DD moody and rude (7)

[Janella]

Anyone else been through this and have advice please?

DD is 7, will be 8 in the summer and is in year 3 - at a junior school so is now one of the youngest in the school.

She has always been on the shy side but since year 3 started I've seen a shift in her mood. Mostly she is pleasant and a bit daft but more often lately she is whiney, moody and rude. When in a mood she will only communicate by shaking her head/nodding and won't make eye contact. This isn't reserved for just me and I find it embarrassing when she does it to her friends' mums. They must think she's so rude.

By contrast my DS is consistently pleasant, bright, talkative. He's reliably chatty and no moods (he's 6). E.g. If a neighbour walks past in the street and says hi, I can rely on DS to grin and say hi; DD will often look away and then I end up over compensating and saying she's shy when really they have just caught her in a 'mood'.

She will also have outbursts and is extremely sensitive. Brushing her hair is traumatic most days, if I mix her food together it's the end of the world. She's really fussy about food eg brands of yoghurt and would rather go without than eat something slightly less nice. I had to buy multiple brands of school socks as the seams were uncomfortable and it made mornings a nightmare (this was in reception/year 1). Any loud noise startles her and she'll cry or be really pee'd off (like someone sneezing near her).

I treat her so carefully as any little thing could put her in a mood and then we don't get out of the door in time for school.

Recently she was in a fab mood, really chatty and engaging with my friend. Afterwards, my friend said she'd never seen DD so chatty, she'd always wondered if there was something wrong with her. This comment really upset me b/c if a friend who sees her often - albeit one with no tact - thinks that, what must others think.

Although I said I'm embarrassed by her at times, really I want to support her. I'm looking for ways to help build her resilience and pro-social behaviours... can anyone help?

My DS has just turned 8 and is going through a similarly sulky & rude phase at the moment which I find really hard to deal with. I hate the rude ignoring of people and when he turns his head and refuses to engage with me.

I'm hoping it is just a phase and he'll grow out of it quickly!

No issues here on specific brands/ types though thankfully!

I absolutely hate it when ordinary child behaviour has posters leaping to diagnose a MH problem. But this time it genuinely does sound like possible autism.

This is more than the lack of communication; the failure to make eye contact and the sensory issues as well all suggest that it's a possibility

Have a look at the Autism Society's website and see if their descriptions sound like your DD.

Pandering to this won't make it any better at all.
What consequences does she have? Early nights always saw positive results with my dd.

saying she's shy

Why would you say this? When she’s not? You would say she’s ugly would you? If you say it often enough she’ll believe it!!

Your post is very much about you I’m afraid to say. She’s young. She’s learning. She’s probably going through a growth spurt and is tired and emotional. She’s not a performing monkey.

Thanks all. I've wondered about autism but again unsure if I'm leaping to conclusions. I will read up a bit more.

And no, she isn't a performing monkey, she's allowed to not respond of course. But... it's my job to teach her to have manners. My DS seems to be fine with this so I don't think it's something I've done/not done. I emphasise again that I want to support her. My feelings are secondary (if that!) I hate the thought of her being excluding from social things as she gets older cos other kids think she rude/moody.

I've talked to her about eye contact, not to embarrass her on the spot, but afterwards. I keep having to remind her as it doesn't come naturally.

Some of her behaviours sound like my dd, who is on the spectrum: not making eye contact, grunting, disliking certain foods/feel of clothes , startled by loud noises. She has sensory issues at the least. What is she like at school?

I'd agree with the sensory issues.

At school she is average or above average in all areas, quiet and compliant. There are kids who are struggling or have behaviour problems so my DD doesn't stand out IYSWIM and the teachers have never raised any concerns. She has two close friends that's she's had since age 4 and seems happy enough with socialising with other kids at school. DD finds routine comforting and struggled each time with moving up a year and not knowing the rules - a lot of kids feel that way though.

She doesn't especially like trying new things unless they are art related as that's her thing.

Girls with autism are particularly good at 'masking' - in some situations dampening their true response to fit in or at least make sure they don't draw attention to themselves. That could be what your DD is doing at school.

Routine is important those with autism too.

If she's in a mood don't tell people she shy, just say "she's in a bit of a mood today". Honestly it could just be hormones issues like that aren't unusual for 8 year olds these days.