upsetting the majority of the colleagues she has worked closely with yet creating close links with a couple of others. As a result, there is a rarified atmosphere in the office.
My issues with her are:

  • She works well in tasks that she finds interesting. But she has a range of other tasks she does not enjoy and she will do the bare minimum for them. Typically, she will say those tasks are too time-consuming and she has already spent X hours on them, so she is now moving on to other things.
  • When she drops a project or task, someone else needs to pick it up. The way she communicates her decision to stop working on something is confrontational and overly formally - this rubs me up the wrong way because it's so unnecessary. It's never her fault, the system is never fit for purpose and she can't possibly be expected to spend any more of her precious time in the task or project at hand.
  • She is very keen to be involved in high-profile projects and will demand to have an input in them. She justifies it by saying that her qualifications and training are a perfect match - but so are the colleagues' in the existing project team, who will have to reduce their contribution to the projects so as to fit her in it. She has had her way on several occasions because, I suspect, colleagues (including senior colleagues) find her too intimidating to turn down her requests.

The situation has come to a head because I lead this high profile project and she wants to take part in it. If I accept, I will have to drop some of my own responsibilities in it so she can pick them up. I don't want her to work in my project team because a) I don't want to drop my own contribution to it, b) I know she's unlikely to pull her weight if there are difficulties and c) she is likely to create conflict in the team.

Her line manager supports her request and seems to think she's marvellous. To be fair, she presents herself extremely well, but I have seen very little hard evidence of her genius... I currently have no line-manager due to illness.

How do you suggest I take this forward? Thanks for reading!

OP posts:
Palominoo · 04/04/2019 08:50

Tell hwe that you've got everything covered, thanks.
Then you must go all out to ensure you and your team do a marvellous job.

Original poster
NigellaWannabe1 · 04/04/2019 08:54

She won't let go and will involve senior management in the decision, because it's "unreasonable" to leave her out of the project. She feels her potential contribution is being dismissed, blah, blah, blah.

OP posts:
Bittern11 · 04/04/2019 08:55

What Palominoo said!

If she pushes, just mention one of the things above: 'My team is happy and working well. Remember when you worked on x project with Y? That didn't go well and I want this project to avoid that kind of problem.' If you don't think that will be too confrontational...

She sounds like a PITA. But you're project lead, so manage her!

Bittern11 · 04/04/2019 08:56

Bring up something else from the past that she did that you don't want to happen: 'Remember on project X, you wanted to be involved and you were until Y happened. Then you dropped the project tasks, leaving other team members to pick them up. I don't want that to happen.'

Repeat. And talk to her boss if necessary.

Original poster
NigellaWannabe1 · 04/04/2019 09:28

I could bring something from the past but will I not be replicating her uncolegial manners by doing that?

Is it acceptable to be upfront and say that I find her difficult to work with and don't want to bring unnecessary stress on to myself? Can I say that politely and if so, is that a valid reason from a managerial point of view?

OP posts:
Eliza9919 · 04/04/2019 09:28

Could you get her involved in another different project?

I'd be livid if someone could demand their way into my team by whinging to management. I'd create a fuss about my judgement and management being undermined.

CherryCheezcake · 04/04/2019 09:30

Sod that - she's an arse, you can be an arse right back at her

Original poster
NigellaWannabe1 · 04/04/2019 09:34

The problem is, she is justifies her arsiness very convincingly. She has this fake over-polite, over-formal style that really grates on me.

Is it acceptable to say I find it difficult to work with her and have an honest discussion about it?

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 04/04/2019 09:50

Say your main concern is for the progress of the project, and you don't think it will be beneficial to the project as a whole. In fact it could be counterproductive. It may be "unreasonable" from her perspective but this isn't about one person. It's about the what's best for the company.

MoveOnTheCards · 04/04/2019 09:57

Watching this with interest as we have someone very similar at my workplace and it feels like a constant challenge managing her role on otherwise very happy and productive teams.

Palominoo · 04/04/2019 10:00

If msnagement are going to let her pick and choose what she wants to do then she will be taking over your project.

All you can do is ask to be transferred to something else and draw out a discussion about work ethics and incompatability of working together.

Bittern11 · 04/04/2019 10:21

Is it acceptable to be upfront and say that I find her difficult to work with and don't want to bring unnecessary stress on to myself?

Yes, it's fine, and back it up with examples.

I'd focus on the repercussions for the project, not you, though as it could sound like sour grapes otherwise.

Point to workload: your existing team are managing fine. Their skills are the right ones for the project. Point to a time when she caused problems for another project, or when she took over, or when she deserted a project halfway through.

Ask her boss how she plans to manage her own workload if she wants to take on extra work. Doesn't she have enough to do? Perhaps her boss needs to find her some new tasks...

But stand firm. Sounds like you have plenty of examples of why this woman is a Bad Thing for a team.

Palominoo · 04/04/2019 10:48

What I have found is that a lot of people will allow themselves to be dominated by an insivual at work until someone else takes a stand and speaks up. Then they will start speaking up themselves. It just needs that one person to say they find such and such a person difficult to work with.

sherridan · 04/04/2019 11:11

If management intervene on her behalf, would it help to play her at her own game and tell them that whilst you know she would like the opportunities on offer, so would you and the members of your team and they are equally well qualified. If she thinks it's unreasonable to deny her these opportunities, surely it is even more unreasonable to deny them to you, on YOUR OWN project, in order to give them to her?

Original poster
NigellaWannabe1 · 04/04/2019 12:44

There's some excellent advice here, thank you.

Bittern11 - I like your suggestions. I will prepare examples of the times when her behaviour caused upset in the past. It's reassuring to know that I can be completely honest and say I find it difficult to work with her - I always felt this was the sort of thing you couldn't admit to publicly. I'm planning to request a meeting between this colleague, her line manager (I'd like a witness plus I want her to understand the issues) and me. Doesn't it sound like a good idea?

Palominoo - what you say makes a lot of sense. My colleagues all value collegiality and will go great lengths to avoid making the atmosphere worse at work. This is at the cost of their own involvement in projects. I hate conflict but I hate being taken advantage of even more.

Sheridan - absolutely, you've just voiced my very thoughts. This is so sad, because we all used to get on brilliantly until she came along. My colleagues are starting to make noises about moving to a rival organisation to avoid this person...

OP posts:
SmallAndFarAway · 04/04/2019 12:49

Nooo - I would not say you find it difficult to work with her. You risk shootings yourself in the foot. Much better to bring up x, y & z when she did not deliver on projects. You want to position this to be about the success of your project, nothing else - that's a much weightier consideration for the company as a whole than a personality conflict, where you also can be considered partly responsible.

QueenieMum · 04/04/2019 13:01

I agree with SmallandFarAway - I wouldn't tell her how I feel about her yet. Better to give concrete examples of her behaviour as those are facts. Your opinion of her is probably very accurate but even if others support you in that view she could say you're being too personal and discriminatory.

I would hold my counsel for now and air my views on her being difficult to work with, etc with senior management if asked, using examples to back it up.

You have every right to decide who is on your team because you're doing it for the benefit of the task, the team and the end result.

Waggily · 04/04/2019 13:08

Could you maybe phrase it so it looks like you’re concerned about her work load as she didn’t/needs to complete XYZ so you think the new project would put too much pressure on her time. Therefore pointing out her flaws but not in a nasty way.

Caselgarcia · 04/04/2019 13:19

Could you say that the new project involves a lot of jobs that colleague has abandoned/passed over to other colleagues in the past. But the team you have put together have agreed to see their tasks to the end and are happy to do so. Say the team is balanced, have clear goals and understand that passing work over to others creates confusion as people don't know who is doing what. Tell her not this time thanks!

Mildmanneredmum · 04/04/2019 13:23

I agree with SmallandFarAway as well - if you say you have difficulty in working with her, it will be said that it's you that's the problem. And she will smile and say that she doesn't know what you could possibly mean....

HollowTalk · 04/04/2019 13:26

Evidence, evidence, evidence. Don't give your opinion. It'll backfire on you.

MulticolourMophead · 04/04/2019 14:32

Concentrate on actual facts, stuff she cant wriggle out of. Your idea of a meeting including her line manager isn't a bad one.

Original poster
NigellaWannabe1 · 04/04/2019 14:40

Hm. It is a shame that giving my opinion on someone's approach to teamwork might be misconstrued. I actually think the fact colleagues are so uncomfortable working with this member of staff is a big, big issue for my team - by glossing over it and not calling it what it is we are not addressing it.

What Palominoo said about people putting up with a lot of rubbish until someone stands up strikes a cord. She's got away with so much. My very talented, hard-working yet quiet, gentle colleagues shouldn't have to make way for this pushy diva - I certainly will not do so.

OP posts:
Minniemagoo · 04/04/2019 14:51

I also would avoid dealing with her directly. If the request comes from her/your manager only deal with them. Do not engage her directly, these things can easily degenerate into claims of bullying.

QueenieMum · 04/04/2019 15:07

It's not that you're wrong OP, it's that opinion can become a tit for tat, he said / she said scenario very quickly. Facts stand above any emotion or game-playing and in a business environment a fact-based argument is valued. Hold onto the stuff you want to say though as you might be able to say it to someone one day. If you're going to be the one who stands up to her you have to make damn sure you are above reproach and professional.