Do you have a ‘cryptic texter’ in your life?

[Skittlesandbeer]

I’ve just had a text from my mum.
It reads ‘Raincoat(s). I’ll bring the turkey’

If it were from anyone else I’d think it was not meant for me, or possibly I’d suspect dementia.

But she’s got form for cryptic texts. It’s like she thinks that sending a text is an invitation to use a portal into her brain, where I will see all the context laid out in logical order. Since that’s not how text works, I’ve made a cup of tea and sat puzzling over it.

My best guess is ‘Hi darling, if you want to send DGD around for a visit today, send both her rain jacket and the longer coat cos I’ve got a walk in mind. When I drop her back later today I’ll bring some meat that I got for you when I went to that market you like at my end of town. Kiss kiss, Mum.’

Do you have someone who does this?

And before you say ‘ffs just call the woman to clarify’ I need to add that she’s not much better over the phone or in person. It might get more cryptic rather than less. It may involve dog fur, the concept of the Gregorian calendar and/or heirloom radishes. She’s just wired differently.

I'm afraid I am the cryptic texter according to OH and DS.

It's a combination of knowing in my head what I mean, tiny keyboard meets fat fingers and predictive text

DM frequently muddled up me and DSis on text. So I'll get a random "Wednesday would work and I'll bring ice cream" while DSis is wondering "when on earth is mum coming?".

Yes my son. I get one or a combination of the following-
K
8pm?
@ fb

No please, hello, thanks etc

Hmm.
Artichoke.

We had to turn predictive text off on mum’s phone. Deciphering her went from bewildering to impossible with it on. We also banned her from the other languages keyboards (even though we’re a multilingual family). It’s hard enough in one!

OMG yes! My DM. Full of missing words / wrong words and it’ll be something like:

Saw dawn s mum, had hair done. Went to that pub..burger was good your dad complained, got the cheesecake

Which translates as

hiya pet, at the hairdressers I bumped in your old school friend Dawn and her mum, lovely lady. We all ended up in Wetherspoons for a burger and wine! it was lovely. Service not great but your dad complained about it and we each had a free pudding, my cheesecake was immense x

One from DB on Tuesday, "Tomorrow. Honest!" which means "Sorry I didn't call you on Sunday as arranged. Bit busy. I promise I'll call tomorrow."

DH would say I'm the cryptic texter. Luckily, after a few months of him replying with '???' he started to get the gist, and now he knows me well enough to not need translation anymore. DD does the same. We converse solely in cryptic texts some days

Oooo a whole family of cryptic texters is epic! Only works if you’re on a similar wavelength though, or it could all go dreadfully wrong.

But you have no need to worry if Big Brother is watching you. They’ll have given up on you lot long ago!

A friend and I communicate almost entirely in gifs - we can have a whole conversation this way when we're in the mood. Dh looking over my shoulder just shrugs and sighs and asks me to let him know when we've decided the plans 😂

My DH won't use punctuation, so I had a text that read "text plumbers number mountain road shut", so I text the plumber to tell him the road was shut and the best detour to use.
Later DH asked me why I didn't text him the plumbers number and did I manage to avoid the mountain road.
I did try to explain the a full stop would have made the messages clearer.

Poor, bewildered plumber must have wondered why a complete stranger told him a certain road was shut, with detour instructions attached....

I think there's a massive difference between family code and being cryptic for dramatic purpose.

And, btw, I understood the plumber text completely (and no, I don't know the poster!)

My best friend has dyslexia and sometimes her messages are like a completely different language. I’m normally quite good at deciphering them eventually.

Recent example: Is when they no there not zoz

When I asked her to type it again, it turned out to be “Is it wrong though, when they know they’re not available? xox” (obviously in the middle of a conversation with context)

One of my friends at university. Amazing person, but her texts can take some deciphering, mostly because she seems to rush through them. "Homework" is always abbreviated down to "hw" (I understand it of course, but most write it out!) The other day, the words "I think sometimes" became "I honks ometimws." If she hadn't spotted the error immediately after sending and corrected, I don't think I would have been able to figure that one out.

Oh OP, I've had such a rotten night up with DS who has also been up since 5 hyper as ever and this post is exactly what I needed to read before my morning caffeine!!

Not cryptic as such, but my dad if he ever texts does that really brief text thing like
c u 8.

Or, and this makes me want to die

I wil cum round l8r

I want to die reading it now!

My mum used to be terrible but has improved. Her fave way of texting was to just forget vowels existed. Her best was

Gng 2 gm.

Which of course I should have immediately understood as 'I'm going to grandmas, if you want a lift I'll meet you at the bus stop' The lift part was implied obviously.

I mean, clearly.

@GrumpySausage
Before the translation, I would have read that as "Going to the gym."

I used to play a game with my best friend years ago when it was 3-4 letters & a number on a button. We'd turn on predictive text (so you only press each button once) and we would keep the first word the phone had suggested 😁