Extremely anxious 8 year old

[OverwateredCheeseplant]

I’m not sure if this is a normal level of anxiety for a child. He has always been very shy and clingy, has always followed me from room to room. Still does this at 8 (unless he is consumed with YouTube for ten mins!) When it’s dark outside he insists we turn every single light on and won’t leave the room without me. Gets v anxious that someone might come in the house. I don’t know why cos I’ve never expressed a fear of it.

He says he doesn’t like school because he just wants to be at home. No problems at school as far as I can decipher. He has trouble at bedtime as he’s anxious about being left to sleep, I have to do a whole routine with bedtime book/ lullabies/ sitting in his room for a bit/ lots of kisses and cuddles, and then after that he wakes up sometimes at 1 or 2 am and asks me to come in to comfort him and help him relax again. He wakes up between 4 and 5am every day, sometimes even 3am. He’s got a groclock etc. I don’t know what else to try.

At bedtime tonight he said he has trouble relaxing to sleep because he’s got so many thoughts in his head. I suggested focusing on his breathing deeply to try and relax. Bedtime took nearly an hour today.

Should I speak to a dr about all this?

He also has a stammer in case that info is useful, which he had had SALT for.

I would say that goes above a usual level of clinginess or anxiousness especially as you are unaware of any event triggering him feeling this way.

I think you should chat to your GP about it in case there is an underlying problem that has triggered this.

Has he ever stayed at a friend's house or relatives house and if so what was he like with them?

Hi,
Poor thing: I agree with previous poster in that it sounds like it goes beyond typical levels of anxiety and it sounds like you are worried about it so it is worth checking out / getting some advice on.

I am a SALT and suggest if he is actively seeing SALT at the moment perhaps you could discuss a CAMHS referral with your SALT. If not currently seeing SALT then discuss with the GP instead.

Don’t be put off by the title CAMHS (child and adolescent mental health service) they can be really helpful with anxious children. It may also be worth asking the SENCo at school what pastoral support they have available - some schools have counsellors or support staff who can provide him with a safe way of exploring any worries he has during the school day so that he doesn’t bottle it all up for bedtime...

@OverwateredCheeseplant

I have an anxious 6 year old, who went through a particularly bad period last year and someone on here recommended workbooks from Amazon for anxious children.
I bought one called No Worries, and it was really good for him.

Could that be worth a try?

I'll throw you a curved-ball here. I was taught a self-soothing practise called 'TRE' which is a set of 6 movements to gently bring muscle tiredness & then you lie on the floor in a certain position & it stimulates a gentle tremble in the legs that re-sets the vagus nerve to the brain. Sounds a bit much for a child perhaps but anyone can do it & I was stunned to find I could self-sooth to deep deep levels of relaxation like I'd had a full massage. It's changed my life. If I ever have a day of heightened anxiety now, I do it & all the stress moves out of me. In principle it would work exactly the same in a child & would be a good tool to carry through life. Once you're accustomed to the feeling, you don't need to do the initial movements, just take up position on the floor & let it happen. YouTube have videos.

Thank you for your thoughts.

@paliminoo he has never wanted to stay away from home. He had to stay with a relative once from 2am onwards while me and dh did an a&e trip and he was awake all night from 2am!

@gincompetent thank you for the book suggestion, I’ll go on amazon and check that out.

@splintersplit ooh that sounds good! Off to YouTube I go...

I'm currently at the start of the process of helping DD1 (11) with her severe anxiety. Had our second session today. I'm not saying your DS is that bad but I wish I'd got help when DD1 was 8 and not kept telling myself she'd be fine and grow out of it when it's just got worse and worse. You don't lose by asking and it just might prevent bigger issues down the line.

Try a worry monster. Cuddly toy with zip pocket mouth. Child writes their worries on a bit of paper and pops it into the mouth. The worry monster eats it over night like the tooth fairy brings money for teeth and it has gone by morning. You only get to see what they have written when you do your tooth fairy thing. They think that the worry monster has eaten their secret worry.

Oh bless you, yes that level of anxiety is way beyond normal. I think I’d go to the GP without him first and ask for help. Some counselling may really help him. You don’t have to tell him it’s counselling...

My children had a period of anxiety for different reasons and they saw a NLP practitioner who helped them to work out what they were anxious about and how to cope with them.
It's the best thing I ever did and they are so much happier.

Yes my daughter has a worry monster too - she’s a little older (10) and doesn’t use it in a tooth fairy kind of way. She empties it herself! Another book recommendation- Help! I’ve got an alarm bell going off in my head! Lots of helpful stuff and DD has picked out some that seem to be helping her and she was keen to share what she’s been learning.

Hello, I have an anxious child too who is sometimes scared to be in a room on his own and has never gone to bed easily or stayed in his room if he woke up (he is 11).

Recently he received an amazon echo for his birthday and it reads him bedtime stories, he drifts off to sleep without me laying next to him. It has really changed his bedtime routine for the better!

He also read the worry books and had a dream catcher in his room. I tried everything! Good reading books also helped him, Tom Gates etc.

Ds is 9 and has serious anxiety problems.

He has a book called the colour monster which is good to help with identifying emotions and starting conversation

Do visit your Gp, and talk to the school senco too

The school senco was rubbish. Absolute rubbish. She was starting to do sessions with ds where she got him to draw a picture and talk about what he was drawing. Being a boy he drew minecraft stuff etc. And then she just stopped doing it and she never made him the ‘welcome to year 3’ pack she promised to help ease his worry about the new school year.

I’m sure I’ll jinx it but he has slept slightly better since the clocks changed. Wakes up at 5 or 6 rather than 4.