Please help, hate my job

[donthavetobestupidtoworkhere]

Will try to give details without being too outing but basically I hate my job but feel I would be stupid to leave it.

The people I work with and the organisational culture are an utter shitshow. I am the only person with any semblance of respect for deadlines and with any ability to plan for anything (e.g. board meetings). We are a charity and no one makes decisions. Our Chair is inaccessible most of the time and we don't have a Chief Executive, we have another person who is in charge but cannot make any decisions. Every meeting we have it's "let's leave this and revisit at the next meeting".

If this were any other job I'd have walked but the kicker is the flexibility. I am entirely home based. My DD (3) is in nursery where she is thriving but it makes the drop offs and pick ups so much less stressful, if she is ill I am able to have her at home with me and make up the hours later in the week/evenings etc and no one minds. I can be here for deliveries, I can keep on top of the laundry, if I am not feeling well myself I don't really have to take time off sick as I don't have to commute. I have terrible anxiety and the thought of having to commute in rush hour every day again (I live in London) is awful.

DH earns a good salary, we could live on one wage (especially if DD was pulled out of nursery/only did her free 15 hours) but I don't really want to stop working and also I feel it would be very selfish of me as even without nursery fees our monthly income would drop by about a grand. We want to move to a house soon (living in a flat) and if only one of us is working it will limit what mortgage we can get.

I feel sick with dread every sunday evening and paralysed by indecision. I would really appreciate any thoughts or advice.

bump

Sorry to hear your job is so rubbish. I've never worked for a charity but have friends who work for various small local charities that are essentially rich people's hobbies and have heard many similar frustrations about the wasting of time/money and the lack of any decision making! And to be fair that is not exclusively a problem with charities either, I work in public sector and if I attend one more meeting this month where the sole outcome is that we decide we will hold another meeting I think I might scream!

As to what you should do, if it was me from what you say I wouldn't quit right away. Yes the job is really frustrating you but so would sitting at home unemployed. I would try and withdraw a bit mentally from the job, do what you need to do to keep things going of course but don't put any extra effort in - I may be wrong but is the Sunday evening feeling of dread linked to guilt/obligation that the charity isn't doing what it should and your feeling of being powerless to change it? If so I would try and turn that powerlessness into more of a positive - it is not on you to try and turn this charity around, it's not your fault that things aren't changing, you can only do what you can do? Try and use that resilience mantra about only worrying about the things you have some control over, and letting everything else run along it's course? Or is it more the FOMA on a really productive and fulfilling career? If it's that, for what it's worth I think nearly everyone goes through periods where they hate their job and feel really unproductive in it/unsure of the future, even people who are in 'dream' vocational type careers. The key is trying to decide ideally what you'd like your job to be and making a plan to get there, perhaps retraining or a complete change in direction? Or a similar role but in a better organisation or even working for yourself? Or perhaps actually your priority now is your family and DD, and work is just what pays the bills with minimal impact on the rest of your life, more people than would admit it feel that way I think? In which case your job now is actually really not too bad.

I would be trying to enjoy the side benefits of the work and the flexibility for now, particularly while your DD is so little, and save your brain power and energy for looking for something new in due course. Yes it might take a while to find something else which is local, fulfilling and gives you the flexibility you need, but you do have that luxury of time and can really look around you at what's available and can afford to wait for the right opportunity. Your DD will be growing up and more independent soon enough so you may find you are able in time to look at something which is a bit less flexible? Also I would be looking to what your DH can do to help, does it absolutely have to be you that is in the 100% flexible job to cover all sick days etc., or can he look towards making changes in his work that allow him to do more drop offs and pick ups, household tasks etc?

Anyway sorry for that ramble but hopefully there's something in there which helps?

I would take a back seat in terms of stressing about work and carrying the mental load of deadlines etc. Just do your bit and let them get on with it. Don't bother getting frustrated.