3 year old not potty trained yet

[hobblingawayslowly]

I have a just turned 3 year old who is not potty trained and is not showing any signs of readiness at all. He doesn't tell me when he's doing a wee, he doesn't tell me when he needs a poo and 9 times out of 10 he doesn't tell me when he's done a poo either, he'd be happy to stay in a dirty nappy. He does not like nappy free time at all, he gets very upset without a nappy on unless he's in the bath. We have a potty and one of those training seats you pop on the toilet and he point blank refuses to sit on either.

Nursery just say leave it, he's not ready, give him a couple of months etc. But most of his peers seem to be potty trained and I'm also getting fed up with family members (hi, MIL!) saying he should be trained by now, all theirs were trained by 2 etc...

Is it normal? Has anyone else had the same experience?

My DS is just turned three and still in pull-ups, as was my older DC, when dc1 did decide he was ready he was dry pretty much straight away both day and night and has very very rarely had an accident, he was about 3.5 at the time. Unless there is a medical issue I just think they’ll do it when they’re ready and there’s no point trying to push it.

My son is 3y 4m and only just training now. Honestly until about 3 weeks to thought he would never train. We've had potties out at home for ages, had pants that he wouldn't wear, did loads of nappy free time last summer and had a failed attempt just before he turned 3.

It's such a cliché but he is so much more ready now than he was 4 months ago. I think he's matured quite a lot in that time, he's more articulate and is more able to feel when he needs to go.

I found the Pirate Pete book quite good for talking about it and the sticker book was very motivating too. Little boy boxers have been a hit too rather than briefs. Small goals with stickers/treats for wearing pants out of the house, using the toilet seat, using the potty outside the house etc.

I know it feels like your child is the last one but really they're not and there is every chance that they will soon decide they are ready. I have also learned that you cannot force an unwilling toddler and not should you in this case, it's something they need to have ownership of themselves as it's their skill to master.

Oh thank you both that's really helped

Totally normal OP. I’ve 3 sons and the youngest was ‘slow’ to potty train. He was 3 that August and had a place at nursery, but needed to be potty trained.
By Christmas he still wasn’t interested!
That Jan I was like, right! Come on we are doing this. He finally did it over 2-3 days, and that was that. Went dry at night at the same time. He was 3.5 y when he did it.

So second child started using potty at 2. Really thought that's it we are ready! Tried potty training fully - was not a success. Tried again near third birthday - another set back. She fully had control but just didn't want to be out of nappies. Last two weeks at three and a half she announced she wants pants and has successfully just got on with it. Definitely wait till they want to do it.

My older DS was 3 and not even a little bit interested in potty training. I would sit him on the potty/toilet, lots of praise (which he loved) then he would get off pull up his "big boy pants" and then 3 mins later he would poo/wee on himself!! I thought he was never going to get it, younger children around him were managing it, I had a new baby too, bloody nightmare. Anyway, pre school made him do it eventually. By 3 months later he was dry at night too and we never looked back (thankfully!!)

I could have written your post in November when DS had just turned 3. Despite showing no signs of readiness, in my mind at least, I was encouraged by his nursery key worker to try in February. I was a bit sceptical but she has potty trained hundreds of toddlers and I have not.

I really expected it to be grim but nursery said they were happy to change him as many times as necessary so I bit the bullet. I thought it could go on forever but things got slowly better and on day 15 something clicked with him. This meant that we only had 2 weekends of mostly staying in hovering over him.

From day 18 his overnight nappies were dry as well. Up until last week (so about 6 weeks in) he was still having the odd accident at nursery as he was distracted playing but that has stopped now as well.

I recommend the Pirate Pete book, getting him to choose a potty for himself if you don't have one, trousers that are easy to get up and down and lots of stickers or small treats from the pound shop.

Sorry for the essay but my point is that you are fine to wait if you want to as I saw other big developmental leaps in DS such as wanting to play with other children between 3 and 3.3 months so it seems to be a time with a lot going on for them. Mine was definitely not ready at just turned 3 and I was despairing a bit but it really has been easier than I thought just a few months later.

Good luck!

Oldest 2 trained at 2. Youngest was 3.5 by the time he was ready. Sure what's the rush!

Of my four, two were over 3, one was just before he was 3 and the last one wasn't even 2 (his older brothers trained him!). It makes no real difference and forcing it will make it harder.

I've had 5 boys and they were all over 3 when they were toilet trained (varying by a month or so). My third boy was the oldest (I think) at about 3 & a half.
I too had other people (SMIL) moaning at me saying her kids were practically born potty trained every time I seen her but I just ignored her and they all happily done it in their own time.