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Original poster

How much do you care about your DP's opinion on your clothes and hair?

53 replies

DirtyDennis · 02/04/2019 13:38

Yesterday I went on a shopping spree. I bought a jumpsuit which I love but DP said it looks like a clown's outfit.

I told my DM and she was completely confused as to why I wasn't going to return it since DP didn't like it. I think it's probably less about me looking good for DP and more that DP provided a male perspective, which, if applied to all men, means my outfit isn't particularly attractive to men.

It's the same with my hair. I never know what I'm going to get done to my hair until I get to the salon. Nearly every hairdresser I've ever been to has asked what my DP thinks of my hair, and what he thinks about me turning up at home with something completely random and unexpected.

I can honestly say I really don't care about, or take into consideration, DP's opinion on this kind of stuff. Sometimes if I'm struggling to decide on a hair style or an outfit, I'll ask which he prefers and why but his response will be just one variable in my decision, not the deciding factor.

Lots of people that I've mentioned this to seem really quite shocked. I know my ILs basically think I'm out of control Grin but my PIL once had a go at MIL for having her hair cut "too short" without "asking" him Hmm

So, how much do you take your DP's opinion on this stuff into consideration? Would you return an item because DP doesn't like it?

OP posts:
lillymunster · 02/04/2019 16:35

My stbxh only liked my hair if it was long and bleached as white as possible. He went as far as to say he didn't find me attractive otherwise. Of course doing that to it turned it into candy floss. The more disillusioned I became with his controlling attitudes I started doing the opposite of what he liked ie wearing clothes I liked but I knew he didn't and dyed my hair dark brown (much darker than it really is). Needless to say he's my STBXH and I still feel cheerful when I choose my clothes and think to myself how i can wear what I like and no one is going to make nasty comments when I get home!

NorthEndGal · 02/04/2019 16:35

DH is happy for me to dress how ever I want, as long as I feel good about myself.

He will, however , in a kindly way, tell me if something doesn't work for me, if I ask.

I used to love a certain t shirt because of its colour, but it was truly unflattering.
He never said anything until one day I asked him if he liked it.
He said he loved that it made me happy, but he wished it don't make me look as it did.
It really did make me look flushed, which I had not really been aware of, but once I held it to my face and really looked, I could tell what he meant.
I found a cute shirt in a similar colour but different tone, and he was the first to complement me.

Original poster
DirtyDennis · 02/04/2019 16:35

@Home77 Interestingly I think you've just helped me pinpoint the exact moment I stopped caring about DP's opinion.

We used to live in a freezing cold, mouldy, damp flat. I was permanently a weird purpley-blue shade. For Christmas one year he bought me a hand-made onesie (this was before you could get them in shops). It's got booties, mittens, pockets, and a hood. No-one could ever look attractive in it Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
DirtyDennis · 02/04/2019 16:36

@lillymunster Flowers Well done getting rid of the arsehole

OP posts:
Home77 · 02/04/2019 17:23

Haha, let me show you the one I just bought! It is here only £9! It's the cosiest softest thing ever...

www.marksandspencer.com/fleece-hooded-long-sleeve-dressing-gown/p/p60194792?image=SD_02_T37_2337G_A4_X_EC_90&color=PINKMIX&prevPage=plp

Home77 · 02/04/2019 17:24

It's the grey one though...

BlueSaphire · 02/04/2019 17:39

My OH usually likes what I buy, if he doesn't I will wear it anyway if I like it.
I have long hair, He likes it short, I dont...it stays long.

Mummyshark2018 · 02/04/2019 17:44

Op, who to you wear clothes for? Yourself or others? I'm sure my dh doesn't like everything I wear. He compliments me often though so I know he must like sone things, but I don't wear them for him, I wear them for me- to look and feel good about myself. I also like fashion and I don't really think he knows that much about female fashion trends!

ExpletiveDelighted · 02/04/2019 17:47

He very rarely comments, I don't think he pays any attention to what I'm wearing 99% of the time. I have no idea if he prefers my hair short or long either. We both just wear what we feel comfortable in.

itsinchicago · 02/04/2019 17:54

My dh has never, to my recollection, said anything negative about my appearance.

He wouldn't dare Wink

Kobea · 02/04/2019 17:58

I wouldn't return something or change my hair to a style he liked but obviously I do like to hear compliments if he genuinely likes my hair/make up/outfit etc.

I just don't go out of my way to do those things for him. Why would I?Confused it isn't 1950

reallyanotherone · 02/04/2019 18:00

I think it's probably less about me looking good for DP and more that DP provided a male perspective, which, if applied to all men, means my outfit isn't particularly attractive to men

Shock

So if I read this right, you choose your clothes and how you dress based on whether it makes you attractive to men?

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. I wear what i like and what i find comfortable.

Out of interest does that also apply to body hair? Only i read time and time again on here about women who shave “for them” and deny it’s anything to do with outside influence. Yet if you are choosing clothes based on how men react, surely that would apply to other choices too.

jackparlabane · 02/04/2019 18:02

DP is actually more into clothes than me and used to go clothes shopping with me - ended up with flattering stuff I'd never have thought of. I have had some clothes he hates but while I might not wear them for a special night out for just the two of us, I'd keep them.

He's not fussed about anything else, thinks I look lovely. I did ask, 20 years ago, if he had preferences re shaved/unshaved etc and he said merely he'd prefer not scratchy stubble but it was all my body.
In a switch from gender stereotypes, he buys all his own clothes while my mum gets lots of mine simply because she lives next to huge supermarkets and can pick up clothes easily and return as needed!

GimmeBread · 02/04/2019 18:18

I care about my DH's opinion if it's something I'm not sure about but if it's something I really love and I'm just showing him, and he doesn't like it? To hell with him!

Conversely if I really hate something and he loves it, it's a no from me! I won't be pushed into something i don't like.

GimmeBread · 02/04/2019 18:20

Flying squirrels look great on the right body shape - tall and slim - on me, short and dumpy? Nah!

MotherOfTheNoise · 02/04/2019 18:54

My DH really doesn't care. I have one jumpsuit that makes him laugh, but that's because he's a bit conservative and has been wearing the same uniform for the entire 10+ years I've been with him, but he'd never stop me wearing/doing something to my hair. He wouldn't bloody dare Grin

MysweetAudrina · 02/04/2019 19:15

It wouldn't ever cross my mind to ask him for his opinion.

He does compliment me. The other day I was wearing black pants and a black top and he said the black really suited me. Last night when I came in from work he complimented my skirt. I think he would know better at this stage to say something critical about my appearance although sometimes I do pass comment on his like I would say go get a haircut but not on his clothes.

Original poster
DirtyDennis · 03/04/2019 09:27

@Home77 Wow, I love it. It looks really snug and cozy Smile

@reallyanotherone I think you've misunderstood what I meant, sorry I should've been clearer. I meant that my mum's perspective is probably that because DP doesn't like my jumpsuit, all men will not like my jumpsuit, therefore I should return it because what's the point in buying new clothes if men don't find you attractive in them? Absolutely not my perspective Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
DirtyDennis · 03/04/2019 09:30

@Mummshark2018
Op, who to you wear clothes for? Yourself or others?

Most definitely me. I don't really care that much about fashion, I buy what I like, what I think will suit me, and what I feel comfortable in.

My mum's trying to persuade me to buy a button-down skirt because they're back in fashion. I absolutely hate them and hated them the first time they were in fashion in the 1990s. Why on earth would I buy something so hideous just because it's "in fashion"? Nuts.

OP posts:
Isitweekendyet · 03/04/2019 09:32

If someone doesn’t like something I do, it just makes me more determined to wear it - especially in their company.

But I’m a stubborn mule like that.

Happynow001 · 03/04/2019 09:39

@RagingWhoreBag
Ooh I really like the flying squirrel suit! I think I'll get one - it looks so comfy!

Happynow001 · 03/04/2019 09:48

@DirtyDennis
I know my ILs basically think I'm out of control  but my PIL once had a go at MIL for having her hair cut "too short" without "asking" him
OMG you're not a Handmaiden and nor, once upon a time I suppose, was MIL.

You don't sound like you'll let anyone dictate what you wear - good for you!

RagingWhoreBag · 03/04/2019 12:35

@Happynow001 they are comfy and can be dressed up a bit with some nice sandals etc if you need to leave the house Grin

I thought I looked very chic in a black one with a striped t shirt underneath, cinched in at the middle with a red belt, as I’d seen someone on here do. My DD said I looked like a mime artist Grin

Happynow001 · 03/04/2019 14:19

Thanks @RagingWhoreBag
It's just the sort of thing I'm looking for to be smart/comfy without looking like I'm about to shin up a ladder and fix the roof! 🤣

TheNoodlesIncident · 03/04/2019 14:25

DH has never commented on anything, even if I've been to the hairdressers and had a drastic pruning. Doesn't mention my clothes.

He is an engineer and probably believes "well dressed" means "matching socks". If I asked his sartorial opinion he would look panicked, like a rabbit in the headlights, so I spare him the horror of having to make up an opinion. Fortunately I don't care.

I'd look a total plum in that squirrel suit, so will be giving that a swerve