What's going on, and how do I handle it?

[HugelyConfused]

I have a new job which I am very happy at, and so far have had positive assessments at. One of my bosses was initially incredibly friendly and extremely complimentary - always telling me every single day how much they enjoyed working with me, what a good job I was doing, rubbing my back, patting me on the shoulders even winking at me.. I wasn't hugely comfortable with all that, but I really liked and trusted them and took it at face value.. but suddenly they have become the opposite- cold and distant and can barely look me in the eye when talking to me. I haven't changed how I act with them, and I haven't mucked up hugely at work, so what's going on and how do I handle it? I hate feeling like I have done something really wrong to cause it.

It's probably something going on with them. Perhaps they have received personal bad news and been off with everyone?

Or is it a male boss and someone had a word and said he was being inappropriate and now he's embarrassed? Rubbing someone's back and winking could be considered sexual harrassment.

Sounds like slightly inappropriate behaviour of your colleague to start with, and an odd change in demeanor. If you're worried, can you sit down with them and say you've noticed this change and would like to talk about this and if there's anything going on related to your work or performance? Something like: "I've noticed a change in how you address me and would like to clear the air in case there's anything I've done to contribute to that."

I would do it in person to avoid misunderstandings and keep it light, open, friendly and professional.

Hope that helps?

He was sexually harassing you. Would he have touched male colleagues? Winked at them? He was attracted to you and he was patronising you.

Now he is either embarrassed, someone had pulled him up on it or he feels you have rejected him and he’s punishing you.

I’d report his original touching and subsequent cold shouldering to HR.

Definitely not attraction. I am hugely unattractive and completely unavailable whilst many others in the workplace are extremely attractive and very available.

Whether you're unattractive (in your view) or not, that's not the point. He was harrassing you. And didn't get anywhere with it. He is now either embarrassed or sulking. Report it.

Some men get a kick out of coming on to women they don’t think are used to having men crack on to them. The way he treated you is not professional and should be reported.

What sort of company is this? Large, small? Are managers trained well?

God, that is shitty if true. I feel sick at the thought of it. Like a total fool.

Maybe he has had a bollockjng from HR for the way he behaved with you?

I can't think so. I have never mentioned it to anyone, and no one has ever asked me.

Perhaps someone else has received similar unwanted attention and has reported it. Perhaps HR have had a quiet word with him but haven't told him who it was who complained, and he thinks it was you?

An even worse thought