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Original poster

Argh pissed guy I've seen once is still using tindr lol

51 replies

CitrusDreams · 30/03/2019 09:45

I know it's probably unreasonable of me to expect him not to (esp in this modern age) - was fine with him having the app but now I know he's using it (location hadn't changed on it for the 2 weeks we've been "dating" i.e. texting and phone calls + 1 date last week) but yesterday (friday night), the location changed twice....

I know we haven't had the exclusivity talk etc. and maybe I'm old fashioned but to me, it seems right to just focus on that 1 person you may potentially like and if it doesn't work out, go back to the app.. I just don't get this shopping around thing as back in the day, people never had tindr let alone be expecting to use it whilst dating someone else. I'm not expecting anything ridiculous like him not talking to any females at all e.g. at pubs, dancing etc lol.

I know I'm probably going to get a lot of hate for asking/expecting this but I guess it makes it feel like more business-y and less romantic/exciting perhaps?

I don't really want to be having that "exclusivity" chat as I feel it should develop naturally and be the underlying assumption (until issues/incompatibility arises)

OP posts:
Dramatical · 30/03/2019 10:57

feel like the stats won't be as favourable for it working out if it was the other way around in genders

Oh dear.

MitziK · 30/03/2019 11:12

So he's only done the same as you had already told him you were doing?

Original poster
CitrusDreams · 30/03/2019 11:23

@MitziK Not really as what I told him I did was that I'd spoken to multiple guys BEFORE ever matching with him (and he was a bit upset/concerned about that) - seems hypocritical for him to then still be speaking to others on there AFTER matching with me and us going on a date if he was upset at me doing it before?

OP posts:

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kaytee87 · 30/03/2019 11:26

He's not that into you. Shopping around for a better option.

Original poster
CitrusDreams · 30/03/2019 11:28

@kaytee87
Exactly what I thought :/

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 30/03/2019 11:29

At least you know not to waste too much time on him Smile

Original poster
CitrusDreams · 30/03/2019 13:26

Yeah I guess it's better finding out now than in a year's time !

OP posts:
BorsetshireBlew · 30/03/2019 14:08

He was annoyed that you spoke to other men BEFORE matching with him?

Fuck that guy. Controlling behaviour on the first date? Ew

FleeceDetective · 30/03/2019 14:25

But you’re still using tinder too?

JacquesHammer · 30/03/2019 14:29

I know we haven't had the exclusivity talk etc

He's not that into you

I mean, it’s TWO weeks. I’d say relax a LOT and stop reading more into a very, VERY new situation.

EnidButton · 30/03/2019 14:32

Why do I feel like you're a bloke pretending to be a woman? Is this a reverse?

Original poster
CitrusDreams · 30/03/2019 14:36

@BorsetshireBlew
Yeah I thought the same but was willing to let it slide if he is genuinely a guy who's incredibly over the top nice (i.e. not even opening tinder after we met) but seeing as he's not, feels very hypocritical.

@JacquesHammer
Yeah there is that side but surely they say a man knows what he wants when he sees it - don't men usually court a woman more intensely (hence the term "the chase"), zone in on her only at least for the first few weeks to see where it's going if they really had any proper feelings? It seems virtually impossible if he seems lukewarm to the point he's checking out other options 2 weeks in for him to suddenly get obsessed (in a normal way lol) and passionate about chasing me..
I can't tell if it's his personality or his lack of feelings for me..

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 30/03/2019 14:39

Stop thinking in weird stereotypes Confused

If you enjoy his company see him casually. If you don’t stop. But it’s been TWO weeks. How can he (or you....) possibly know whether it’s something you want to pursue.

Relax and enjoy it. Don’t overthink it.

EnidButton · 30/03/2019 14:39

Actually I don't think you are. It was the females and talk about gender reversing. I think maybe you're just young.

Not all men are the same or act the same and that goes for women too. You're overthinking it and seem to have an expectation of how every relationship should go and how men should act. I'd let go of that if you can and stop thinking too far ahead. He might just be a casual fling. You can't know at this stage.

If how he's behaving makes you feel crap then perhaps you shouldn't see him again. You don't have to go along with it.

EnidButton · 30/03/2019 14:40

Cross posted. Yes, stop stereotyping people based on whether they're a man or woman.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 30/03/2019 15:23

Flipping hell! Are you dating in the 1950’s? Or very new to dating?

BorsetshireBlew · 30/03/2019 15:32

Don't let things slide. Not ever, but especially not after one date.

00100001 · 30/03/2019 16:38

I still don't understand why it's ok for you to be in tinder and not him.... Confused

SilverySurfer · 30/03/2019 17:39

How could you possibly talk about exclusivity and his 'lack of feelings for you' and do you seriously expect him not to date other people after you had ONE DATE?

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 30/03/2019 19:53

I think it's a little too soon to expect him to delete his profile after just one date but I do see where you're coming from.
I did the dating sites for a few years and I did not multi date. I didn't have time to go out and meet loads of men if I didn't think it was going to lead somewhere. I had to have a bit of a connection with someone and chat for a while before we met.
I wouldn't be dating someone if I'd known they were actively looking in case anything better came along as it would mean they didn't really like me that much to pursue anything further. Either they liked me or they didn't and I wasn't competing against someone as I wasn't desperate.
Unfortunately I think he's probably not that into you. Maybe it's worth giving it a bit more time to see, but I wouldn't leave it much longer.

Original poster
CitrusDreams · 30/03/2019 22:25

@00100001
No I wasn't really using tinder - I was checking if his location updated and used it from my original location (whilst he was quite obviously actually using it to chat to others as if he was trying to see whether my location changed, surely he'd check from home (his last location) otherwise, my location (distance away) would change as a result of him checking from elsewhere..

Thanks everyone so far. I had expected the general responses to be optimistically it's too soon to tell and pessimistically, he's shopping around for better alternatives.

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sagradafamiliar · 30/03/2019 22:46

Why would he not be still on Tinder? It's a casual dating app. You're both dating. You're both single and looking to date. Between the two of you, you've shared one date. It would be a massive red flag to call off the search and future bomb each other this early.

BorsetshireBlew · 31/03/2019 06:37

I was checking if his location updated and used it from my original location (whilst he was quite obviously actually using it to chat to others as if he was trying to see whether my location changed, surely he'd check from home (his last location) otherwise, my location (distance away) would change as a result of him checking from elsewhere..

What? Why were you doing this?

SnowBrussels · 31/03/2019 07:10

You sound far too invested after just one date. Instead of focusing on one person, why not take the opportunity to see others until you find one to be exclusive with?

Original poster
CitrusDreams · 31/03/2019 10:48

@BorsetshireBlew Insecurity I guess?

@SnowBrussels because all the others on there have seem awful - literally have matched with over 200 men on there and each and every one of them had issues that I could see within 5 minutes of messaging them. A lot of them don't initiate the first hello and even when I do, a lot of them don't reply. Literally been swiping for years before I came across this one potentially ok dude. It's far less straightforward to meet someone outside of online as awkward finding out whether other guys are single etc. whereas on the app, intention is clear (but yes I know they might not be truly single either), and there's less variety to choose from at hobbies/societies. Would never date someone from work and don't have many friends

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