At what point in your life did you feel ready to start ttc and can I ask why?

[yellowpolkadots101]

I'm late 20s and I am noticing a lot of my friends are now ttc or have recently given birth. Although I am in in a relationship I still selfishly feel that I am not ready to give up my freedom and currently planning a nice 2 week holiday in the USA with my partner! Don't get me wrong I really really can't wait to start a family but I would like to wait until I am at least 31 or 32 and hopefully have bought my own house by then too! Albeit I would love to have 2 children so I really can't leave it much longer of fear that I may have difficulties conceiving!

Of course I know you can't always plan these things, life happens whether it's difficulties getting pregnant (I hope I don't offend anyone with this post I can only imagine how terribly hard it must be for couples struggling to conceive), difficulties finding a suitable partner and unplanned pregnancies etc

What's your story? =)

Number 1 factor: stable long-term relationship and we were married (it was important to me to be married before having children). We were lucky in that we met young, and I realise that if you don't meet someone until you're older you don't always have the luxury of time, but I do think it's important to live with someone for at least a year and go through things that might test the relationship before deciding whether to have a child together. Is your partner likely to be a good father and co-parent; is he supportive or selfish, does he do his share of housework, what are his expectations of parenthood - how does he envisage the division of labour (maternity/ paternity/ parental leave, paid work v childcare, parenting in general) and is that compatible with your hopes and plans?

Other factors:

• We had bought a house (I know many people are not in a position to buy, but if it's a possibility I think it's wise to get on the housing ladder first)
• Age: I wanted to wait until I had turned 30. Like you I want 2 children (I have 1 so far) and ideally between 30 and 35 although my personal cut-off would probably be about 38

Money - people do manage on very little but ideally you would plan for reduced income, childcare costs etc. Travel - we went on a big trip, something I'd wanted to do for years, before TTC (this is another "nice to have" and not essential!)

Got married at 29, but we'd been together 10 years by then. I felt that 30 was a big turning point, probably influenced by the gazillions of articles I'd read about how your fertility supposedly plummets after 30. We had one last 'big' holiday and then I got pregnant very quickly, had first DC at 31.

Also this might sound like a silly reason but many of our close friends had babies/toddlers, and seeing them become parents kind of helped us to see what it might be like. When I started to feel pangs of sadness (slight jealousy I suppose) when a friend announced a pregnancy or had a baby, I figured I must be ready!

Never =) now I'm not far off the big 4-0!

I did wait for my maternal instinct to kick in.....had a very close eye on it in my late 20s and early 30s...I remember feeling a bit like.....I should be having kids now but .....I really dont want to give all this up.....

As I started approaching mid 30s some family members really stepped it up with the "when will you have kids? Is there an issue down there?" questions 🙄

The desire to have kids never appeared for me and never will....too old now anyway...I just couldn't imagine it......I'm bloody shattered when I get in on a night. Also - freedom and money are more important to us than our own child xxx

At 25, finished uni, got job, house, and the just married, took us 6 ttc years to have our first.
We have had amazing holidays with our children. My biggest regret is not having children when I was younger, as I'm only 43 but really do feel like an older mum with my youngest who is 5

Met, bought a house 2 years later, married 2 years after that. Started TTC straight away. Waited a year nothing happening. After the second year doctor referred us to IVF clinic. By the time of our second appointment I found I was pregnant naturally. I was 25 and the time felt right.

Met DH at 20, got married at 26, had DS at 28. Am now 31 and would like another soonish.

Not homeowners yet, have concentrated more on furthering education (and waiting for DH parents to downsize as they’ve promised ‘the boys’ deposits when they do)

Met DP at 22 but waited until 33 until ttc! Wanted to focus on career, travel and getting ourselves established. Also DP didn't want to get married until 30 and I didn't want to have children until marriage. We wanted our own house etc... but looking back, we were probably a bit too sensible! Had DD at 34 and she 8s amazing. Best thing we have done! We are not going to have more though for a variety of reasons and sometimes I wish we had started earlier. But feel incredibly fortunate, overall. Each to their own.

I was 35. I'd wanted children many years earlier but my younger partner wasn't ready. When I turned 35 I think he finally woke up to the fact that we didn't have forever so we started ttc on my 35th birthday.

Well our first was conceived the one and only time we didn’t use protection 😄 we were already married and had a flat, and we’re dreaming of TTC in a year’s time so it was no biggie really. I was 25. When we actually did start TTC for the second it was weird and scary! Because how do you know if you’re doing the right thing? Argh! Went for the minimum age gap we were happy with and thank goodness we waited that long because got pregnant first cycle, so lucky. I turn 30 this year and most of my school friends are far off marriage and TTC, I don’t think it’s that unusual OP!

Similar to other posters though I wouldn't say I had been selfish before! It's just the appeal of the 'freedom' to live a non-family centric life had started to be less important. And luckily all the other parts of my life needed to have a family (partner I wanted to have a baby with, possibility of home ownership) were happening.

We started ttc straight after our wedding, ds was born 11 months after we got married.
We already had our own home and we won't have to move.
We'd been on quite a few holidays.
I was 28, DH 30 when we married.

I was 32. Remember having a really big think about it all and wanting more of a reason than the fact that it's what is supposed to happen next. I had a really mixed childhood and wasn't sure I'd be up to it myself, as in doing a good enough job. But ultimately the idea of building our own family grew more and more attractive. Two years later I'm 27 weeks pregnant after 3 losses. As others say, it doesn't always go how you plan it!

It was the beginning of the year I was due to turn 30. My sil had just announced her pregnancy and I remember talking to DH with a sort of "now or never" attitude. We'd been struggling after the 2008 crash and it felt like we were getting back to normal.
Did I feel "ready"? No.
Two children later I still don't but they're great boys! Love them.

I had always planned to have a baby around 30 - I wanted to get a career under my belt (which for me meant university), own my home and not have too many debts to worry about and be in a stable relationship with someone who had the same values as me so we were a 'team' as well as a family.
The first 3 (career, home ownership and financially solvent) were all in place by my late 20's. Finding the man took until I was 32 and by the time we had figured out that we were right for each other, bought a home together and had a puppy we were mid 30's - conception didn't happen easily for us but now, at 38, we are expecting first baby next month.
It's not the journey I would have seen myself following - I do worry about our ages but I think things happen for a reason and this baby is so wanted because of the time it's taken to make him/her, we are financially and emotionally very secure so are really looking forward to bringing a little person in to the world xx

I'm with @sandi2019 - almost 40 now and I've never felt the urge. Assumed at your age, OP, that I would want kids in "a few years' time" but there was always the wish for "just one more year".

I don't consider my life any more selfish or self-indulgent that anyone else's. Childless people have responsibilities too and people often expect more of them because they assume they have the time/energy to spare.

We are both big travellers (go somewhere almost every month) and I'm self-employed in a demanding job that takes up a lot of my time and requires a lot of spontaneity. I feel that I still have so much that I want to see and do, and none of those things are particularly compatible with having a child, so it wouldn't make sense to me to put the next 20 years of my life on hold for something I don't feel a particular urge for anyway.

I will warn you that I have found a large chunk of my 30s tough in terms of constant questions from colleague/friends/family and also because I've "lost" a lot of friends to motherhood. It can be very isolating as a childless couple at this stage in life, although things are now starting to improve for me as a lot of those "lost" friends start coming back now that their children are older, and also because a lot of the new friendships I've forged in recent years are with people who are significantly older/younger than me. The social isolation obviously isn't a good enough reason to have kids yourself, but it's worth being prepared for it, because I wasn't.

I was married and financially stable. I married at 32 and had DS at 34. The financial stability was to the extent that the mortgage was based on DH salary only in case I decided I wanted to stay at home. I didn’t and returned when DS was 9 months.

I hadn’t wanted to have dc and when we married I said I couldn’t promise dc. A few months after our wedding I was serioulsly ill. I spent three days in hospital not knowing if I was going to live or die. Fortunately it turned out not to be the condition that kills just horrific pain for a few weeks, and I made a full recovery. That changed my mind and we conceived DS the first month we tried a few months later . I did actually nearly die five years ago and am lucky to be alive today.

Met DH when I was 23, by 27 we were married, homeowners and in a good place financially and career wise. Kids weren't really on my radar, I hadn't ever been particularly maternal, but six months after our wedding I lost my dad unexpectedly.

My outlook on life changed completely after that and suddenly I was overcome with an overwhelming urge to have a baby. Fell pregnant on the first attempt and gave birth four days before my 29th birthday.

I am 32 now and 38 weeks pregnant with my second.

Yes @shoesandwine

We also love to travel.....and lie ins......financial freedom.....christmas day on our own......dinner dates....drinks after work.....we can just take off anywhere at any time.....love it x

I didn’t really do the sensible planning thing. I just had a vague idea I’d have children ‘in my 30s’, but met my DH at 24 and at 27 just felt suddenly, urgently broody, started TTC and (very luckily) conceived immediately.

I shocked my friends and family a bit when I told them I was pregnant, I think, as everyone had me down as the hard partying career girl .

You sound pretty sensible, though, and if you’re not ready, don’t do it!