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Original poster

Swearing around your kids is grim isn't it

37 replies

SouthWestmom · 30/03/2019 21:07

So I've done it before - I'm not perfect. And today I sat in a restaurant while the man at the next table said 'fucking' several times to his small children and wife, berated her for spending money on food they wouldn't eat and I just thought that's it. I'm never doing it again. To be fair, it's been by accident and not design but hearing this was horrible. I'd have asked him to stop but didn't want a row.

OP posts:
Chocolateisfab · 30/03/2019 21:10

I swear at home. Never in public earshot.
I never swear at my dh /dc just in general rant mode as /when I feel the need.
No guilt.

Original poster
SouthWestmom · 30/03/2019 21:11

But repeatedly? Just general telling off the dc? Honestly I have sworn in front of mine. This bloke though. Just horrible.

OP posts:
KitKat1985 · 30/03/2019 21:11

Yes it's not great.

Yes I've done it frequently when frustrated and the kids are trying my last nerve (a regular occurrence).

Persimmonn · 30/03/2019 21:13

I always swear infront of my kids, when I’m driving or irritated. I never swear at them though and I never berate them the way you witnessed. Swearing infront of and swearing at, are two different things.

Poor kids and wife you witnessed today. The man is an abusive shit.

Original poster
SouthWestmom · 30/03/2019 21:14

Yeah maybe that's the difference. I don't know. He was just aggressive but also it was like he didn't have alternative words.
When we left he had gone somewhere and I wanted to tell her how bad it was but just chickened our.

OP posts:
FudgeBrownie2019 · 30/03/2019 21:49

I think there's a huge difference between swearing in front of them and swearing at them. I swear from time to time and they both know a few swear words but I don't think I swear at them often (if at all).

In a situation like that you know full well he's an arsehole, though.

BitchQueen90 · 30/03/2019 21:53

I don't swear in front of DS, never have. I really hate it. I actually don't really swear in general though.

DS knows swear words though, he's heard them from other people.

Original poster
SouthWestmom · 30/03/2019 22:06

It's just made me wish I never had. To be fair I've never done it like that, just casually every five minutes, in front of them and to them. Plus he was nasty about them and not eating food and her spending money - just a bit of a shock.

OP posts:
BarmyLlama · 30/03/2019 22:09

What's wrong in this situation is the man's abusive attitude towards his wife and kids, not the swearing. I'm quite a frequent (though quiet) swearer and, while I try not to do it so much around DD, she's undoubtedly heard me.

Ribbonsonabox · 30/03/2019 22:14

I swear around my children... I've always been sweary tbf... but not in anger and certainly not directed them, thats horrific!
I agree it's the context that is awful... the man sounds abusive.

You know saying 'what the fuck' at your phone quietly under your breath when spell check changes something you were trying to text... is a world away from shouting 'fuck off' angrily at your wife in front of your children

donajimena · 30/03/2019 22:17

His behaviour was awful. Swearing in front of my children? A timely 'shiiit' when I've forgotten something or dropped something on my toe I can't feel too apologetic for.
I really dislike punctuation of sentences with an expletive. E.g 'so I was fucking buying petrol today when the fucking cashier..' . My children are now teens and I will reprimand them for swearing inappropriately but I'm realistic about day to day life. My dad otoh, I can't even say 'blimey' without him having a fit of the vapours Grin

Roomchanging · 30/03/2019 22:18

Never sworn in front of my kids. I don’t think it’s funny when a 3 year old says ‘shit’ (or worse), and am reconsidering some friendships where my friends think that swearing around kids, but not at them, is ok.

cicciolina · 30/03/2019 22:18

The problem with that kind of swearing is that it sounds abusive and controlling.

Tone of voice means a lot too. I witnessed the same thing the other day, a woman was going to town on her small kids, effing this, effing that, you’re a loser, you’re nothing.

My mother swore a lot growing up but it was generally just part of the daily vocab. My grandparents swore constantly in Italian - but they were very rarely cross and never scary. In fact they were wonderful and kind people.

It was more like, if a politician was on TV they might yell ‘bas!’ Etc

So it just depends.

EdtheBear · 30/03/2019 22:22

He sounds like he was really frustrated at kids asking for food, the mum agreeing to it, then them not eating it.

Sound like you have a bit of a story, there could be a lot more to it than just him being abusive.

Original poster
SouthWestmom · 30/03/2019 22:22

I'm going to try to stop completely. It just sounded horrible. Even the bits where he was saying my fucking tooth yeah it fucking hurt taking that fucking thing out like an adjective sounded unnecessary and horrid.
He got worse towards the end, when it was less 'hmm swearing sounds bad' and more OMG you're vile.

OP posts:
SpeedyBojangles · 30/03/2019 22:24

I actually don't really swear in general though.

Nice username Bitchqueen Grin

Original poster
SouthWestmom · 30/03/2019 22:24

Maybe Ed I think I'm just thinking out loud really - this was the trigger. My kids were a bit 'oh that horrid man' afterwards but not in a scared way. I get being angry wit your kids, like I say I've definitely sworn around the house.
I'm going to stop though.

OP posts:
Pondwater · 30/03/2019 22:30

I agree with Barmy. There’s a difference between aggressive verbal abuse of family members and me calling Jacob Rees-Mogg a morally-bankrupt, reactionary shitebasket in front of my 6 year old.

TellerTuesday4EVA · 30/03/2019 22:33

It's in the tone of voice & the manner it's delivered. Growing up my grandad literally used the word fuck like a comma, pointless but not said with malice, as kids we knew it was wrong & none of us are 'sweary' adults

Mrscog · 30/03/2019 22:35

When DC1 was born I reincarnated the tame 80’s swear word of ‘bloody’ to my vocab, purely for using in front of the kids. I try and keep shit and fuck to a minimum around them and use bloody instead. Feels very retro but not threatening to them.

MigThePig · 30/03/2019 22:53

I never normally swear in front of DS but today he suddenly bit me in the leg quite hard, I was startled and yelled, "What the hell did you just do?!" Blush

MrsDeanWinchester75 · 30/03/2019 23:04

I've never sworn in front of dc (eldest is 6) but then I rarely swear at all, shit is about the strongest word I use.

I cringe when I hear women swear too, yes I know it sounds very sexist in this day but it was the way I was bought up, my parents never swore in front of me and dm used to say it was common and that people who swore only did so because they weren't clever enough to win an argument and so had to shout obscenities.

multivac · 30/03/2019 23:09

We are pretty sweary; but never at people, and are very strict about language use generally ('idiot', 'stupid', 'hate' don't go unchallenged). When our boys were about seven, we were in the pub and Mr Multivac was explaining that he'd only ever heard his father use 'the f-word' once.

Younger son's instant response was, 'What was the context?'

I was happy with that.

BarmyLlama · 30/03/2019 23:18

MigThePig
Maybe I'm desensitized to this but I'm not sure there was a swear word in that sentence.Wink

HarrySnotter · 30/03/2019 23:42

I'm a swearer but not in front of mine or anyone else's kids. I hate it.

There are so many kids in the school I work in swear as part of their everyday language and it's really not nice.