Suicidal son

[BuildingBridges4]

I have an adult son who lives with us. He has suffered from severe depression for a long time now and has been out of work since he left Uni six years ago, apart from an 8 month part time job which he had to leave to relocate.
I am absolutely worn down with it and don't know what else I can do to help. GP has been useless. Lots of antidepressants, none worked. CBT, didn't work. I paid for counselling for a while which he found helpful up to a point but I can't afford to keep paying. The GP has referred him for in house counselling with a trainee once a month - that was useless too. He is in despair and i am at the end of my resources.
Has anyone else been in this situation? I feel so isolated and don't know what to do.

If he was diagnosed with ASD as a child then he will remain ASD as it is a life long neurodevelopmental condition. It may well link to why he finds some tasks more overwhelming and anxiety provoking. I would look into support for adults with a diagnosis of ASD close to you; if it’s impacting him as you say it’s also important to share the diagnosis with health professionals and social care if you go down that route- he may be entitled to more support depending on your area.
I don’t have any more practical advice really- it could be worth trying to find a psychologist who specialises in working with adults with ASD who may offer low rate therapy.
As I think you’re aware, anti depressant meds won’t have any impact unless he takes them regularly over a decent period of time (usually take 6 weeks or so to start kicking in).
Sorry if this is stuff you’ve already looked into, and good luck.

I can only imagine how exhausting this all is for you all. It's really unfair that there's a lack of support out there. Are there any charities locally for autism you could contact? Even for some signposting advice to other agencies?

What about getting an appointment with the Citizens Advice Bureau? They should have a welfare/benefits adviser that can listen and try to break all the issues down into separate points for action.

Also, the local council may have an employability team and group sessions running. Also, the Jobcentre often runs sessions with links directly with employers with vulnerable groups.

Could you go with him to the Jobcentre and see if someone there can help get him some support? In my area an organisation called Remploy work with adults with disabilities to help get them into employment, could you contact them to see if they're in your area?

I know everything must seem like a massive uphill struggle just now but I'd do a list of places and people to contact and keep a notebook of everything and any follow actions. You will get there.

There is support out there but it's just a knowing what to ask and getting the right person with the correct knowledge who can unlock a whole knew world of opportunity.

When you're in the doctors tomorrow check out the wall displays for leaflets and posters too, many GPS probably haven't a clue about the types of groups and support out there other than who they can refer to directly.

Best wishes

Is he not under a community mental health team?
It sounds like he needs consistent care and regular visits from a care coordinator at the moment. Part of this would be support to ensure he is taking the right meds at the right time. Maybe a depo injection could be explored as an option?

The GP should be able to refer for this type of support.

If you get really worried don't forget you can call 999 or visit A&E with him.

I hate how little support there is for you.

...and your son, of course.

As previous posters have said, an AS diagnosis is lifelong. Actually, when you described your son’s struggles, it crossed my mind to wonder about his being on the Autistic Spectrum (I have done a lot of work with people with Autism). Therapy could be very helpful IF you can find an Autism-aware therapist - they are out there. It sounds like your son is really finding so many ‘taken for granted’ things in life overwhelming. An updated diagnosis (as an adult) could help with some things (benefits and work) but it can be a challenge to get it. National Autism Society has a helpful website.

I have actually had advice on benefits and am seeing someone from a charity to support carers. When I tried to follow up the information on benefits I was given PIP (Personal independence payment) and a form of Universal Credit which isn't dependent on showing he is looking for work, I hit a brick wall. Apparently the information I was given was out of date for one and the other is dependent on a doctor's statement and my son filling out the form. I just gave up.
The trouble is, I have to do all the work and he just sticks his head in the sand. He is frightened by talk of assisted living (but there is nothing wrong with me), assessments, and interventions. He finds life scary and overwhelming.

I suppose I don't think of him as Autistic because the diagnosis, made when he was 2 was something obscure on the spectrum. He has not had any assessments since. He had a Statement of Needs at Primary school and support , which disappeared when he went to Secondary School. We have moved a lot, due to my husband's job which doesn't help.
I think I need to face up to the fact that the autistic traits have come out when he left school and couldn't cope and spiralled into depression. I should have acted a long time ago but didn't really know what to do. I have fought very hard for him through his childhood and tried to support him as an adult, but i have just had enough.
I am speaking to someone from the carer's charity tomorrow, so I will look into all this again.
The issue of finding an autistically aware therapist is one i have pursued in the past. I found someone who specialised in this but she was some distance away, and we have moved again! They seem to be few and far between.
We have spent years encouraging him to come for walks, do things with us. He has done this in the past, but finds it humiliating to be trailing along with us everywhere we go. Unfortunately he has fallen out with his sister who he was quite dependent on, and they now don't speak, so that's an additional pressure. He used to like coming with us if she was there.
I think I need to find a second wind and try to sort out a plan of action. Unfortunately it is becoming increasingly hard to get through to him these days and he sometimes resents my interference or attempts at what he considers to be 'controlling' behaviour. I recognise he is a grown man, but really he's a child in many way.

I meant to add that he did take the ADs for over 6 weeks on each occasion. He felt terrible on them and I noticed them seemed to make him worse.

I've pm'd you, OP.

If you're on Facebook join a group called Aspergers UK, other Autistic adults will be able to advise you xx

If all the ADs are making him feel worse I would suggest he needs a review by a psychiatrist. This could be achieved by getting referred into a community mental health team.

This a link to the project I mentioned in earlier post. Maybe there is something similar in your area?

www.lancswt.org.uk/myplace

Thank you. I am going to the doctor today so will try and raise all this with them. If they won’t listen Inwill write a letter. Also try and talk to my son about allowing me to speak to the doctor on his behalf.