I have NC for this thread.
I have been with DP 7 years, two DC. He doesn't live with us however (had to move in with disabled parent years ago and never came back) but he's here everyday, just doesn't live here.
I just don't want the relationship anymore, he was my first serious relationship, the only person I've slept with etc but he's becoming an absolute drain on me.
He has no intentions of moving back in although he does very obviously want the relationship, which means he's done no night-feeds, no night wakings, no extremely early morning (oldest starts his day at 4am) no breakfast times. I have to and have done absolutely everything for both DC. He says he feels like he's missing out but has made no attempts to sort things out so he can move back.
DP and oldest DC clash like crazy, DP can't look at DC without there being a blazing row sometimes started by DC and sometimes started by DP and his unrealistic expectations of DC, you've never heard anything like it. The house is starting to feel extremely toxic from the moment he comes round and I feel like I can finally breathe again the moment he leaves.
He smokes cannabis, never ever around the DC I won't have it in my house. I know some people are fine with it and I don't care what he does in his own time but not around the kids. He isn't working atm (though give him his due he is trying to look for work) which means money for him is sometimes abit tight and when he doesn't have any drugs he is incredibly difficult to be around. This little patience he has completely vanishes, he sits with a face on him the whole time, nit picks absolutely everything, it's a complete drain on everyone around him and since he isn't working and I refuse to pay for it, this is quite regular.
He makes comments that he's depressed all of the time but has made absolutely no attempt to get any help. I help him every single day as much as I can but he's really starting to affect my mental health now, I'm exhausted.
But somehow despite all of this I'm still struggling to end the relationship. I've never had to end one before and I know if I say everything I've wrote on this thread he will deny it, act like I'm making it up or making it sound worse because he doesn't see how genuinely difficult life is around him.
He will start to make me feel guilty that other people (family members) have left him in his life and start to blame the way he acts on that.
He will accuse me of there being another man (absolutely not true) because he won't be able to see that he is actually at fault and he is slowly breaking me.
I don't even know why I'm posting this to be honest, maybe just to get it all off my chest in hope that reading it back would make me realise that he isn't any good for me. Maybe just for a hand hold and to know if anyone has been through similar.
Thanks for reading this very rambling post.