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Very early dating advice nededed!

16 replies

mynameisbilly · 30/03/2019 20:48

Hello!
I’m new to dating after a really lengthy, upsetting divorce. I guess my confidence has been shaken quite a bit because of that and I’m finding myself second guessing everything I say or do.

So...last week I went on a really lovely date with a guy. It was the best date I’ve ever been on, I felt like I could have skipped all the way home with happiness. He told me he’d really like to see me again. He’s messaged a good couple of times since.

Yesterday (Friday) he messaged asking what my plans were for this weekend. I told him I had lunch planned for my friend’s birthday but apart from that I was planless. He told me he was also busy Saturday morning, but also planless for the rest of the weekend.

I was kind of hoping he would then suggest we met up, given that we had both stated that we were free, but he made no such move. He’s sent a few more messages today but with no mention of a second date.

Perhaps I’m just being impatient, but do you think I should just go ahead and ask him if hes free to meet up tomorrow for a date? I know it’s silly, and I don’t want to play silly games but I feel a little reluctant to because I was the one who suggested going for coffee for the first date, and I would feel more reassured about his interest in me if he went ahead and suggested this next date.

Just as an FYI, I have wondered about whether he’s just a little shy but when we met, he appeared like a really socially confident, emotionally intelligent kinda guy so I can’t imagine that’s the issue?

OP posts:
theclockticksslowly · 30/03/2019 20:51

I can understand your reluctance but he did message you on Friday asking what you were up to on the weekend - so is showing some interest. Life’s too short to play games, if you enjoyed the first date send a message or call and suggest meeting up.

ChandelierSail · 30/03/2019 22:35

Yes just message him back and ask if he wants to meet up again.

Ikeameatballs · 30/03/2019 22:41

Just ask him.

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morewashingtodooo · 30/03/2019 22:50

Also beware that he maybe the type of person who likes the other person making plans. If your ok with that go for it but if you want a partner to take action then wait.

ColdNeverBotheredMeAnyway · 30/03/2019 22:51

It sounds like he was strongly hinting that he'd like to see you, but perhaps didn't quite have the confidence to ask you outright.

So go for it - ask him. Good luck!

Mummymummums · 30/03/2019 23:00

Yes ask him but I'd leave the ball in his court to ask for a third date.

poglets · 30/03/2019 23:39

I would message him and say 'you asked if I am free this weekend. Would you like to do something?'

I don't think you can go wrong with that message. If he is flaky then you have saved yourself time and energy.

Palominoo · 30/03/2019 23:43

Having plans means to me goi g out and doing something.

Just because he said he hadn't got any plans doesn't mean he is free as Sunday could be his housework/gardening etc day.

mynameisbilly · 31/03/2019 00:02

Thank you all so much for your replies. You gave me the confidence to ask. I asked and we’re going on a 2nd date tomorrow! Thank you all so much for your help!! Eee I feel all nervous and excited all over again 🙈

OP posts:
TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 31/03/2019 00:15

Hold back a little op. Have fun on your date but don't go jumping the gun xx

mynameisbilly · 31/03/2019 00:33

How do you mean? I appreciate any advice, I feel very novice so please keep it coming! xx

OP posts:
Flower777 · 31/03/2019 02:01

Personally I would always wait to be asked. I would also never say I was planless. Not in some weird game playing way though. Has always worked.

poglets · 31/03/2019 02:25

Enjoy your date, take it easy, and remember that if it goes well then he is also putting in the effort. Start as you mean to go on, I guess.

mynameisbilly · 31/03/2019 08:29

Oh man. It’s so difficult to know what’s right or wrong to say or do. Thank you though

OP posts:
NoWordForFluffy · 31/03/2019 08:40

You do what feels right and if that's you asking, then do it!

We're not in the 50s now, so you don't have to wait for them and you can tell them you don't have plans. Game playing / being coy is rubbish!

Hell, I even asked now-DH to marry me. 😂

StarlightLady · 31/03/2019 09:04

I am pleased you have a second date. It sounded to me that he was justctrying not to come over as pushy.

From my experience men who wait for women to ask them things are normally more positive in their attitude to women.

I hope you had a lovely time. x

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