Childcare when single

[HowtoDoIt]

Please don't flame me for asking what seem like a stupid question but here goes:

If you are single and work long hours, who looks after your 10/12 year old children before/after school when you have them? If your work has a long commute so you are out of the house 8am-7pm? School is walking distance - but it is way too long for them to be on their own.

How do you do it?

Not had to work it out before (very recently split and OH was SAH parent so childcare never even crossed our radar).

Childminder seems OTT. After school clubs only cover til 5ish. WTAF do I do? Especially as my salary is the only one so I will be paying for 2 households... although OH is talking of finding a job.

Help!

Can OH not look after them since he is out of work atm? My friend's mum used to look after me and my sister for a few hours after school. My mum would give us super noodles to take and give her some money each week as a thank you (far cheaper than paying a childminder) may be an option if there's a SAHM mum who would be open to helping?

My 12 year old sorts himself out, has a key etc. He gets home around 4, buys himself a snack on the way home and then plays Fortnite.

My 10 year really wants the same freedom but I am probably going to wait a bit longer.

He goes to after school club so I have to be there by 5.30. If it's after that I arrange with other mums (and reciprocate in school hols or when working from home)

Generally though I organise my working day around the fact I do pick up at 5.30.

A few children at my DCs' primary school go to after school club and then walk home. They also have a few who make their own way from a nearby secondary. Could that work? Then they are home alone for less time.

Somewhere along the way, OH has got to pull his weight. If he's not working he should do the childcare. And WHY are you providing for his living costs? That's outrageous!

After school club then walk home seems obvious in your situation.

Not single but we both work and our problem is that we live miles from any school, but our 11 and 13 year olds come home by bus and are alone together for up to 4 hours twice per week. 7 year old goes to after school club til it shuts and I pay my next door neighbor to pick him up.

I had an au pair growing up to cover exactly this situation. She also cooked dinner. Helped that we were close to London in a multicultural town with a language school I think.

Once they reach secondary, there is an expectation to fend for themselves as there is no wrap around care. In primary school, I use after school club, but it finishes at 5:15 so I either have to come home early on the days I have them or in an emergency, get my 15year old to pick her up and bring her home.

Most parents have to be creative, there is no right answer.

OH is abusive alcoholic so trying not to rely on them in anyway. Also not sure if they will stick around to be honest.

Oldest has Aspergers. Life for both DCs has been somewhat tumultous over the last few years so am trying to plan for as much stability as possible. And planning for the extremes (ie OH buggering off).

Am so glad to be out of it. But I need to look after DCs - they are my main priority.

Just wish I had left earlier.

Are you married to "OH" or not? Why "they", is it a man or woman? (Not that it matters, just easier to know which pronoun to use.)

If you're not married, you have no responsibility to support him* financially after separation. If the children are living mostly with you, he'll have to pay you child maintenance if and when he gets a job.

*I've assumed it's a man (statistically there are more male abusive alcoholics than female ones).

To answer your question, I would use paid childcare of some description. Combination of after school club, au pair, childminder or informal arrangement with family/friend.

I had hours from when DD was six (and I returned to the UK) such that I only needed childcare in the mornings. I then commuted to London and was home by 5.30pm when after school club finished. Her father is overseas and has never been involved in any way. From secondary school, she would get the bus home, do her homework and make herself food until I came home.

Yep, married. We rent do not own. I have left the family home as OH will not and have been main caregiver.

I have sorted a 2 bed house (another rental). An au pair sounds perfect - apart from the fact I do not have enough bedrooms.

Arghhh.

Sorry - they have been the main caregiver (up til now...heavens knows what OH will do now I have left to be honest).

Btw, if you use 'approved childcare' such as after-school clubs or a childminder, you can get help with the cost via Tax Free Childcare or Universal Credit (if eligible).

Will a childminder look after 10/12 yos? will my 12yo stand going to a childminder

Have you got any advice from Women's Aid, Shelter or Citizens Advice about the housing situation? Is the tenancy is joint names or just one name?

Regarding finances you should get legal advice, you could start with the Rights of Women free family law helpline.

Are you near any universities/colleges. As you don't have a spare room maybe pay a student to do au pair type stuff until you're home. Should be able to DBS check, could even pay extra for tutoring!