My three year old won’t eat anything except crackers

[MeakTiger]

I have a DD age 6 and a DS age 3. We are finding the three year old really hard and encountering issues we never had with DD.

He has become fussier and fussier about food and now only eats plain crackers or sweet biscuits (which we don’t give him but both my DM and DMiL do).

He won’t even eat plain pasta now, or even chips, beans or sausages let along anything remotely healthy. Tried putting a big bowl of strawberries and blueberries on the coffee table for him to graze on and he won’t touch them. He now refuses to sit at the table and just screams if we sit him there. Literally just opens his mouth and screams. We did a lovely roast for mother’s day and he wouldn’t come near the table. He looks scrawny and pale. He also refuses to go near the bath or wear anything other than one jumper. He has shown no inclination in potty training and refuses to say please. No matter what we do we feel we are fighting him the whole time.

DD went through fussy phases but nothing like this. We have been to see our health visitor but he was fine at his two year check and they weren’t worried. We have been to the GP but they weren’t really interested.

We just don’t know what to do with him.

Do you try and eat together as a family?

If you do try ignoring him and just talk amongst yourselves. Take all the stress out of mealtimes. Don’t cajole or plead or pay any attention to what he’s doing.

Hi, in my job (paediatric Speech and Language Therapist) I see children like this all of the time.
We recommend that you feed children whatever they will eat as it is better than nothing and try to remove any pressure to eat as it may increase anxiety around food.
I recommend you call your health visitor for another review as it seems some things have changed - they can send a referral to dietician, and any other services, if necessary.
GP's are often unhelpful unfortunately.
Hope this helps!

That sounds awful tiger you must be very worried. How long since he has eaten what you'd call a decent meal? Personally I would be looking for a second opinion from a different GP. In the meantime, pick your battles. Let him eat crackers if that's all he'll eat. Would he eat them spread with eg. Peanut butter, cheese, etc to get some calories into him?

My 3 yo is incredibly wilful and there's no reasoning with him so I completely sympathise. He uses food as a control/attention seeking behaviour sometimes, but ultimately if he's actually hungry he will eventually eat. If your Ds is not ever eating anything but biscuits then I think you do need to get some additional professional help, especially if you are noticing he has lost weight and looks unwell.

We try and have family meals at weekends; we can’t weekdays, both children eat at after school / nursery. Nursery have commented he is refusing everything there too (and has always been bad).

We always just serve him up a tiny amount and put a few crackers on the side.

It’s causing so much stress.

He was very slow to start speaking and we were worried he had a developmental delay - he was referred for hearing tests and to see a language specialist but suddenly started almost overnight and now, having turned three this month, his speech is now very good but his general behaviour is awful and more like an 18 month old.

Tried putting peanut butter on them, he threw them on the floor screaming get it off over and over. Not a success.

It’s been about two weeks since he ate anything more substantial, but he drinks plenty of water and diluted fresh orange juice. He won’t drink milk anymore either but did eat a babybel Friday with his crackers. Just one, on the one occasion though.

I would speak to nursery and ask them if they think he could have something more than just eating issues.

My daughter had an Angelina Ballerina cookery book and I got her involved in cooking the fair cakes to start off with and she enjoyed making and then eating then.

Have you got your child involved in cooking or food preparation so that you can get an interest in making things which may progress to eating them.

It doesn't even have to be cooking it can be making a sandwich or buttering a cracker.

You can small sized cutlery and cooking utensils in IKEA.

OP could your child be on the autistic spectrum? Google 'm-chat' and be brutally honest with yourself when you read it.

No advice, just you poor thing op that sounds really stressful

Might be sensory - if it is , he is looking for crunch and dry.

Will he eat unbuttered toast? Crisps? Nuts? (As long as there are no known allergies) Baked chickpeas? Breakfast cereals - no milk. Carrot sticks? Banana chips?

Totally agree with PP - no pressure, whatsoever - put it within reach and make no comments. And definitely, go see GP - take him with you - and ask for urgent Paediatric referral. Children do not normally starve themselves.

Good luck.

I'd have a look at the m-chat questionnaire and see what kind of score you get. I'd be pushing hard for referral the child development centre too. They take ages!

Any health concerns? Tonsils, adenoids, glue ear? FWIW I completely understand how soul destroying it is. My 3 years old only eats noodles, chips, orange juice and chicken popcorn. Sometimes he will eat some crisp or chocolate. He doesn’t snack at nursery. We are under the care of a dietician and we have been advised by the dietician and our sympathetic GP to let him eat anything he wants and not to make it into a huge issue.
We do know the cause though. He has large tonsils and we are waiting for an op to have them removed. When he has an episode of tonsillitis, he stops eating completely. He’s has 50 plus episodes in one year alone. When he drops one of the food I mentioned above, I start getting very stressed and upset as I know he won’t eat and quite often goes to bed hungry.
I am sad to say that I actually feel very down and depressed about it and my GP wants me to see someone as I can’t bear it when he doesn’t eat for few days.
Sorry to go on about myself, I just want you to know that I do understand what you are going through.

I'd see your hv and a gp again. Will he take a multivitamin? Will he drink a milkshake or smoothie?

Bloody stressful. Hope you get it sorted

I agree this limited diet alongside the aversion to certain clothes and water sounds like it could be a sensory issue. It might just be he is going through a fussy phase but it could be signs there is something more going on wider such as autism or sensory processing disorder - I would have a look through the criteria for sensory processing disorder and see if anything sounds like your DS.

If this is a sensory issue then he will likely find some types of food genuinely intolerable and so in terms of widening his diet I agree with catandchicken that you need to start with dry and crunchy foods which are similar in texture to the crackers he eats - things like rice cakes, oat cakes, ryvita, banana chips, poppadoms, popcorn etc. I would remove any pressure to actually eat any new foods but maybe but one or two dry foods alongside the crackers on his plate but make no issue of it if he refuses them. I wouldn’t put any foods you know he hates or anything wet/ with sauces on his plate, although maybe have them in the centre of the table where he can try them if he wants.If he’s eating babybel that’s great, I would continue to offer him foods like cheese alongside the crackers.

Then gradually once he’s eating more foods go a little bit further from the cracker texture to dry foods with less crunch or more moisture such as toast, nuts, dried apple, carrot sticks, chicken nuggets, chips, hash browns, pastry etc. If he’s drinking juice then that may also be a place you can try and introduce him to new tastes and textures, starting with maybe apple juice and maybe then working towards orange juice with pulp and then fruit smoothies to try and get more vitamins etc into him.

I'd make an appt with the HV or GP asap.
In the meantime, accept that some children with sensory or other disorders will starve themselves so accept the limitations your DS is imposing as he does need to eat. Eventually, he is likely to eat other things again but it will take a while.
Is there anything in particular which may have triggered this? Is he I'll? Has he had a sore throat or anything recently which may have caused food to taste or feel different? Has he moved room or anything at nursery?
For the next few days, I'd just give him crackers. Try & have him eat with you (or with his sister if they have breakfast or a post nursery snack together) but, if he doesn't want to, don't make him. DS is 6 & still stands at the table rather than sits if it's something he's not familiar with.
Once he's realised he's in control, you may be able to start re-introducing foods with a similar texture or previously accepted foods. What works for us, is to put DS in front of a favourite programme with a mix of acceptable foods some less acceptable but not repulsive foods and he'll eat much more than if he's at the table and expect to mind his manners, chat etc. Obviously I don't do anything as daft as give him any "wet" foods in this combination and none of the different foods touch each other as that would be outrageous.
Can you give your DS a multivitamin? That at least would give you the reassurance that he is getting some of the nutrition he needs.
I am not parenting DS in the manner I expected but his health is more important than manners. It isn't just around food that he has "issues" and I have had to learn to parent that child than to parent how I expected to parent. DD can be parented that way although I have to say that her table manners are not as good as I would like but she (understandably) thinks it unfair that she's being expected to try new foods, keep her mouth closed, elbows off the table etc when DS is standing near the table eating one of his regular foods.

Thank you everyone.

I’ve done the m-chat and it says low risk, no current cause for concern for autism. I do feel his behaviour isn’t right though.

He does love helping prepare food, baking cakes is a fact but equally I have him at the table helping chop up courgette, putting pizza topping on a pizza, ripping up herbs. He loves all that, just won’t eat any of it. Not even cake.

The GP did check his mouth and throat and said it all looked fine. He is starting to look unwell to me though.

It’s not just the food, it’s the refusing to have a wash too... he is just so difficult about everything.

Could it be something like sensory processing disorder? www.spdstar.org/basic/red-flags-for-spd

Hello OP DD1 has autism and sensory processing disorder. She is four and a half and has only ever eaten beige foods. She eats the same food day in day out and has about 10 in her range.
I used to despair as nothing would get her to eat. We paid privately to send her to a specialist speech and language therapist specialising in eating disorders. Some of the main things we've taken away from it are:
We eat together as much as we can.
Everything is laid out on the table in bowls. DD is expected to serve herself and put it onto her own plate but always has a plate of 'safe food' at the side so she doesn't go hungry.
She has sensory issues so if she wants to play with it with her fingers and explore its properties that's fine.
We used to stress so much and try and hide things but children are very good at knowing when they are being pressurised which often makes them more resistant. We are so much more relaxed at meal times now which she picks up on.
We buy a nutritionally complete multi vitamin powder and put it in her drink to ensure she is getting some form of nutrition.
Like a PP suggested it would be a good idea to get a referral to a speech and language therapist specialising in paediatric eating disorders.
Good luck- I know just how stressful it is.

Hmm interesting site. Just to go through their signals:

Infants and toddlers

Problems eating or sleeping >> Yes to both

Refuses to go to anyone but their mom for comfort
 >> No, goes to any family member or caregiver at nursery

Irritable when being dressed; uncomfortable in clothes
 >> Irritable unless we put him in his smelly shark jumper which he loves. Then he is fine. He is happy with pjs, it’s just he really really likes that one jumper.

Rarely plays with toys
 >> No plays with toys all the time!

Resists cuddling, arches away when held
 >> No, the opposite, he is always asking for cuddles!

Cannot calm self
 >> No he can

Floppy or stiff body, motor delays >> No, physically he is very able. Was early to crawl and walk and can quite happily navigate round playground equipment designed for older children. He is fantastic at scooting on ramps, can run along a balance beam and climb up climbing walls.

So on balance it’s again just the food and drink (and refusing to be washed). We do give him plenty of choice, I often leave a tray of snacks on the coffee table for him but say I put out breadsticks, cheese, apple, carrot and cucumber. He will only eatvthe breadstick. Everytime.

He could just have a sensory disorder or he could be on the spectrum albeit high functioning. My HFA son only ticked about half the boxes at that age.

Don't rule out autism. Keep it in mind.

Agree worth bearing autism in mind. DD is high functioning. Always been a good sleeper, can calm herself, goes to other people for comfort and plays with toys etc.

Would he drink a smoothie? You can get a lot of nutrition in one if he would.

DS is very fussy (some other sensory issues, on a pathway for possible adhd diagnosis), but I'm fairly relaxed about the limited range of food he'll eat as I throw a lot in his morning smoothie!

OP, my eldest child refused nearly all food at this age, it was so stressful. He was so thin. He was referred to a feeding clinic.
Arrived and saw a consultant who asked us a few questions, she was watching DS the whole time. She just said, “ Your child is autistic”.
Genuinely floored me.
He has aspergers. Is a teenager now.
That consultant told me another day that most children with Aspergers initially arrived via the feeding clinic, as food was their biggest issue. Parents didn’t realise that it was more than food most of the time.
FWIW my son is doing really well at a grammar school, has friends, a social life, and has a great life. But still eats about 5 things!
Maybe get in touch with HV again?