Just lost the plot

[BrutusMcDogface]

I’ve been on a knife edge for ages. The usual; 4 kids, busy, tired, no sleep, husband that doesn’t help much and works long hours. I just screamed and cried and ranted and probably scared the children. The place is a mess. Nobody looks after anything or tidies or ours anything away (including the manchild). Now I feel like shit. dont even know what I’m hoping to achieve by posting here.

No advice but here's a bump

I did the same earlier.
OH been out in garage messing on-basically busy doing nothing. Kids have zero respect for our home and belongings.I have been busy doing everything and more and they speak to me like I'm scum. Being called pathetic by my dd for not allowing 2 friends to sleep over tonight was the final straw. I exploded in a mix of rage and tears.
I scared our dog ( who also has no respect and has chewed our new kitchen door!!! Aargh.

No advice but you are not alone

I’ve done exactly the same today. Spent hours putting away ‘stuff’ that should have been put away!!!!

Stop doing stuff for your husband (i.e. his washing, ironing etc) if he's not doing anything to help. Get the kids to help tidy up - have 5, 10, 15 minutes sessions of doing it and that can earn them screen time / other treats. And lower your standards as much as is feasible.

Thank you all 💐
Manchild has redeemed himself by doing me a nice breakfast and bringing me tea in bed!
Things need to change round here, though. We are just barely surviving at the mo.
Sorry to hear you’re feeling the same, BlueNerchant 💐

Sometimes it has to be done.
If the kids are old enough then give them specific chores to do.
Call everyone together for a chat and discuss it in a more calm way. Everyone can pull their weight.

I had a ‘meltdown’ one mother’s day around 6 years ago. I had divorced a couple of years before and my teenage DC just did nothing in the house at all and had done nothing for mother’s day except buy an card that was in very poor taste in the circumstances. Something like, “It’s Mother’s Day, we’ll all pull together. Even Daddy’s doing the ironing.” When ‘Daddy’ had left for the OW, and they were hardly ‘pulling together!’

I completely lost it. Cried, went for a walk to calm down, came back and hadn’t calmed down at all. I really let rip and suffice to say they all had jobs/chores from that day onwards and have always been great on Mother’s Day since.

TBH, I should have been stricter on them before and was doing everything for them to try to prove to myself that I was doing well as a single mum. Except I was feeling very unappreciated. Better to sort these issues out before you get to the final straw stage, but easier said than done. We still talk about Mother’s Day Gate six years on.

Sound like it is time for new rules. I don't ask much of my kids (6&3) but when the whole house looks a shit tip - because THEY have thrown their shit everywhere, I put a timer on and we have a race to see how much we can tidy before it goes off. Even in just 3 minutes you can see a big difference. With 4 kids you could get some good stuff done!
Make it a competition, set 5 mins on a timer and put them in their rooms. Tidiest room when the timer goes off wins a treat!

Sometimes losing the plot is the only way to make people take notice. I'm not recommending it to anyone on a regular basis, but when you're at the end of your tether it happens. I hope things improve OP.

Dear god, nothing has changed. I don’t think it’s had any impact at all.