I need some help - am I loosing it?

[checkedcloth]

Dear MN’ers - I need some help.

I’ve been a nurse for 25 years, I’m in a very senior nursing position that’s very busy and operational, responsibility for multiple large areas - one being a&e.

I’m so stressed at work, im doing a 60 hour week consistently and the to do list and the demands are never ending. It’s been going on for a few years but it’s got worse over the last 6 months and I’m not coping.

I cannot switch off at all, I have to checked my emails constantly when I’m supposed to be off as I can’t keep on top of the 200 a day.

I feel like crying all the time. I’m horrible to my children (9 and 7). I have a heavy feeling in my chest and I can’t breath at times. I have broken down crying in front of my children lots.

I don’t sleep beyond 3 am most nights and am tired all the time.

The children have brought homework home that needs some craft supplies to make happen. It’s the tipping point for me. I can’t cope with another thing to do. It’s so so fragile.

I’ve spoken to my boss - and not got anywhere, at my level there is an expectation of managing all of this yourself.

I need to stay in my current role as I’m undertaking an amazing course that will hopefully open doors to a new opportunity in 18 months or so.

But I feel like I can’t carry on like this. I feel like I’m at breaking point.

Is a weekend away an option?
Sounds like you need a break!

Not really, the kids have got various activities and my DH is the coach of DS’s football team which is pretty all consuming and takes up our weekends.

I’m worried about my reaction when things crop up. It feels overwhelming and I can’t think straight

You need a break. You need time to decompress. You need to go to your GP. If you were to be signed off sick would it impact your course? I think a short period off now will be better than ploughing on & possibly needing months off or having to quit.

I think one way or another you need to step away from the situation to give yourself chance to think clearly, whether that is by taking some time off sick, or booking a few days leave. Hopefully that will give you chance to work out what has caused things to tip over from you coping to not coping. Once you have done that hopefully you can address the problem with your line managers and get something done about it. You clearly can't carry on as you are.

That sounds really hard OP I'm not sure I could cope with all that either.

CBT can help for stress management, I really recommend it. They can help you with strategies to manage the anxious thoughts, rumination, insomnia and how to establish some boundaries where possible.