Poor DD has broken up with her first love - what shall I say to her?

[AdiosAdipose]

She is 18 and they have been together for a year. Don't know the details yet as she is calling in a while once she is home.

I suddenly have a blank on anything useful to say to make her feel better!

She doesn't live with me but I plan on inviting her home for some pampering (she might say no - she likes space when she is upset usually)

My poor DD. I never really went through this - my first love was very abusive and it was a relief to end it to be honest.

I think I'd just follow her lead. If she wants space then give it to her but show her that your sympathetic and open to talk to her if she wants to. Put on the TV so there not an awkward silence maybe. Cup of tea and some biscuits as standard.

Try not to say too much 'if I were you' or 'when it happened to me' because personally I never find this helpful and it can sometimes come across as patronising. Try and ask open questions if she's open to talk about it. Listen to her and put your phone on silent (my mum is constantly on her bloody phone whenever I talk to her and I find it so rude).

Just by starting this thread I know that you're a really great mum.

Aw, just be there for her. I still remember my DM dropping everything when she came home from work to find me sobbing my heart out after my first breakup. I’ve never forgotten it. She just listened and hugged me.

Aw thank you MrBob

I am waiting for her to call still. I'll make sure she knows she's welcome here and just let her talk. She was due for the weekend anyway so I'll add biscuits and ice cream to the shopping list for a proper girly night.

Just listen, and try to avoid the 'there's plenty more fish in the sea' platitudes - she'll be feeling it keenly and minimising it is not helpful, particularly as at the time you think your world is ending

I've had this recently, it sucks but movies and ice cream helped.

Ah, apologies I thought she was coming over.

In that case yes just listen keenly and try not to 'fix it' too much like a PP said. Sometimes you just want a good moan and to let it all out without someone saying 'you'll find someone else' or 'you'll forget all about it soon enough'.

I read in a book once that people like to have their feelings reflected back to them. ie 'I can see that it really hurt and confused you when he didn't reply to your texts' or 'I understand why that made you feel angry' without the added 'but here's what to do' etc. That way the moaner, as it were, feels listened to and that their grievances are being respected.

Yea, I agree. Don't fix it. Let her vent. Buy chocolate and wine

As @MrBobLoblaw said reflect what she's saying. My mum is the number 1 person I call when I'm upset/frustrated about something and she mainly listens and legitimises how I'm feeling, 'e.g of course you're going to be upset when something like this happens' etc.
Breaking up with your first love is a huge thing and I won't forget how devastated I was at the time - for months!

Thank you so much for the advice everyone.

I will make sure I validate her feelings and not minimise them at all. That's useful about having things reflected back at her.

My mum said ‘I can’t say anything that will make you feel better right now but it does get better I promise.’ She was right.