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Original poster

What would you do about DDs Friend?

27 replies

SeaViewBliss · 23/03/2019 21:23

DD is 21 and lives about half an hour away. She was coming home today to go to a friend’s Birthday and staying until Monday.

She called earlier and said she had just realised there were engineering works and no trains going out of her city or the nearest town so wouldn’t be coming. I thought it was a shame it miss the party so I offered to go and get her. She was super grateful and has given me petrol money. She had a male friend with her so I dropped them both in our town.

She text a while ago to say male friend had realised he can’t get home due to no trains! There is a night bus but it takes about 2 hours as it stops a lot. I would have been happy for him to stay at ours but DH doesn’t want him to. DH is quite a private person plus we don’t have a spare room and our house is a bit of a tip due to decorating. DD now feels awkward as she has crashed at this friends house a few times after nights out. Although she is respectful of DHs concerns. She’s not being stroppy.

DH is of the attitude that he’s a grown up so should figure out how to get home. I have offered to take him home. After midnight the roads will be empty so it will only be 20ish minutes each way. DH is annoyed that I have offered.

My take is, if it was DD, I would like to think someone would help her if they could. I have had a chilled day and no plans tomorrow so it’s not a huge deal.

Am I a mug?

OP posts:
Bookworm4 · 23/03/2019 21:25

I would just give him a lift, think DH is overreacting and it's not his decision to say who you can give a lift to.

Villanellesproudmum · 23/03/2019 21:26

I’d do the same. Better to be safe.

Goldmandra · 23/03/2019 21:27

TBH I'd probably let the friend go home on the night bus. Two hours isn't that long or that awful (unless there's something I don't know about night buses).

Chocolateisfab · 23/03/2019 21:29

Imo too many young adults not making it home of late.
Being the taxi is a nice thing to do op.. Shame your dh isn't as nice....

BigFatGiant · 23/03/2019 21:31

I think it’s the least you can do if your house is no longer treated as your DDs home. At any rate it’s none of your DHs business how you choose to spend your time.

TrendyNorthLondonTeen · 23/03/2019 21:32

I wonder how he'd feel if it were his child in that position?

Starlight456 · 23/03/2019 21:33

Yes I would .

Leeds2 · 23/03/2019 21:33

I would probably take him home.

But I would've expected him to take the night bus without involving you in this at all.

Motherofcreek · 23/03/2019 21:34

Yeah he would be grateful if it was the other way round and it was dd stranded

Still18atheart · 23/03/2019 21:35

I’d be taxi for the evening or can you make a make shift bed on dd bedroom floor or on the sofa or something. Where I come from half hour drive is nothing and public transport for a half hour type distance is none existent so at the age of 21 bedroom floors or being a taxi was very much the done thing

chipsandgin · 23/03/2019 21:37

It’s your home & your child’s home too - I can’t imagine having a house where people aren’t welcome! Absolutely give him a lift & apologise for your DH being weird too. Your poor daughter!

formerbabe · 23/03/2019 21:37

I'd have let him stay or dropped him home. I don't think either is a big deal.

Chocolate35 · 23/03/2019 21:38

Yes, take him home. I could imagine my husband being pig-headed on something like this but for the sake of a 20 minute drive, take him. I’m a bit of a night bus snob (I think I’ve used them twice and I’m nearly 40) so 2 hours on a night bus sounds pretty grim to me.

chipsandgin · 23/03/2019 21:38

Oh & not a mug either, just a nice, kind normal person!

Original poster
SeaViewBliss · 23/03/2019 21:42

DH understands where I am coming from and has just apologised for getting annoyed about me giving him a lift.

To be fair, this is still very much DDs home and it wouldn’t have made any difference if she was living here all the time, DH still wouldn’t have been keen to have him stay. I don’t agree but it’s his house too and he shouldn’t be forced to have a visitor he isn’t comfortable with.

DH grew up in a spotless,nothing out of place home where as I am more chilled about the house. For example, DH thinks it’s the height of bad manners to have the clothes airer out if anyone is coming over, even close friends or family whereas I am not bothered.

I’m picking them up at 1 and DD and I are going to the 24 hourly Asda after we drop Friend off, she’s buying me chocolate!

Thanks for your responses.

OP posts:
CarolDanvers · 23/03/2019 21:50

Your husband sounds like Very Hard Work.

Original poster
SeaViewBliss · 23/03/2019 21:57

I appreciate I may have given that impression Carol. He’s really not.

OP posts:
Palominoo · 23/03/2019 22:03

Give him a lift. I used to do this several times a week for my daughters boyfriend.

Isn't it the normal thing to do?

Original poster
SeaViewBliss · 24/03/2019 01:36

Everyone is safely home. DD is very funny drunk Grin

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 24/03/2019 01:41

You did the right thing. I'd have done the same.

Jengnr · 24/03/2019 04:56

I’d have let him stay. And no way would I have accepted petrol money off my daughter for picking her up.

floribunda18 · 24/03/2019 05:01

I would drop him off also. Well done, OP. DH WBU.

LadyB49 · 24/03/2019 05:15

I'd have let the pair of them crash in the house regardless of what it looked like. Sleep on sofa.

Having said thaf, a half hour each way is nothing if you are willing, as you were.
20 years ago I used to get a phone call in the early hours when I was in bed, asking if I'd pick up dd who was half an hour away. I didn't think twice about it. And this was in NI at the time of burning buses and illegal road blocks.
Different situation I know but .. It's what we do.....I

Very glad you saw them ok and sorted.

blueskiesovertheforest · 24/03/2019 05:29

Although as a parent I'd certainly let the friend stay (with DD choosing whether on her floor or in the living room), as a 21 year old I'd never have asked for a lift from a friend's mum at 1am! I'm quite surprised that a 21 year old man would have his friend ask her parents to drive him home rather than take a night bus. It does sound more like the behaviour of a15 year old than a 21 year old...

Still, you didn't mind and your DD was very polite about it etc. Was the friend also polite, thankful and embarrassed about being mildly incompetent?

CanuckBC · 24/03/2019 05:38

I would let him stay or give him a did. Yes it’s your DH’s home but it’s also yours and your daughters. Your DH’s standards are over he top in all honesty. How often was your daughter allowed to have friends over? Sounds like my mom a bit and we almost never did as the house was never good enough😔

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