Childcare - what can parents do to help baby settle?

[LisaSimpsonsbff]

I've been thinking about this today because yesterday was the third settling in session for DS (nearly 9 months), but the first one I've taken him to - DH (who is on parental leave with him since I went back to work at 6 months) has taken him before, but I'm on holiday this week. I was quite shocked at how upset DS was when I picked him up (after an hour). The childminder said it was the worst he'd been so far, but basically said it was normal - but obviously I was heartbroken, and I think I'd been in massive denial where I thought that because DS isn't a very cuddly baby, likes seeing new people, and hadn't batted an eyelash when I went back to work he would somehow be fine without me and DH.

Anyway, I was googling and found a forum full of childminders complaining about hard to settle babies of DS's age, and lots of them felt that it was because the baby got too much attention at home. As I said, DS isn't particularly cuddly so we don't carry him around constantly (and certainly not since he's been crawling) but he does get A LOT of attention, especially since I work from home mostly so he has two parents around an unusual amount compared to most babies. Obviously I'm not going to just start ignoring him, but are there things we can do to make it a bit easier for him? The settling in procedure talks a lot about things the childminder will do, but what about us - I'm desperate to do anything that'll make it as untraumatic as it possibly can be for him. Is it worth trying to change his routine at home in preparation? Any tips or experiences on this? Or am I worrying unnecessarily and the thing that'll help him settle is just time?

My youngest screamed the first few times at childminder in settle sessions but as soon as she started going all day she was fine. 3 years later she pushes me out the door. Hopefully it will get better for you.
When you leave I would try and make sure he is involved in an activity or something and then leave as quick as possible.

Not quite the same as we used a nursery setting but our DS took several months to be fully settled. For us it was just time as he got to know the staff and persevering. Leaving quickly worked best for us too so not drawing out the goodbyes.

Now he goes straight to staff and waves goodbye.

Some children do take a while to settle. Basically we (childminders) are strangers. It often takes time, care and patience from us. I always feel for everyone concerned but in a decade of doing this job not one has failed to settle in.

Sorry posted too soon. I agree with a firm kiss goodbye and go, prolonging it makes it worse. Often an item of parents clothing (recently worn) helps the child feel a bit more secure.

I really wouldn't worry too much about what childminders say on forums etc and gubbins about giving babies "too much attention". 9 months can be a difficult time for settling just because it's a peak time for separation anxiety typically, but as long as they are seeing the childcarer frequently, settle they do. My first settling sessions with my new nanny when DS1 was 22 months were hellacious. But I had to work, and he settled, and he positively adores the nanny now.

It's good if you can create some consistencies/comfort cues across home and work e.g. a toy or blanket that smells of you or home they can carry back and forth, a pre-sleep routine or favourite song etc. Other than that, when you do drop-off, kiss and cuddle your child, tell them you are going and will come back as brightly as possible, and then leave. Don't drag it out and if you have to cry yourself (no judgement here), try to do it outside. That way one of the things they learn is that you do always come back, and that you are leaving them at a fun place rather than a sad place.