Made to feel like crap...

[30birthdayholiday]

Please can you help me feel better?

Was on the phone to my Mum, and she's just asked me when I am weaning my 16month from breastfeeding as I've been feeding her far too long as most babies are weaned by 1, and I really should have weaned her by now.

If she'd bothered to ask why I was still feeding, partly it's because we still enjoy it, but partly because she is dairy free and we haven't found another milk that agrees with her yet, so my daughter either gets calcium from me or she gets none at all. The docs have reduced our prescription milk since she's over 1, so it's my milk or nothing. My daughter is a happy contented wee girl, and there's no reason to think she isn't thriving. I didn't get a chance to tell her this, as she had to go after she said all that to me.

I'm just now sat in tears as I feel she's tainted the whole breastfeeding experience for me now, and I'm going to have to hide it from her or lie and say she's weaned so she won't be disapproving. I had thought I was going to have weaned by the time she was two, ideally led by my daughter.

Don't even get me started on telling her we co-sleep, she'll have a fit.

Why is it that everyone and their wives think they can have an opinion on other people's children's upbringing?!

Thanks for reading.

Just ignore her! Your child, your decision. You aren't hurting anyone and plenty of people feed beyond 1

Ignore her.

What you do with your daughter is up to you, not your mum.

Ignore her. I still feed my 14mo, although I only do it at home because he’s very big and people do judge.

I had this. I stopped feeding at 16 months because I was ready.
Before that I constantly got asked when I was going to wean!
Funny coz people who ff their new born are judged for not breastfeeding and those that breastfeed are judged for doing it more than a month or two beyond wearing age. Bloody ridiculous!

You obviously have your daughter’s best interests at heart. Keep doing what you’re doing, and be proud of you.

She's upset you & you'd hope that she would be upset to know she's upset you. So unless your mum is a dragon either call her back or send a text. Calm down a bit first, don't be angry or emotional & just explain why, you can say you felt upset by the original conversation & again unless she is a difficult person you would hope she would apologise. Ignoring things is a recipe for holding on to hurt when you don't need to.x

Thank you everyone, I know I should ignore her.
And the thing is, you are right, if I hadnt BF then she'd be saying I should have: can't win.

Well, she sounds wonderfully supportive. Not. If you want to distract her, just point her in my direction. I fed mine until he was almost three, at which point even I accepted he probably wasn't going to wean himself.

Feeding is such a personal choice and the only right option is what is best for you and your baby. You're doing what you feel is right for you and your baby - and that means it is right.

You could handle it one of a number of different ways: you could embrace and own your decision and bombard her with statistics about why breast is best and drop in WHO advice, etc; you could keep feeding private and at home (which may happen naturally - my DS usually only fed first thing and last thing as he got older) and just not discuss it - and tell her you're not discussing it; you could tell her you've weaned just to shut her up; you could actually tell her how she is making you feel and that she needs to STFU - lots of options .

Maybe she has an ulterior motive? Like trying to have your dc alone? Ignore ignore ignore.
Do not lie to her. Your dc, totally your choice.

Both of mine were fed til 4 because it wss comforting to them at night or when they were upset. I think they got something out of it healthwise, too. They were generally picky eaters so it was reassuring that they were getting some goodness from me.

Not many people knew as I got so much stick and I only fed at home from 1 onwards. The comments did upset me but it seemed cruel and pointless to wean them because of other people's judgmental attitudes so I didn't

@Surfingtheweb

She is indeed a difficult person, and why I strive to please her I'll never know. God knows I've not managed to please her in the first 30 years of my life, so you'd think I'd have given up trying by now.

She'd only make out that I'd misinterpreted what she'd said and that I'd twisted her meaning and I'd end up having to apologise to her and it would become a huge big thing. In all my life i don't think I've ever heard her apologise to anyone for anything.

Your mum sounds like a twat. It's fine to think something is usual but not to be so judgy and interfering about it.
If you had posted in AIBU I would have said yes you are, for not telling her where to stick her opinion!

I'm def not going to stop just because she's said I should.

@Chocolateisfab

She is planning to babysit, and my daughter can have a bottle of prescribed formula, of my stash of tins before the doc cut off our prescription. So she knows she can have her alone.

It won't be to do with whether I'm feeding or not. It'll just be she thinks I don't know what I'm doing and that I don't realise I was supposed to have stopped long ago, when "all the other" babies were weaned.

@30birthdayholiday oh just ignore her then & don't let it get to you, I know it's hard but when she says stuff that upsets you, take a deep breath & day out loud, "she is an arsehole not me" smile & get on with your day. Or any positive thing that will cheer you up. You're obviously a great mum, keep smiling.x

Your Mum was being an arse and you should be really proud of you!

I breastfed my DD15 until she was nearly 3,I breastfed all 5 of my DC and I was really lucky in that my Mum and Dad loved that I breastfed all of they're GC,my Mum breastfed me and my parents were both nursed by they're Mothers so I think they were really pleased that I was following that tradition.

You are doing what is right for your DD and that can never be wrong.

Please don't let your Mum make you doubt yourself

You're doing what is best for your child.

The NHS, WHO and UNICEF all recommend breastfeeding until at least two and for as long as both mother and child are happy to do so.

She knows nothing about breastfeeding. Feeding past one is normal, the UK has lost sight of what is normal due to our formula feeding culture.

You don't have to hide or lie about breastfeeding. It doesn't matter one jot if your mother disapproves, she is wrong. Her opinion is silly and uneducated. If she brings it up again tell her not to be so silly, and it's none of her business anyway so you don't want to discuss it.