Would you let your 12 year old DD come for a sleepover?

[Blewbird]

DSD has told us her mother didn't organise a party for her this year and she'd really like a sleepover party. We are happy to host but DSDs friends live in another county about 45 minutes away. We haven't met any of the parents. Am I nuts to think they will let their DDs come? Is there anything I can do to reassure them?

Once my dd's started secondary school I let them decide if they went to sleepovers. Usually met the dps on collection only!
Maybe offer up your mobile number in advance - I had a few chats with a dm previous as her dd had a medical issue which needed discussing before she slept at ours.

At that age I’d not be happy about dc going to a sleepover with parents I’d never met and also so far away. My dc are 10 and 12 btw. I’d be happy for them to attend something though - could you arrange cinema/swimming/bowling/whatever plus lunch out? Bit more pricey though.

Yes we have. The girls arranged it on their own phones and then we and the other parents met halfway on drop off night at a Costa for the handover.

I wouldn't allow my DD to sleepover 45mins away at a strangers house no.
It seems a but of a farce.Kids having to travel to your house miles away.

Get the friends’ mums mobile numbers, I would be happy if dsd was a good pal of my daughter’s, and I had spoken to you first.
Hope you all have fun!

I think 12 is plenty old enough to go to a sleepover with someone who’s parents you don’t know.
I think once kids start secondary, most parents don’t really know any of the other parents anyway unless you’re one of the ‘PTA’ types.

I’d let dd11 go if she was confident. She’d call me if uncomfortable, and I’d meet you at drop off. Update texts from you would be reassuring too.

We'd be offering to do all the driving. The DSCs mum has never once driven them to us or even halfway. So that will be nothing new! The idea was to do some kind of activity party like horse riding or whatever then sleepover, brunch, drive them home?

I'm thinking of texting the parents directly myself once the girls accept the invite?

I would, the distance is nothing to me; I drive that every day to work/shopping/drop DC's at friends anyway.

It’s sounds lovely op. Very thoughtful of you. Seems like it’s worth trying to organise - presumably any parents not happy can collect the girls after the activity although the responses on this thread indicate it won’t be a problem.

I've let my ds in similar circumstances but he had a secret code word which meant pick me up now with a non embarrassing excuse, to save face.

Contact the parents but say you understand if they don't feel comfortable with it. Promise to call them if their child wants to come home and offer to drive them back in that case.

I think offering up your mobile number and then texting them yourself is a good idea. I think most parents would at that age. They are secondary so it's rare you know any of the parents! I think if it was a girls name you had heard and knew was a friend of your DD.

bluemarchant a farce? Because a child wants a sleepover at their house? What is the DSD supposed to do? It's a bit sad to think of it as a farce, sucking the fun out of being 12

Yes I would and my DD has her friends sleep over at her dad and stepmums house. No one has had an issue with it as far as I can remember.

Some of the parents have met her dad at things like school plays etc but none have met the stepmum or siblings etc.

They live about 30 minutes away.

DD is 12 but her friends have been sleeping over for a few years.

Sounds like a good plan.

I’d prefer to drop off so I knew where she was, but otherwise it sounds good.

We did this with DSD in Feb half term. (We also live 45 mins away). Her mum has never done her a party for any birthdays and DP has always worried about whether other parents would let their children come if he organised it. We even suggested giving her mum the money for a party but she's got too much on 🙄 (doesn't work, has 3 children 17, DSD12 and a 3 year old).
This year I really pushed it with DP as I felt sorry for DSD. She was desperate for a sleepover - DS has them all the time and I felt really bad for her seeing him having friends round and never doing it herself. I was also conscious that she gets invited to lots of things but never reciprocates, so didn't want her to start being left out in the absence of return visits.
She asked her friend, parents said yes and it went really well. She is having a couple of friends over at Easter now too. She was so happy she cried when we said she could do it. I feel really sad for those children with separated parents who miss out on these things
Go for it OP. A few may say no, but I am sure some will come. Offering a phone number to contact you on and providing details of what they will be doing (as well as offering to do the driving - we did this) will help. I hope your DSD has a lovely time.

DSD is worried they won't come and now doesn't want to try. I'm not sure how hard to push but I feel awful for her. She's such a lovely girl.

That's such a shame. Could she maybe test the waters with them before sending out invites?
If they definitely won't come, how about arranging the party part (minus sleepover and at a venue closer to them) and doing that.
Perhaps arrange a trip to town or meet up for cinema a few weeks after.
Then over the summer perhaps invite one or two for a sleepover after they've already spent time with your family at the party?
Maybe all at once is a bit much, but taking it a step at a time and building up to it might work.
It's rubbish having to do all the driving to friends, but it does seem to help in our case.

Blewbird, be confident for her. She only needs a couple of pals really.
Could you figuratively or literally hold her hand while she asks them?
You are a lovely stepmum doing the right thing, keep going

On the walk home from Mother's Day lunch she told me the real reason is that she's a bit embarrassed of us. She's worried DH will wander around in his pants in the morning and that I'll leave pants/bras on the washing line. Oh to be 12! She's also concerned the little ones will invade her sleepover. I've assured her all of the above can be sorted. Now hopefully some of them say yes!

Yes!!! That’s brilliant for you, really hope all goes well.

Just a regular 12 yo then!

FWIW, I would let my 12 yo go to a sleepover in similar circumstances if she was happy to. I would appreciate having your number though.

blew my DD had one last weekend for her 13th birthday. last Sunday I was decorating in the garden so had my tags on, she was not impressed.

Her friends, much to her annoyance, will tolerate her younger sister quite a bit.

It will be fine though, the only parent I have had any real contact with for and on a sleep over is her friend with illness/disability as I have to give her her meds. Everyone else just dumps them on the doorstep.