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Original poster

Sitting alongside a learner driver

29 replies

SeventhWave · 25/03/2019 20:04

I had no idea. No idea at all, that I would feel like a wrung-out wet lettuce afterwards and need a lie down in a darkened room

DS (19) has had a fair amount of lessons already, and we went for a short practice drive earlier today. I've never been in a car with a learner before. He was reasonably ok for a rookie I suppose, but OMG the feeling that I wasn't in control of anything...

Please tell me that I will get used to it, and that it will get easier!!

OP posts:

Lottapianos · 25/03/2019 20:08

No advice but lots of sympathy. I passed my test recently and poor DP has been an absolute nervous wreck when I've been driving. It obviously doesn't do my nerves any good either but I really feel for him. It must be horrible to have to just sit there while you have a wobbly learner driver in charge of the car!

FVFrog · 25/03/2019 20:13

I feel your pain! I am on my third (and thankfully last!) 17 year old DS learning to drive. I still grip the handle of the door very tightly and brake with my right foot in the footwell. I frequently get told off for gripping the handle tightly

titchy · 25/03/2019 20:13

It'll take about six months after they pass their test... sorry. Sheer hell isn't it?

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Driving & parking

Original poster

SeventhWave · 25/03/2019 20:15

DH has been out already, but apparently gets too tense and snappy, so I have been nominated as substitute.

I shall have to start chanting a silent mantra or something, "I must not show fear in the face of the oncoming traffic" - or something like that anyway.

Give me strength, and something to soothe my fevered brow!!

OP posts:

Bookworm4 · 25/03/2019 20:15

You can hire duel control cars, I've done it for DD, Arnold Clark.

Original poster

SeventhWave · 25/03/2019 20:25

A duel control car, eh? I don't know whether that would be better or worse!!!

Does it have two steering wheels?

OP posts:

Bookworm4 · 25/03/2019 20:28

No, but you have a brake 😁

Original poster

SeventhWave · 25/03/2019 20:45

OP posts:

Blobby10 · 25/03/2019 20:52

The thing is, they have to learn to drive and make their own decisions! I sat alongside all mine and found it really hard not to instruct as we went along! There were lots of “it may have been better to brake a bit earlier/indicate/ not pull out/treble check for cyclists “

Once they got more confident I started suggesting they drove more defensively which instructors can’t always do! Their instructor was happy for me to do that btw!

Original poster

SeventhWave · 25/03/2019 21:02

Fortunately there is a proper driving lesson with the instructor tomorrow, so I'm off the hook for a day or so at least, phew!

OP posts:

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 25/03/2019 21:35

I hated it. I called it the ‘white knuckle ride’ and hung on to the door handle the whole time (as if that would have done any good).

BackforGood · 25/03/2019 21:36

Are you me ?
No - I bottled it and only took mine out in my car after they had passed, but have frequently been told off for my tense grip n the grab handle.
I'm generally a completely relaxed passenger when others drive. I don't know if it is the fact that it was my car and odd seeing the road from the passenger seat or what, but I was very, very tense for the first year few times.

Original poster

SeventhWave · 25/03/2019 21:42

Thankfully, it isn't my car

OP posts:

Blobby10 · 26/03/2019 13:57

@SeventhWave would recommend you have a word with the instructor about taking the learner out yourself. The instructor mine used wanted to make sure he felt the learner would be safe (enough) in a car without dual controls. I think the words he used were "I want to make sure I've drummed the basics into him and please don't try to teach - you might have picked up bad habits that will take me forever to unteach"!!

Original poster

SeventhWave · 26/03/2019 14:03

Thanks, Blobby, the instructor already knows that DC has been going out practicing with DH for several weeks now.

OP posts:

TeenTimesTwo · 26/03/2019 15:35

DH taught DD1. It started driving him to drink until he consciously stopped. We had a dual control car too. (Not looked for, but happened to be on sale when we were looking for a car for learning with.)

HoozThatGirl · 26/03/2019 16:03

I did it for my two and it's sheer terror.
Two tips.
Firstly, practise easier stuff than lessons. So if he's conquered the basics with the instructor and is now driving in traffic, doing manoeuvres you stick to simple basic routes. Work about 3 weeks behind IYSWIM.

Secondly I recommend a dash camera. Brilliant for looking at footage afterwards and discussing whether he made the right decision or not. In fact after they passed their tests both DC would sometimes ask my opinion on something - did I do the right thing?

BringOnTheScience · 26/03/2019 16:11

First time is definitely a parenting landmark that no-one warns you about!

DC1 is dyspraxic & learning. It's a slow process. They've only genuinely frightened me twice so far. 👍

TopperfTroon · 26/03/2019 16:24

I feel your pain. I had NO IDEA how nerve wracking it would be. Partly I wasn’t used to seeing the verge/kerb from the passenger side and it just seemed far too close, and partly it’s just absolutely exhausting having to concentrate so hard.

I second the advice to practise easier routes and manoeuvres than the instructor until you can cope.

The good news is it does get better. After a few weeks I realised I could actually turn my head to look at something else apart from the immediate road in front and I wasn’t nearly so shattered when I got home. So just keep going. But not too fast!

Original poster

SeventhWave · 26/03/2019 17:43

Thanks for all the tips, much appreciated.

It will be just pootling around locally for 10 minutes on well-known roads and doing a few 3-point turns at the moment, the instructor is rather more adventurous, lol

OP posts:

Blobby10 · 28/03/2019 11:39

Just remembered something I was told - its against the law to be on your phone and/or drunk or incapable of driving whilst you are supervising a learner driver. Put paid to exDH idea of driving to the pub and getting kids to drive home after he's had too many

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe · 28/03/2019 12:21

I'm with you all. SOOOOO slow to react to things. Takes bloody AGES to pull away.

Also, I'm the only driver (currently), so I'm never in the passenger seat. I find it VERY hard to be so close to the parked cars.

so, so difficult not to react; to keep calm. To try not to make it a miserable experience for both of us! I keep lying and telling her she's doing brilliantly.
She isn't doing brilliantly!

Original poster

SeventhWave · 07/06/2019 13:53

Passed first time, yay!!

OP posts:

Frith2013 · 07/06/2019 16:04

My 18 year old is ok, though I had to get very cross the second time I took him out...

He’ll need 2-3 professional lessons before he takes his test, I think.

eurochick · 07/06/2019 16:32

Excellent! Although I have to say sitting next to a new driver can also be ... an experience. My husband passed earlier this year and drives with him at the wheel leave me more worn out than when I am driving myself. I'm hyper alert for everything. It doesn't help that our car is about twice as wide as the tiny one he learned in and he keeps putting the passenger side into hedges

I'm trying not to back seat drive but it's hard to shut up sometimes.

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