*Trigger warning* How to explain to children that a baby has died

[daffodiltalk]

I’m going to stick to the facts as my emotions are not going to help as I’m a mess really.

A young (3 month old) baby in our close family has been kept in hospital since birth, very poorly.

His parents have been told to prepare for the worst. There’s nothing more they can do for him.

I have two small children (3 & 6 years old) who I need to explain this to. They looked forward to his birth, have visited him in hospital and love him.
They’ve always been told he’s poorly so I guess that’s a start.

How do I tell them? I think I should tell them after he’s actually died, rather than warning them, but I could be wrong about that??

Please help if you can.

You could tell them now that he has got even more ill. After he dies you could say he was very ill and sadly he died, his body wasn't able to recover. Please give some detail of his illness to them as my dc are lucky enough to think they're very ill when they have a cold. Reassure them that they will continue to get ill and get better. Are you religious?
So sorry for what your family is going through.

Sorry I can't link to it but the Barnado's website has a pdf with great information about this.

Here

So sorry to hear about the little boy. Honesty is absolutely the best way, be careful not to use words and phrases like "gone to sleep" or "lost him" as it confuses children. We tend to go with "the doctors and nurses tried all the ways to help X, but sometimes their body doesn't get better even though they've had lots of medicine etc and their body stops working properly and then they die" We've always been quite honest and open about death though with our children. There are some great books, one about a dragonfly that I will find a link to, and website like Winstons Wish have great support for children.

Look after yourself aswell, and beware that they may ask questions, they may just take it in their stride or may just go "ok" and the run off to play. Keep the dialogue open and tell them that they can come back and talk at any time.

Also here
childbereavementuk.org

They also have a pdf for young children

childbereavementuk.org/for-families/death-of-a-baby-or-child/baby-death-miscarriage-and-stillbirth/

Winstons Wish - www.winstonswish.org

The Dragonfly Story - The Dragonfly Story: Explaining the death of a loved one to children and families www.amazon.co.uk/dp/199999650X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_tIEMCb73A53ER?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Thank you all

Sorry to hear you are dealing with this. Having experienced a similar situation when my children where younger I can recommend two books, one is a story book and the other is an activity book that your oldest may or may not find helpful. I've never posted links before though so I'm just going to hope they work.

www.amazon.co.uk/Muddles-Puddles-Sunshine-Paperback-Activity/dp/1869890582/?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

www.amazon.co.uk/Always-Forever-Alan-Durant/dp/0552567655/?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Don't lead with a 'gone to heaven' approach if the parents won't have and vice versa.
Just be minimally factual and don't over tell the situation.