Sensitive subject but do you have a friend or relative that has died of mesothelioma?

[Buombalayo]

My FIL sadly died of mesothelioma last year after working heavily with asbestos 25 years ago. We are all very sad and my poor DH is understandably still struggling to come to terms with the loss of his father.

For that reason I feel I can't really speak to him and anyone about this but I am worrying that my children will have been affected by visiting their grandfathers house. He worked for a large company and as far as I'm aware showered at work before coming home as was a messy job but not sure if this was always the case and if he needed to bring work overalls home to be washed etc. I'm worried he would have bought fibres home with him and am worried about DH.

But more specifically I am also worried about my own children's health and am panicking that they would have been exposed by visiting his house. They are 7 and 5 so obviously born long after the job that FIL did finished. But is there a chance that any fibres brought home could still be in the house? On the furniture etc?

We also have some of his bits in our garage such as lawnmower and hedge strimmer. I believe these are made more recently than when FIL was exposed but again could they have traces of fibres left on them? They are next to DCs bikes and scooters etc.

An DH old toys that my DC have played with??

Basically having a massive panic about all this but can't really speak to DH as will upset him! Any advice welcome!

Everyone is exposed to asbestos firbres everyday. It’s unlikely that there would be substantially higher levels than background levels in your FILs house after all this time. If you are concerned about your DH and historical exposure you can suggest he can check for plural plaques. I wouldn’t worry about your children in this case.

Yes, my aunt. She used to come to ours straight from work, still in her work clothes.
However all of us are exposed to asbestos if your home was built before 2000. It was only banned in 99.
It's one of those things that you can't waste time worrying about I'm afraid.

Sorry to hear about your aunt @azulmariposa. What was her job? Such a horrible disease and it makes me so cross that people were working in conditions that meant they were exposed. For my FIL it was only 25 years ago! Ridiculous!

I think I'm worrying more so as he worked with blue asbestos which is the worst! He knocked off pipe lagging etc and I feel worried that largish chuncks would have been bought home that could still be found in the house or garage. I'm particularly worried about their garage as that would never have been hoovered etc! My kids have been in there!

Honestly there isn't anything you can do about it now anyway so worrying is entirely unproductive.

I'd think it would be incredibly unlikely that your husband and children would be affected, but I'm not sure how you would ever confirm this 100% so it's one of the many things in life we need to live with the uncertainty of.

I may be making assumptions but do you experience a lot of anxiety and 'what if?' worrying? Mindfulness and ACT and CBT can be helpful for this.

My aunt and grandad died of it but worked with it everyday of their working lives. I haven't heard of anyone having it where this hasn't been the case, just in my experience. I think like most things in life, we're all exposed to dangerous things in small numbers and it's fine, it's continuous excessive contact that gets you.

Thanks for the replies.

@Jiggles101 this has panicked me slightly with the what ifs yes! I think because you can't see the stuff I don't know if it's all over their home and read about the one fibre can kill you thing which panicked me further. I realise now this is not the case (or v unlikely!)

Also I'm less concerned about my DH as harsh as that sounds. If he's been exposed during those years as you say there's nothing that can be done. But I feel like I can do something with regards to my children and maybe stopping them from going around the house is wise? Or is that massively over the top?!

Do you not like your MIL? You seem rather desperate to not have your children in her space despite many reassurances that it will be fine. It’s oerfectly possible the children’s schools will contain asbestos, never mind trace fibres in a grandparents house. Do you hang any existing health anxiety by any chance?

Yes my FIL. He got it from working with it on building sites years ago. I know my MIL has had some concerns about her health as she would wash all his work clothes back then and when she was having some chest issues she was checked for any signs of it as a precaution but all fine. This sounds awful but it didn't occur to me to be concerned about DH, although I suppose he could have easily been in contact with it back in the day but as others have said, nothing we can do about it now. I really think you might be over thinking it to be concerned about things in a garage (which is probably made of asbestos anyway!)

Your FIL and mine died from being exposed to it day in and day out at work. Although there is the slightest possibility of a single fibre causing problems, there is probably more chance of getting run over or whatever. You really can't protect against every miniscule risk. And it really is a miniscule risk.

@Buombalayo well she worked somewhere where they used asbestos to fireproof products, although she wasn't directly involved in that. She was also working in a factory when building work was going on where asbestos was being removed with no protection. So it could've been either of those things.
The thing is we are all surrounded by asbestos. It's only a danger when it's damaged.
I wouldn't worry about fibres being on your father in laws belongings. You'd at least see the dust, and as he was probably exposed to it more that forty years ago it wouldn't be there now.

Yes, my uncle, through exposure at his work. My aunt and my cousin are unaffected, so I don’t think secondary transfer in their home is a significant risk. As others have said, there’s a small risk of background exposure for all of us, so unless there’s a significant quantity of asbestos in his home, it’s unlikely you’ll be affected.

Honestly, I think you are worrying needlessly. My great uncle died from mesothelioma when I was a teenager. His wife and three children did not suffer any side effects, not did his grandchildren who spent many hours at the house (before and after his death). My great aunt lived well into her seventies and died of a completely unrelated condition.
Myself and my DB also spent many hours there as children and teenagers and have no effects (we are in our forties now).

My uncle. Nobody else in the family suffered any ill effects whatsoever.

You sound a little unhinged about this, I mean that in a kinder way than it sounds. Have you considered some talking therapy or such like?

Thanks for the replies! I maybe unhinged yes! Your replies have reassured me though thank you. I love my MIL so I wouldn't want her to miss out on time with her grandchildren of course not. I just genuinely wondered if it would be safe for them.

I'm very sorry for everyone's losses

Please don't think too much into this, my boyfriend ended up in a mental hospital for fixating on asbestos.
The best thing to do if you're really super worried is ring up an asbestos removal company and ask for a chat with the experts.
Sorry for your loss x

Oh no @Stinkbaby that sounds horrible - how was he fixating on it? Hope he's ok now!

Can you send off samples for testing like you can for lead contamination?

I don't think its crazy to ask the question...my DH was worried (I thought in an insane way) about the paint flaking off in my MIL house when DD was a toddler. In the end she had it tested to prove he was being an idiot and it turned out it was absolutely jammed full of lead to the extent the builder wouldn't strip it and had to seal it in instead.

If DD had eaten some flakes, and they taste sweet, so that's not as crazy as it sounds, then she could easily have been made very ill.

But the answer is to get some dust tested then make an informed decision.

After all, your MIL and dH also don't deserve to be exposed more than they already have been if it DOES turn out their is a problem...and you can all rest easy if there is NO problem.

He changed the break discs on an old car then feared he bought it into the house. He did have a shower after and hung his clothes out to blow out? Then washed. A week later we had to bin the towels, his clothes he was wearing, had to hover the mattress outside
When that was ok for him he then thought there was asbestos in the loft (was polostyrene)
All went calm for a month or two and then he remembered years ago he ripped out old roof insulation in a campervan (which some did have asbestos in so fair enough) he did give it a good clean at the time and covered it up again. But as far as he was concerned everyone that had slept in it since were all going to die soon.
He went so so strange like he wasnt even there anymore, he couldn't live with the guilt and wanted to end his life. It was the worst time of all our lives and I was 3 months pregnant at the time to add to the stress. Yay. We got the van tested, it was negative and he came back to life
Still struggles with things. Got diagnosed with OCD and is on anti depressants.
If you really believe it to be a threat then just get someone to test it to save your sanity but please try not to obsess over it too much. Sorry for the long story x

Thanks for replying @Stinkbaby. That all sounds very stressful!

I think we could go through life testing everything couldn't we if we got into the habit of it (I certainly could anyway!) and as a pp said you just need to accept that you can't walk around life being certain of everything.

If I got dust samples tested from MILs house it would cause her unnecessary stress and a massive amount of tension between me and DH. And then what could be done about it? Condemn all her belongings?

The whole thing has just massively shaken me and hopefully I'll get over it soon as it's not fair on my poor DH who lost his father very very quickly and suddenly last year

Yes it is all very worrying. We have removed artex ceiling and guttering and pipework. The pipes were the worst as they had to break it to get it out - u bend etc. Like a pp said i do thinki went a bit crazy from the stress. It was because although we paid a proper company we could hear him hammering it and smashed it! In the house. Then he had to carry it out the house. But also it was over the ground outside. It was cleaned up but i was still very stressed.
But as op afamily member works in construction so that is worrying (for dp and also visiting their house.)
Children are apparently more easily affected so family member may live to a ripe age and the dc and gdc not.
I think some people's blasé attitude makesmemore anxious.
I did read where a dad came home and it was on his overalls and the kids died from it, still 50+ though

Yes, my uncle. He was exposed through his work. My dad (his twin brother) had the same exposure and didn't get it.

Exposure to asbestos is extremely common. Mesothelioma is very rare. The vast majority of people who are exposed to asbestos never get mesothelioma. The chances of your children being exposed to asbestos fibres is infintisimal, the chances of them developing mesothelioma even less likely.