I think DD has started her periods but she hasn't told me

[Spotsbeforemyeyes]

DD will be 14 in a couple of weeks. She is DC 4 of 6. 2nd girl of 4.

We are an open family, I'm a doula, I openly chat about sex, bodies, periods, birth etc. I've bought growing up books, chatted to the girls about periods and have bought sanitary products and told the girls ( next girls are almost 12 and 8 ) that they are in their bathroom cabinet. ( They have their own bathroom so private).

I've noticed a few screwed up wrappers and a few weeks ago I noticed that the sanitary products were nearly all gone.

I asked DD if she'd started her periods. She said no. I wondered aloud where the sanitary pads were and she said she keeps a couple in her bag. Younger DD said she does too. Fair enough.

Today I noticed in the bin in the downstairs loo, loo roll very obviously been used as sanitary protection.

I'm not sure why I'm posting, obviously I'll speak to her tomorrow to find out if she has everything that she needs but I don't know why she hasn't said anything if she's obviously run out of pads.

Just replace the pads quietly and let her come to you when she is ready. Put some painkillers in the cupboard too.

Well it could be either the 12 yo or the 14 yo.

I'd just stock it back up, tell both girls you're there if there's anything they want to talk about and let them be.

She may be embarrassed. Let her come to you about it in time, approaching her may backfire

I'd also say something about flushing tissue down the loo not in the bin as it isn't noce if it's clearly covered in menstrual blood and will smell if not careful.

Make sure all their underclothes are coming down too if one of them is feeling so secretive / embarrassed Re leaks

Couple of things came to mind: you mentioned she is your 2nd DD so perhaps it's your 1st DD who is using them! Or your girls let friends use them if they need or the most likely is your DD has started but for some reason doesn't want to say.

I'd just stock up the cupboard with a variety of sp and mention that you've done so so she never has to resort to loo paper. She talk to you if she feels like it but she may be embarrassed especially if she has brothers and younger siblings. Does she share a room?

Agree with pps. Restock and if leaving painkillers make sure they know maximum dosage etc.

It might be the 8 year old. Very unusual but not unheard of.

It's not the almost 12 year old, she's Autistic and very open about everything 😂. Dd14 is very secretive about everything so it's definitely her. She's obviously got her period at the moment though so I'll give her a gentle reminder about flushing loo roll and stained underwear.

Not the 8 year old definitely. Older DD is 24 and lives with her partner.

I'll have to raid younger dd's bag to pop a couple in dd's room so she has something for morning as I don't have any in.

Have you asked the 12 year old if she's started her periods if the 14 year old said it's not her?

Oops sorry. I had an old copy of the age open so couldn't see your update

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I didn't tell my mum I had started my period for 4 years! I started at 13.

The reason? I knew she would gush about, tell everyone and make it a huge deal.

She was open about bodies and things with my sisters and I just found it cringe and embarrassing. Some people just aren't as open.

I used to save any money I had for sanitary things, friends would give me them etc.

I still find it sad, my mum still brings it up and makes it all about her- so sad she has a daughter that can't tell her things, her other daughters can tell her anything.... I didn't tell her when I fell pregnant at 21 for a long time either but that's a whole thread in itself!

If she hasn't said it's because she's comfortable with dealing with it herself, sounds like you have done a good job. My dd didn't tell me, she just got on with it.

I never told my mum, I just went out and bought what I needed every month. I assume she knows I’ve started them by now as I’m mid 30s with 2 children. She never did ask. My mum was also very open about it all, I just found it very embarrassing I guess and also didn’t want everyone to know, my mum would have told her friends etc etc.

If I was you I’d just keep refilling the cupboard every month and just don’t say anything. She’s probably embarrassed and doesn’t want you to make a big deal of it.

My 15 year old started her periods two years ago, but she is very secretive, I wouldn’t have a clue when she has a period and she never asks me to buy any san pro, I stock up with her favourite pads, hope they still are, and just put them on her chest of drawers and never a word is said between us!
Odd thing is that at a recent hospital appointment for a CT scan she was asked when her LMP was and she happily told the nurse all about her period app on her phone.

I hope it's because she's happy to get in with it. Both girls have hot water bottles for tummy aches. DD can't take tablets so I imagine if she's uncomfortable she'll use the hot water bottles. Both myself and eldest DD suffer with endemetriosus so I hope the younger ones are spared that.

They go to an all girls school so I guess they All chat with each other. My mum died when I was 11 so I just got on with it when I started my own periods, I don't even remember how old I was. My eldest DD was 9!

My youngest is 8 today (1st April), they're all growing up so quickly 😭😭

Your DD probably doesn’t want her 12 year old sister to know if she’s open about everything. She also might be embarrassed that you might mention it.

greenlynx I hadn't thought about it like that. Perhaps. She knows I wouldn't discuss it with people, not my style.