New to this apron strings cutting...help

[ohhelpohnoitsa]

Ds1 is in Yr7. Has never been out alone or with pals, never asked, never even been mentioned. We dont really live in a place where he could just 'hang out' or nip to the park. A few weeks ago he mentioned some of his pals had asked if he can go to the park with them after school. We kind of left it that we'll sort something out when the nights are lighter etc. He wasnt fussed about going, just said its getting awkward with them keep asking. Tonight I was checking his phone (all agreed before he got his phone , not snooping in secret) and it seems the pals are notthe ones he mentioned, but two girls asking him on a double date with another boy. I need some advice from you lot who have been through this. For context 1. I dont think he will actually WANT to go (one of the messages was that he isnt interested in going out with anyone ao early in secondary), 2. He has kind of lied to me about who this afterschool outing is with, 3. I want ro play it right so he trusts me to tell me things. Advice please wise ones. 4. I want to say absolutely not, not going but realise this may not be the only response....

Firstly I've got girls so I am aware that they're different to boys at this age.

How far away is the park? Would he go after school? My DD is 14 now and has been going to the shopping centre and for ice skating with her friends since they were about 12-13. They tend to get dropped off or they will catch the train to the city together now they're all 14/15.

It's normal to let kids of 12-13 go out and about alone. If they've got a phone and you know where they are.

Well I need to broach all this tomorrow as I didnt know anything about a 'date' and I have never met any of the other kids.

He is still 11 and quite reserved, not shy but not over confident. He really is a homebody -does everyrhing with us nd his brothers, never even asked to go anywhere alone.

This is all new to me! I would have no problem dropping at the cinema or shopping centre and fetching him later but the girl is suggesting hanging around the village (really more of a very small town), cafe., park etc. I imagine he will be wholly uncomfortable and not want to go but how do I even approach it? And the fact the he hasnt been truthful about who it is with.

I have a 14 year old and an 11 year old. My 11 year old like yours, though a girl, is very young and innocent. I think on one hand, you're right to worry about him wandering around the village on a "date" because it's too young and it's just posturing on the part of all of the kids involved.

Also, no good can come of it...what are they planning? A quick snog? I remember having a kiss with a boy at 11 because I was pressured into it by my friends and it was gross!

On the other hand, it could just be his social circle opening up...and they may just hang out and talk.

The crux of it is that he didn't feel he could tell you about it properly.

If I were you, I'd tell him you'd seen the message. Add that it's fine for him to meet friends from school but you always need to know who he's with and where he's going.

Thanks Henny pretty much my thoughts. We have talked about it and surprisingly he does
kind of' want to go but didn't push it further. I will leave it now until he asks again....
It's no longer a double date as other kids are going I doubt he will ask and I might just plan an irresistable family outing for that day and let him go for an hour or so. Thank you for your advice.

Result! As expected he has just told me he doesnt actually want to go.....