Worried about dd

[Anymom]

My dd is 12, almost 13. She has some mild learning difficulties and is struggling in school. She is quite vulnerable and is eager to make friends.
She has a mobile phone that I've always monitored. I have seen some messages that have worried me regarding an 16 year old male. Suggesting that they meet up and other messages from a friend asking if she is still sleeping with him. There is also a message to say shes slept with him.
I've spoken to dd and she insists she made everything up to impress her friends. She was very upset and begging me not to tell anyone. She said she doesn't even know the boy that well.
Now I'm really concerned about all of this but not sure what to do. Dd insists she was just making it all up and I dont want to get the boy into trouble if it is just a lie. But I'm so worried and can't stop thinking about this. I don't know what to do.

Evanthepossedsheep - can I ask what happened in your case? What was the outcome?
I know I need to tell school. I guess I'm worried they will judge my dd. Her behaviour has been poor lately and she has already been excluded for a short time.
Im also worried about betraying dds Trust. She was so distressed when I bought it up and I know this will be difficult for her. But I can't not do anything about it.

There was a similar situation at our school, but it turned out the girl had a crush on the older boy, and had an extra SIM card so was sending herself messages pretending to be from him so she could show her friends. The “relationship” grew and grew, until one friend told her parents. He was immediately suspended, and police were involved. It was such a trauma for his family, and happened right before exam time for him. Both parents were off work with the stress, and they moved away shortly after.
Obviously that may not be the situation with your daughter, and the coming home covered in mud and with ripped leggings would concern me but if she has made it up she really needs to see how lies can damage people’s lives.

I have knowledge of a few cases. In the ones where the parents and/or school didn't act promptly, the girls in question now self harm, have developed eating disorders, mental health issues etc. Those girls, at the time of the "relationships" with the older boys, would have sworn blind tat they were in love, it was all fine etc.

If it were my daughter, I'd move her schools. I'm sorry if that sounds like an overreaction, but even if your daughter is lying, that lie will follow her through school to her detriment. She needs a fresh start. Twelve years old, being excluded already, bunking off with sixth formers, probably having sex? She is a vulnerable little girl and she is taking the first steps down a very dangerous path. One of the good things about being a parent is that you can still fix things for them. She is young enough that you can fix this for her by giving her a fresh start. In your shoes I'd be looking at new schools, new hobbies, quite possibly some sort of therapy. Pick her up and lift her out of this. I'm just soneone on the Internet, I know, and as far as you're concerned I could be talking nonsense, but by Christ that's what I'd do. Otherwise I know how this goes

Ewan thanks for the advice. Dd has been self harming and not eating. There is a lot going on and she generally isn't coping in school with the SEN side of things.
Im not going to sit back and just let this continue so will have to inform the school.

When I worked in co-ed it was really, really not cool for a lad to be seen with a younger girl. I very much doubt whether this lad has had anything inappropriate going on with your daughter but she could be following him around or just chatted to her on the bus because he is a nice person. Or, he may be in the sixth form but could be equally vulnerable and people think it funny to throw them together. Whatever happens he needs to be spoken to by pastoral staff and his family to find out what is going on and to protect him. Your daughter making things up could seriously damage his future. However, it could be that there has been relations. Only by this lad being spoken to are you going to find out.

Poor you. It does sound like she's fallen in with the wrong sort of crowd.

Your poor DD, although I recognise she's played a part in lying and skving off school at only age 12, meeting with far older/wiser girls.

I cannot see any other reason a group of sixth form girls would want a 12 yr old hanging around other than to facilitate abuse. She's vulnerable to him and them, and they are having great fun at her expense.

It is indeed, sickening.

I hope you have spoken to the school now?

She cannot be trusted with a phone, and needs other support putting in place. She needs to go on abuse courses to understand healthy/toxic relationships, and work through what's happened to her.

Is she having periods? Have you done a.pregnancy test?

I would get his number blocked on the phone and unfriend on instagram if you can.
He may have put an older age on instagram but if 6th form then at least 16 and a half now.
There were girls at my school having sex at 13 and i guess boys are generally older.