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Original poster

Is there a pattern or is it coincidence?

22 replies

FuzzyLilac · 04/04/2019 07:37

Bit of back story I promise to try and keep this short

I work in a department with only 1 other person lets call her Lisa. She has worked with me for just over a year and we get on really well. I am 42 she is 22.
She has a history of MH and is very honest and open about it. Our employers knew this before offering her the position.
I must add it is a very supportive workplace and they were fantastic when I had a breakdown a few years ago.

Everything has been fine for around 10 months but things are happening and I dont know if its a pattern or coincidence.

I am rarely ill but last November I had a very bad chest infection. I dragged myself in on the Thursday clearly unwell and was told not to come in the following day.
Friday morning I text my boss and Lisa to say i was not coming in. Text back from Lisa "oh neither am I. I have swollen tonsils. I feel really bad"
Now the day before she seemed perfectly well. I then text back and said "well we cant both be off as nobody to run our section"
In the end I went in to work.
I was in a bad way but managed the full day.
That evening I ended up in hospital as the chest infection aggravated my asthma to the point my inhaler had no affect. I was off a week. Lisa returned to work on the Monday perfectly well.

Earlier this year I had annual leave. I was off on a Monday.
Half way through the day Lisa had to leave work to go to a & e as she could not see out if her eye.
They could not find anything wrong and the following day her eye was fine. A visit to the eye clinic 4 days later revealed nothing.

3 weeks ago I had a vomiting bug. Called in to work my poor boss had to hear me throwing up while trying to tell them I would not be in for the group training that day.
I found out that Lisa had suffered a panic attack 5 mins in to the training and had to go home.

On Friday I have to leave work early for a chest xray.
Work are fine no issues. Last night Lisa text me to say she has a MH appointment in the Friday morning so wont be in till later.

I have a weeks leave coming up and its making me anxious that Lisa will be ill or something else leaving our department without staff.

Is there a pattern or is it all in my head?

I must add Lisa tends to visit a & e regular for what appears to be minor things.

OP posts:

ALannisterInDebt · 04/04/2019 07:41

It sounds as if Lisa doesn't like any attention or sympathy diverted off herself.

It really is not your problem though, it's for your employer to sort out if they don't have anyone to cover your area at work.

Awrite · 04/04/2019 07:43

You shouldn't have gone in when you were so unwell. Please don't blame Lisa for that.

The underlying insinuation in your post is that Lisa's mental health issues mean she can't cope without you or that she is copying you, that she is not really ill when she says she is.

She managed to work the week you were in hospital, didn't she?

BoobiesToTheRescue · 04/04/2019 07:43

There's a pattern.

Lisa clearly can't or doesn't want to run your section by herself.

Acis · 04/04/2019 07:43

Is the problem that Lisa can't cope if left on her own?

toomuchfaster · 04/04/2019 07:43

It's not for you to worry about. Do your job, be off appropriately sick and take your holiday. What Lisa does is between her and the manager. DO NOT go in when you're not supposed to/unable to, let management sort it out.

RestingBitchFaced · 04/04/2019 07:54

Agree with Previous poster, it's up to management to sort it out, but yes there does seem a definite pattern. Is she worried about coping without you? How does she know your not going to be in? Surely you only need to inform your boss, not her, and she finds out when she gets there?

Original poster

FuzzyLilac · 04/04/2019 07:58

Thank you for the quick replies.

I dont blame Lisa at all. Actually thats a fib. When I was ill with the chest infection i was very annoyed that she was suddenly ill but that passed quickly as I figured it was just coincidence.

Work do cover however we are a tiny team working for a charity and sometimes no cover means our clients lose out.

When I was ill for a week she worked the whole week no issues. It seems its that first day of leave or my first day of sickness where there's a problem.
She can do the job is very skilled and good at it.
You are not on your own in our department so she is always working with me or whoever is covering me so she does not have twice the work or is on her own.

OP posts:

Jellyonawonkyplate · 04/04/2019 08:22

Sounds like you are her work comfort blanket and she can't cope if you're not there. Quiet word with your boss?

Original poster

FuzzyLilac · 04/04/2019 08:27

I was thinking that Jelly but wanted others opinions first in case I am seeing something that is not there.

We have monthly supervisions and my next one is after my weeks leave. I was thinking of waiting to see if it happens again while I am off before bringing it up.

I am not even sure how to bring it up! Its such an odd conversation

OP posts:

Original poster

FuzzyLilac · 05/04/2019 19:27

Lisa did not turn in for work at all today.
After her appointment it was just too much she said.

I do wonder if her being out drinking with her friends last night in town contributed to her being off today.
Drinking makes her MH worse and she becomes more anxious/depressed.

I still attended my appointment and my boss made plans to cover next weeks rota. I asked the rota be looked at for the following week also when I am on leave.

OP posts:

boringlyboring · 05/04/2019 19:36

I wonder if part of her MH is health anxiety brought on by being near people who are ill a short time after. Doesn’t explain the appointment thing but that one could be a coincidence while the rest a pattern.

Peterpiperpickedwrong · 05/04/2019 19:42

I asked the rota be looked at for the following week also when I am on leave

What did he say?

BlueMerchant · 05/04/2019 19:47

I think she sounds like she is living with health anxiety.
There is also a chance she doesn't like whoever usually covers for you when you are off.

Original poster

FuzzyLilac · 05/04/2019 19:48

What did he say?

She asked why and I said "well just in case".
Boss agreed to make adjustments just in case.

I wonder if part of her MH is health anxiety brought on by being near people who are ill a short time after

I doubt it. Lisa is always "ill" always going to the GP and visits A & E at least once a month.

I wont lie. It pissed me off today. I was already nervous about my appointment then I had to see a client she had a pre arranged appointment with and complete a complex piece of work I was not prepared for.

I am more annoyed as i know she was out drinking in town from 6 until at least 10pm.

OP posts:

INeedNewShoes · 05/04/2019 19:48

Difficult as it is, I think it's important that you don't get involved where Lisa is concerned. You're on thin ice suggesting she shouldn't go out drinking knowing it exacerbates a MH issue. Even though it's frustrating you will not be doing yourself any favours saying or insinuating this to your boss (and even worse, colleagues).

If you are too ill to work you are too ill to work. What Lisa does has to not figure.

If the pattern is as obvious as it sounds your boss will have picked up on it so no need for you to put yourself in the firing line by telling tales.

Original poster

FuzzyLilac · 05/04/2019 19:50

You're on thin ice suggesting she shouldn't go out drinking knowing it exacerbates a MH issue.

I never mentioned this to my boss. No idea where you have got that from.

OP posts:

Original poster

FuzzyLilac · 05/04/2019 19:52

There is also a chance she doesn't like whoever usually covers for you when you are off.

Its can be 1 of 5 different people. She seems to get on with them all and has never said anything negative about them.
Maybe it is that.

OP posts:

ButtMuncher · 05/04/2019 19:53

If you want my honest opinion, it seems that you've already made your mind up about Lisa. Your posts drip of accusatory tones, rightly or wrongly.

INeedNewShoes · 05/04/2019 19:54

I took from you saying this: *I do wonder if her being out drinking with her friends last night in town contributed to her being off today.
Drinking makes her MH worse and she becomes more anxious/depressed. * that there was a chance you might say this to your boss which I don't think would be wise.

I'm not getting at you; trying to help!

I've been the person at work that others encouraged to speak to the boss about the slacker. It did me no favours.

Original poster

FuzzyLilac · 05/04/2019 20:02

If you want my honest opinion, it seems that you've already made your mind up about Lisa. Your posts drip of accusatory tones, rightly or wrongly.

I think you are right.

I am trying really hard not to judge. I am trying to be supportive but if i am honest with each new illness, each new a and e visit or appointment its getting harder not to just think "FFS here we go again."

She called me last night at 7:30pm. She was upset and saying she thinks about killing herself. She had been drinking since 6pm and had ignored calls from her bf.

I talked to her tried to calm her down and encourage her to get a taxi home. I then text her bf to let him know she was ok but upset and to call her.
I text him again at 9:30pm to ask if she was ok and home safe. He replied shes much better and with another friend now still out drinking but will be home soon.

I want to help her I really do but i find my sympathy is in decline.

OP posts:

picklemepopcorn · 05/04/2019 20:48

You need to separate out some issues and work out some boundaries.

How you eel about it is irrelevant. What matters is protecting your own health and work environment.

Have you considered not telling her when you have appointments or leave booked?

yorkshirepud44 · 05/04/2019 20:57

I think you need to raise your concerns with your boss. Talking about suicide should not be taken lightly (not at all suggesting you are!) and it sounds as though she just isn't coping and more support needs to be put in place. This isn't your responsibility, it lies with management or hr.

They could then reinforce the positives about her performance but also check on her wellbeing in relation to other areas. There is a clear pattern of behaviour which needs to be closely monitored imo.

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