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Original poster

Do you intervene when you see a parent being abusive in public?

23 replies

wlucy · 30/03/2019 17:43

Something happened today while I was out in town that is playing on my mind. I walked past a large family and I was on my own with my baby in her pram. The mum of the family suddenly grabbed a boy (about 7) around the back of his head, kind of bent him right over and pushed his head down and shouted "I've told you to stop hanging off the pram! ' in his ear. I try not to judge in these situations as we all have days where we could handle situations better but I really thought it was completely out of order and excessive. I can't stop thinking about that poor kid. What do you do in situations where you see a parent being out of order/ taking it too far in public? I wish I had had the balls to say something but I don't ever want to put myself in situations that could escalate when I am with my baby (as I'm sure you all understand!) xx

OP posts:

BillywigSting · 30/03/2019 17:56

I usually want to say something but more often than not I freeze and don't say a word.

I then spend the next few days worrying about the child as if the parents are willing to do whatever it was I saw in public, I wonder what goes on behind closed doors.

The one time I did interneve it wasn't directly to the parent, but to school as the child was is ds's class. They are under social services now.

Blahdeblahbahhhhh · 30/03/2019 18:01

I saw a parenting expert say if you see something like that you should

think of your worst parenting fail and how you felt. Feel empathy & compassion
go to the mum and say something like “hi, I’m sorry to interrupt you it’s just you look like you’re having a really stressful day. I know how hard it is. Do you want to tell me about it? Or (if you’re a hugger) would you like a hug?

Obviously not suitable for truly absuive siruations but for poor parenting, the best thing you can do for the child is help the mum/dad.

Original poster

wlucy · 30/03/2019 18:02

It's so sad and such a tricky situation isn't it. I worry about whats happening behind closed doors too... If you have no problem shouting and being rough in public then what even happens in private :(

OP posts:

NorthEndGal · 30/03/2019 18:03

I will, and have stepped in, if a child (or animal) is being abused by someone, out in public.
I always thought I would have kept myself to myself, but when it actually happened, I physically stepped in. I didn't even stop to think (which upset DH) about what might happen.
I just snapped and reacted.

jellymaker · 30/03/2019 18:06

I have seen a couple of things over the heads and have really regretted not doing something. I have resolved to just phone 999 if I ever see something else that is not right. Sometimes you have to intervene for the child and not to spare the parents feelings.

jellymaker · 30/03/2019 18:06

*years

TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 30/03/2019 18:08

Offer a hug?? 🤨

Original poster

wlucy · 30/03/2019 18:10

Good for you Northendgal.. Wish I had more balls like you.

OP posts:

Cherylshaw · 30/03/2019 18:14

😂 if i was having a bad day and my kids were kicking off, i would lose my mind if someone came up to me and offered a hug! Or asked if i wanted to talk about it.
Its different if someone is being seriously abusive but if they are shouting at their child or pulling them away from something leave them be!

notacooldad · 30/03/2019 18:16

I tried to once about 15 years ago.
A women was screaming and shouting at her child who was about 4. I said something to try and help and be sympathetic. Her mate turned up and I got a load of abuse and told to mind my fucking buisness.I honestly thought they were going to beat me up, it got hairy.
Things seem to have got more aggressive on the intervening years so I would be reluctant on behalf of my own family if I'm being truthful.

bluebellsinmarch · 30/03/2019 18:18

I have to admit I would probably not say anything but feel sad for the child

Hamsterdancer · 30/03/2019 18:19

I was getting some pretty dirty looks today when I had to hold my 11yr old in a shop so he didn't punch me. I was behind him holding his arms to stop him thrashing about. To the outside it probably looks awful as he has a tendency to scream "let go of me" or "ow" but if I dont do that until he calms down he will throw himself about or hit me.

I have had helpful advice from the public such as "he needs a good slap" or "just put it down" but never much else.

Vika1985 · 30/03/2019 18:19

To be honest, one child in a pram is simple. If you had an older child or several completely ignoring you and swinging off the pram you might lose your temper too? Have a bit of compassion, OP. You sound very judgemental.

EdWinchester · 30/03/2019 18:21

I once saw a man holding a toddler who was having a bit of a strop. The man was so horrible - he actually slapped the boy hard across the face.

I was incensed and said 'you should be ashamed of yourself!'. He shouted at me, 'FUCK OFF'!

Felt so bad for that little boy, but what I said was only going to piss off the bloke further.

Mind you, if a stranger asked me 'would you like a hug?', I'd probably be extremely rude in my response.

PauperTroll · 30/03/2019 18:26

There was a poster on here years ago who said that she knelt down and directly addressed the child with "I just want you to know that it's never OK for anyone to hit you"

And when the parent kicked off at her she just said "I wasn't talking to you."

Isadora2007 · 30/03/2019 18:30

I guess I’d maybe take a photo or identifying features like a car registration number or something so that if I was very concerned I could contact social services or the police. I might call them out on it- like saying “that’s really not okay to hit/speak to your child like that” but then I’d be scared to make it worse for the child/ren.

Original poster

wlucy · 30/03/2019 18:52

Vika1985 .. I am actually one of the least judgemental people going and for how rough and aggressive she was with her little boy I was very lenient towards her with my opinion. There are many mums out there with kids that are having off days that don't resort to grabbing their necks and shouting right in their faces, myself included.

OP posts:

Original poster

wlucy · 30/03/2019 18:55

And hamsterdancer, I am sorry that someone actually said that to you. Very hurtful words!

OP posts:

elQuintoConyo · 30/03/2019 19:01

I tried to help a child once, got thumped for it. I won't help again.

NorthEndGal · 30/03/2019 21:17

It was nothing to do with guts. That implies I recognized the danger and went ahead anyhow.
I truly did not stop to assess the situation at all.
I am very lucky that the person stopped, and vented at me verbally, and didn't attack me physically.
That said, I'd do it again. At least I know that about myself now.

justasking111 · 30/03/2019 21:25

My OH tried to intervene with a mother and child queuing at the sunday carvery in a restaurant once, the next thing the father came over and threatened to give my OH a seeing to. That was scary.

A restaurant owner saw a child being treated badly in a restaurant in our town. He called the police in. The kids were supposed to sit there and watch their parents eat, it all kicked off when the children asked for something to eat and drink.

BetsyBigNose · 02/04/2019 12:19

Just yesterday I was coming out of school at the end of the day after collecting DD2 and I had my DM with me.

There was a woman shovelling 2 children into a taxi, the boy looked about 5 or 6 and I heard her say to him "Stop fucking about, don't be a dick". I couldn't help but say something like "Oh my goodness!" and she yelled at me to "Get a grip", and I replied "That is a disgusting way to speak to your child!" and just walked on.

If I see her at school again and can work out who her child is, I will certainly report her to the school. No child deserves to be spoken to like that - especially by their own Mother!

I don't think walking up to her and offering a hug would have helped...

Mummabear12345567889 · 02/04/2019 19:26

I think it depends on what the situation is. Worst scenario for a mum who was just having a bad day is that they get a visit from SW/Police and they're able to assess this as a one off/get further info and it doesn't get taken further.

Please don't think it's not worth reporting though. I think it's important that members of the public know this.

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