AIBU to not want other people's legs touching mine when sitting on the bus?

[Leavesofautumn]

First of all this a genuine AIBU, I really don't know the answer so please go easy on me as I'm going through a difficult time. I'm posting here on the chat board as I don't like venturing into the actual AIBU board.

I've always hated it when I sit on a bus and the person next to me squashes up next to me so their legs are touching mine. It's bad enough when it's a woman, but when a man does it I find it very intimidating. I wish the person next to me would leave me even half a centimetre so they didn't touch me. It's particularly intimidating when I'm sitting on the window seat and the person next to me squashes me in. I do understand that nobody wants to be hanging out into the aisle, but I still hate it.

The trouble is that throughout my twenties I was a size 12 so I hardly ever had this problem. In my 30s I went up to a size 14 and I noticed the problem increased. Within the past few months, for the first time ever I have gone up to a size 16. I am now noticing the problem happening a lot more. I know it's me who's taking up the extra width but I still feel like people are squashing me in deliberately as if to punish me for being overweight.

Please don't turn this into a weight loss advice thread. I don't want your diet recommendations. I'm already trying my best but it's slow going.

Yesterday I got on the bus and there was a woman sitting in the aisle seat but the window seat was empty. Instead of moving up, she stood up and motioned for me to sit in the window seat, so I did, then she sat down on the aisle seat again and proceeded to squash up next to me. I don't see why that should be okay when she could've sat in the window seat herself.

Today I was sitting in the window seat and actually ended up telling the guy who sat down next to me that there was no need for him to be touching me. He ended up getting up in a huff and moved to a different seat.

Like I said I know I've become more overweight, but deliberately pushing and shoving me is not going to help.

I think it depends if you are wholly within your seat or taking up their space too. If they are within their seat and touching you then that's not their problem, they might want to be sitting securely and not risk falling into the aisle or blocking it.

If you are “spilling over” then YABU.

It's your problem and you were very rude. I'm slightly bigger than you, 16 to 18 depending on the shop and people next to me on the bus are almost always in contact. They can't help it and if I had a problem with the contact I'd stand up.

If you are taking up more than your share of the space and can't cope with being touched then you should stand. Your hang ups aren't their problem.

Men seem to do it a lot more than women.

Buses are made to accommodate as many people as possible so they aren't going to make special sized seats for plus sized people.

It's PUBLIC transport which means you will be mingling with the masses.

If you don't like the cramped seating get a cab.

I think your reaction is quite extreme. Bus/train seats are not particularly wide anyway, but if one or other of the passengers is even slightly overweight, there will be touching of arms and legs. I’m sure the other person would rather not be touching you either, but as long as they are not rubbing themselves against you or whatever, you are bing massively unreasonable - should the other person be hanging off their seat into the aisle and sacrifice their own comfort for yours? Perhaps you’d be happier standing on public transport to avoid this issue that you have.

Possibly because men are a lot bigger generally?

Have you tried using your handbag to displace the unwanted knee? I often do that, and it has never caused offence - they mostly don't seem to notice.

Try catching a bus in India!

Today I was sitting in the window seat and actually ended up telling the guy who sat down next to me that there was no need for him to be touching me

Good for you- well done!

I sometimes do the handbag thing on the tube when I'm sitting next to a manspreader, but that's really only about their knees, and most tube carriages have dividers between the seats. It's different on buses because the whole of their upper leg will be squeezing up against mine, which is a lot more intimidating than just knees.

It's your problem and you were very rude

I disagree. If a man (in particular) is invading her personal space/ touching her outside of ‘his’ space, she is absolutely right to call it out

YABU. The seat is not your private property.

This man was actually quite a bit wider than me.

This never happens to me

It's very difficult to avoid all contact on the bus, I usually end up hanging off the side of the seat so I don't touch the window side person as the seats are soooo small, really not big enough for two average size people (and plenty aren't average which is normal and they still should get the bus!) If you go too far over you end up obstructing people getting off!

I think you are over-reacting because it's quite difficult especially for a bigger man to not touch you in the slightest, I don't think they are enjoying it- but why always go for the aisle seat so you can hang off, or stand. Otherwise there is a risk more ample people will inadvertently touch you.

You need a satchel OP, they make excellent seat dividers.

I meant to say 'why not always go for an aisle seat...'

The seats are not made for two people to have room to sit and to have a few inches of space around them sadly.

If you can fit a bag in your space, fair enough, very unlikely though. Otherwise you are taking up their space!

Ride a bike or walk. Solves the leg touching problem & also will help with the weight loss.

I'm a size 8 and never have problems with people sitting too close. The only time I do is if they are overweight. YABU. You need to get over this or stop using public transport at busy times. Sorry.

Also what buses are people getting that have room to fit a satchel beside them?!

Well this will depend on whether you are spilling into their space surely?

If they are taking up more than their seat space then they are the problem. If you are then you are the problem and be prepared for them to shout at you for touching them I guess.

Not quite sure how there's room for you and your bag within your seat space?

YABU, it's your problem.

And i'm not liking the "its worse if its a man...." type of responses. That's also your problem.

You wouldn't get away with saying it's worse if its a black/chinese/gay/lesbian/whatever person, and a man probably wouldnt get away with saying 'it's worse if a women sits next to me'.

Women are socially conditioned to try and make themselves smaller. Men feel more entitled to take up space.