How do I stop lying?

[BigGreyCloud]

Since I was a teenager I’ve told lies, small white inconsequential lies and bigger ones. Lies to make me seem “better” or more “worthy” than I am. I told someone in work I have 3 children when I don’t. I told them their names and everything. I had told them this story before I had even realised and almost before I knew it was a lie. I know it needs to stop but I don’t know how. Lying is almost a comfort I guess (not sure how but that’s how it feels). I seem to have a relaxed attitude towards the truth. I do things that are wrong before I’ve even realised or thought of the consequences. I hate it. I hate myself for it. How do I change it?

I tell lies all the time. Self-serving ones, not self-aggrandising ones. There’s no profit to self-aggrandising ones to me, as it makes no difference to my life if my friends think e.g I’m going on holiday to Florida when I’m going to Cornwall - I’m still not getting a trip to Florida even if everyone at work thinks I am. But saying I’m unwell when actually I just want a day in bed? I’ll do that.

I think my problem is that I do both. Lying is just as easy as telling the truth. There’s been a situation in work where I’ve done something wrong without realising it was wrong until after I’d done it, because of my relaxed attitude towards the truth. Now I’m deeply upset and feel awful about it but it’s too late.

It's not too late to avoid future incidents like that, though. Maybe this could be a bit of a wake up moment for you? I think seeing a therapist would be a good idea, but I get what you mean about not affording it. I had various other mental health issues, especially when I was younger, so I had therapy on the NHS, but that can be hard to come by, especially one that's more in-depth. Mind has some advice. I now see a private one who has reduced fees for people on lower income, and that's been a blessing for me, as I'm very slow to trust people and to get properly "into" therapy.

My problem is the thing that happened in work (a boss asking me to do something I shouldn’t have done) is a big deal. And deservedly so. He asked, I did it without thinking or realising it was wrong. I realised very soon after but by then it was too late.

And although what I did was morally wrong I did put steps in place with to put things right but still it shouldn’t have happened and wouldn’t have happened with a more balanced person.

Anyway I have emailed some counsellors today so just waiting for their response.