I’m suffering from extreme stress and have just made a go appointment for this morning.

[SilkClayFlowers]

I’ve never seen a doctor for anything mental health related but my stress levels are making lose control.

It’s situational: I have a ds 5 with ASD who will never leave my side which often results in him waking my baby. My dh works unbelievably long hours and needs to sleep when he’s off work. He works 4/5 days away each week for evenings are a trial.

Last night and this morning I feel like things have worsened and I’m so angry I want to wreck the house and scream and hurt myself. Of course I can’t do this as if I’m anything but sunny and positive it has a massively detrimental effect on my older ds and obviously wouldn’t be good for the baby either!

It all came to a head this morning trying to get him to go to school and baby ds is unputdownable. I had to get dh up to do the school run and went alone to the garden to call the gp.

Realistically what can they do? I’m not depressed but I feel like a bomb is going to go off in my head. I’f they recommend mindfulness or aromatherapy im going to implode. It’s so much bigger than that and I’m so angry at the moment. I just want to scream and wreck the house.

Just seen the title a G.P appointment.

You NEED to let off steam and the onus is on your bloke to take the reins so you can do that. Obviously his job isn't compatible with his family life. maybe it's time to have a chat about working life.

Can he stick a holiday in for a couple of weeks for the minute so you get some downtime?

Him working in this role is the only way we can do family life at the moment. I used to be the higher earner but since maternity leave the positive effect on older ds (on his ASD and related school performance) seen by me not working resulted in me finding myself a SAHM for the first time.

The GP may offer medication which may help, but TBH in the longer term I think your DH needs to get a job that doesn't take him away from home, both you and your DCs need him to be around more.

But it's not working though is it? At some point we'll hear you splatter off the walls.

If working can't change then something else needs to be put in place. A nursery for a couple of days a week for the baby so you can get time to yourself? There has to be something as doing it all alone is too much of a load.

Long sustained stress is really bad for the body, you'll end up physically poorly if you don't get a chance to let off steam and find a way to manage your stress in a healthy way.

I know it's hard to hear but you can't put your older DS ahead of everyone else all the time, he may be better but you and your baby will suffer. The longterm effects of stress will not be hidden, at some point, you may no longer be able to cope and I know you don't what that.

Your GP may prescribe antidepressants or something like beta blockers to calm the physical effects of stress. Do you need to be referred for MH services in your area or can you self refer?

Sit down with your husband and be honest about how things are for you, something needs to change and you need to do it together. Good luck.

Do you have any help with your ds other than your dh?
Dh and I managed fine, then we lost him and I was on my own. My older ds was 6 at the time, he has asd with associated learning difficulties.
I got in touch with a local charity who offered respite - they gave me three hours a week, and one full weekend day a month where someone came and looked after ds, the difference it made was tremendous.
Most of the volunteers were people who worked with children with additional needs anyway, or health professionals - the person who ended up looking after ds because they got on so well was a dental nurse. The charity understood it needed to always be the same person for us.
I used to go to the cinema with a friend, or out for tea, or just to a mates for a coffee and a blether. On the weekend day I could take his little brother and go to the park, or swimming, or something and spend a bit of time with him on his own (he was 3).
I have more formal stuff in place now, and he’s a lot older, but that charity was so helpful in the first couple of years.
It might be worth seeing if there’s anything like that in your area - I get that it might not be so easy for your dh to change jobs, so perhaps trying to find something else would help a little?

What medication may the g.p offer?I’m a bit wary of taking anti depressants when I’m clearly not depressed.

Dh loves his job so,won’t change it but we did discuss a reduction in hours last week.

Right now feels amazing. He’s still on the school run (and took the baby) and I’ve had a shower all by myself and ... ah they’re back!

Morning SilkClayFlowers I hope you don't mind me saying this but you do sound depressed and completely overwhelmed with how things are for you at the moment. Do you have a health visitor? Sounds like you do a sterling job balancing the needs of your DC and DH but there's nothing left for you and you're running on empty and the stress of that has reached the point where you can not longer carry on with things the way they are. Seeing your GP is a great starting point, will you need to go on your own or is there someone who can be with you? It's time for you to get some support- nobody could carry on with the stresses you currently have and be unaffected. Your health visitor might have information on support workers or specialised clubs for your DS, my grown up DD has ASD, when my other 2 were babies I had some support from a homestart volunteer who was a lovely older lady who came for a couple of hours every week to take some pressure off which was amazing. I'm not sure if that exists any more but there might be something similar.
The point I'm making is that you need to stop the bus and take stock of what your needs are right now, is your DS going to school yet? If so, are you spending all your time at home trying to keep it pristine and not getting out to develop a network of support?

He might love his job but if it comes at the cost of your mental health is that alright? No.

You've made sacrifices for the family and he may have to too.

In the short term, antidepressants are for many things and can be very good for that sense of being overwhelmed by life. My DH works silly hours and I take them as I find they help me manage feeling stressed and overwhelmed with a lot of solo parenting.

In the long term you need to look at strategies to manage family life - some more time for yourself, nursery for the baby, etc

SilkClayFlowers Don't diagnose yourself but see if you can find an online GAD score to do, it's not everything but mental health services commonly use it to see how you are feeling or check progress. And a GP won't make you take an anti-depressant, many will want to see you for a review before they prescribed anything. Good luck, you sound like such a caring Mum.

www.home-start.org.uk/

Try finding a Home Start branch in your area - they can be very supportive of people in exactly your situation. I was involved in setting up one branch; and I know it proved to be invaluable to many.

Seriously you could have a heart attack or a stroke with that much stress then your husband would have to stop work to see to the kids. GP first and take any help offered and then time to get help. My ASD son is 17 now and didnt want me to leave for work today as its the one day he has to be alone in the house till afternoon and it makes him anxious but I have to. There is only so much you can do to prevent anxiety and meltdowns in ASD kids and if you are not careful your world can become so small and controlled they cant cope with anything and need you by their side to cope itbisnt sustainable. Ask for help with this do you have intervention for his ASD you could ask to work with an expert on strategies to help his seperation anxiety. Believe me I have been there, who am I kidding I am still there but these early years are so tough. Good Luck.

Dh loves his job so,won’t change it but we did discuss a reduction in hours last week.

Realistically, he might not have a choice. The GP won't be able to prescribe anything that changes your home life. Antidepressants might take the edge off, but they might also make everything feel quite grey and difficult, that's what they do to me. For situational stress, they will just numb you a bit.

It's going to be lifestyle changes that make a bigger difference. Paid help, if DH really won't be around, nursery for the baby. You may be able to get referred to get childcare help younger. Does your 5yo get any support? Is he at school?

This sounds very hard, I hope there is a breakthrough soon

Hey OP, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I have a very clingy 4yo with ASD and a baby. We've all been ill this weekend and it's been incredibly tough.

You definitely did the right thing by arranging that appointment.

You might be depressed without realising it. I was.

Similar to you, husband works long hours, son is ASD, I'm theflue that desperately tries to hold things together.

I went to the Gp about anxiety and I was given ADs and started talking therapy. I now realise I've been depressed for a long time. It's quite common amongst ASD parents.

Throw money at the problem. Get a nanny/au pair/mothers help to see to the baby.

What things can your ds cope with attending? Anything? Swimming, karate are the really obvious ones for children with asd if you can find a good class. What about specialist autism help ? Day centres, respite?

Are you planning on going back to work?

With respect, @LaurieFairyCake - you can't just 'throw money' at parenting a disabled child. Respite care for parents is pretty much non existent. There are very few, if any, groups or clubs that cater for ASD kids.

OP as somebody in the same boat as you I can only tell you what I did, which is to get myself assessed by a psychiatrist, medicated and referred for talking therapy. I also have a Home Start volunteer who visits once a week. My DC starts school in the autumn, we are just doing their EHCP to get them in a specialist provision. Once they start in Sept I will be putting the 14 month old in a local nursery for two morning sessions a week.

So life is hard now but I just have to hang on a bit longer and it should get a bit easier.

The biggest change in my life is being in a What's App chat group with a bunch of ASD mums in my area. We keep the chat going all day (and all night!) and meet up with the kids when we can.

Thank you all for the advice. I had a successful appointment and have been prescribed citalpram but the gp was concerned for my acute state and also prescribed a short course of diazepam!

Looking to long term solutions I have a scheduled home visit from an autism and adhd charity next month so I’ll use her to access some more tailored support and hopefully link up with a local support group.

Thank you to everyone posting support who has a child with ASD as well. It’s a parenting journey all of its own!

If you can find the time I found the Calm app really useful for calming me down when I felt painfully anxious. I also listened to Susan Calman's 'Cheer up Love', as an audiobook and when I feel very low re-listen to the last few chapters where she talks about what helps.

V jel of your diazepam!

Well done on reaching out for help.

Have you looked into any local ASD support groups? We have a couple close by. They are a mixture of social groups for the parents/carers, and activities that are for the family. Also, our local Carers centre runs a family activity programme throughout the year. Dependent on the level of voluntary support in your area, you might also have an active National Autistic Society group that you can get involved with.

Peer support is so important when you have children with SN. These groups can be life saving.

Yes jamon I am aware of support in my area only (as I've been a respite Carer for children with asd)