Has anyone dated a man who was serious about them but who would rarely initiate texts?

[CitrusDreams]

Has anyone dated a man who was serious about them but who would rarely initiate texts?

Most guys I've dated would initiate every day's text and/or phone convo right from day 1 until the day we break up (even after the break up in some cases)..

Yet I've met one who is much more passive.
He'll initiate texts on day 1, then won't hear from him day 2 and most of day 3 but when I initiate later in day 3, he'll respond enthusiastically and quickly.

He has said in the past, he doesn't like text convos much as they take forever and even us speaking on the phone once, it was me who initiated that and he said he liked that I "took on the role of the man traditionally by asking for a phone call" (we first met online where he initiated contact by sending the first message).

I suppose if initiating contact has always been 50-50 between the man and the woman, I'd be fine with it but as EVERY guy I've dated has ALWAYS initiated every conversation, asked me out on each day, etc. this guy seems soo lacking.

I guess what I'm asking is, is this normal for some guys to be a bit passive or definitely a sign I'm low priority/he's not so interested in me?

I don't wanna write him off if there are guys who are like this who actually have ended up becoming serious relationships for any of you so if any of you have such stories let me know. I know this guy is quite busy at work, with sports clubs 2 evenings per week and lives with his best friends so always socialising with them in the evenings (p.s we have met in person on a date already).

I remember one of my older male friends telling me a few years ago that when his girlfriend (now his wife) would text him, he'd sometimes forget to answer for days / weeks and she was kinda worried that he was married to someone else because of how long he'd take to reply but in all honesty, he was a bit introverted, inexperienced with women and a dreamer (and he did want to be with her seriously).

& I know that guys generally speak to e.g. their mothers, far less than most women (like contact once a week) so perhaps they don't feel it's an issue not to be in daily contact?

Thank you

I'd ring him. You have to see if he's able to give you what you want by 'testing' him. And not some sneaky test. Just straightforward test that he can either step up to or withdraw away from.

I've dated a lot of men on line and I have less trust for meeting somebody through this avenue now. Do you know for a fact that he's off the various apps and dating sites? Have you met anybody in his life?

Oh I see he's introduced you to some friends already. Well that's a good sign, but if somebody is ''serious'' about you in my experience they cannot stop themselves from communicating!

By serious does he mean that to tell you he's not a player. He may not be a player but I don't think his feelings are serious even if his intentions aren't dishonourable, ykwim? Sorry if that sounds negative.

But maybe they'll grow. Definitely think about what you want too though. Don't just fall in to his step if it's not right for you. I ALWAYS used to make that mistake! Now I just say what I want.

Thanks for your response @SelkieRinnNaMara

No I haven't met his friends.. we've only met the once lol the friend I mention is story about one of my old friends from a few years back.

I see what you mean but it's tough as even the ones who initiate all the time and are so alpha are often not serious either so maybe how much they initiate conversations has no connection to how serious someone is about the other.

I think if it feels like hard work then it's not right for you.

One of the first men i dated from OLD, we got on like a house on fire when we were together but when we werent i was afraid to bother him as he was so busy and important. Ha! I could have texted but i didnt feel comfortable doing that. I was just coming around to thinking "this isnt worth it" when he dumped me!! It was a series of good dates really. The connection wasnt really there.

Another man i dated that i met online, it was easier to communicate with him as he was more intense, the opposite to the guy who compartmentalised. He lovebombed me then withdrew. He blew hot and cold and i never knew where i was and then again, just as i was realising "this doesnt work for me i need to know where i am. I need to be certain of my boyfriend's feelings for me" , he dumped me!!

So i learnt, if it is not working for you, it is not working for you.

What do you need? Contact between dates? To feel that your calls would alwsys be welcome? Then tell him what you need and then step back and see if he can give you what you need.
Four yrs of internet dating taught me not to try and be what somebody else needed

Yes I have done that and I am to married to him now.

I know what you mean, as when we were dating I did feel like I wasn't very important to him at times? Compared to previous bfs that would be texting me all the time. But I saw quickly that he just genuinely wasn't in to texting or calling (anyone). So do you think your guy is like this, or is he texting everyone but you. If if he is like this, does it bother you. I'm not much of a talker myself so I was fine with it, but I see how it wouldn't work for others.

The other thing is, some guys I've dated text you constantly and love bomb you as pp said, but actually aren't serious at all. They just enjoy the texting! So it's not necessarily a good guide.

What Butteredtoast said. I seldom text my OH unless I have something urgent that needs an answer. When I’m at work, I’m flat out and no time to text anyone. That doesn’t mean I don’t love him, it just means I’m busy.

I dated one man who would send a text and expect an answer almost immediately and got grumpy and outraged if I didn’t look at my phone for a few hours. Just too needy for me.

Some people don't like texting. I don't. I find it an inefficient way to communicate and it annoys me. Tbh I've dumped guys before who texted too much, although mainly because they got huffy if they didn't get a response within a time frame that they deemed acceptable. I'm happy to talk to people, finish the conversation and get on with my evening. I'm not happy to be expected to effectively have a conversation throughout the day and night that feels like it never ends. Maybe your guy is like me?

Umm what do you imagine happened in the days before texting, emails etc??

My partner wasn't mad about texting even though we lived 150 miles apart initially. It doesn't necessarily mean anything other than some people prefer not to conduct a relationship via a medium that is as frequently misunderstood as texting.

Relax, call him when you know he will be free or email him. If you want to text then do so, just be prepared to be the one to initiate. It really isn't a test as to who goes first!

If he's not into texting it he needs to find another way of keeping the communication going between you, because the relationship won't develop if not.

Yes and I married him. Neither of us are bothered about constant communication. I work away for part of the week and we still don't often call. We both get very bored with the small talk that makes up most texts and prefer to wait to talk until we see each other. You both have different text preferences- maybe don't read anything more into it than that?

Reader, I married him!

My DH doesn't do texts, except in response to specific questions. He does not do general chat via text and never has. To be fair, we have been together since before texting was a big thing. When we first got together, we had vety basic PAYG phones where you had to press the number buttons to get the letters you wanted! And each text cost 10p so if you only had a fiver credit, it wouldn't last long if you were texting back and forth about what you'd had for your tea!

We just don't have that relationship. I don't communicate with him during the working day unless to specifically ask him to pick something up on way home or similar. He goes away for weekends fairly regularly with his hobby and its not unusual for me to not hear from him Friday until Sunday.

Its the way our relationship works and we are both OK with it. I think you have to both have the same expectations.

I get more and more cheesed off with the way people use their phones all the time. I have female friends who are rarely without the phone in their hand and they will be in social situations and every ten minutes even while chatting they will bring out the phone and check messages. I find that really rude and anti social. I rarely see men behaving like that. I think men generally are much less "texting" animals.

Thanks everyone so far for your helpful messages :)

Well as someone who has done OD. I don't take it as a good sign, the men who could not bother to initiate contact with me ended up fading.

The men who were contacting me to set up dates etc were the ones who wanted an relationship.

You only met once anyway, why are you worrying about this now? You don't know him and he means nothing to you. Keep dating others.