Should I be upset (DP work colleague related)

[EEELA]

DP is moving on from his current role and has met the person who will be replacing him to give them a tour/advice etc. It's a normal part of work. He told me all about this and that it's a woman which be both agreed is great as his field is still quite male dominated. I didn't give it a second thought.

I have just found out that he sent a photo of her in his group chat with his friends. Started by "I met the person replacing me today", he was asked how they were etc and his reply was just her Facebook profile photo, followed by responses from his friends to the tune of "I'd hit that" (and other more vulgar alternatives). Is it me being precious or is that disrespectful to both me and her? Tbh, especially her, who is already battling against rife sexism in her workplace, being objectified by someone who calls himself a feminist? Also to me, his fiancée, that he's sending pictures of other women to his friends to "admire"?

I'm probably disproportionately upset as I've had a glass of wine, but at the same time it is making me look at my partner differently. I know some of his friends are sexist arseholes who I won't even tolerate being around, but I did think DP was different.

It's just banter. I wouldn't hive it a second thought, personally.

Give

I absolutely detest the use of the word 'banter' in any situation but especially ones like this! It is NOT 'just banter'!!! It is pathetic and embarrassing for grown up men to act like school boys over an attractive woman. It is also disrespectful to the OP considering the man she is going to marry was the instigator of this laddish behaviour.
The definition of banter is playful teasing or flirting. It is NOT a group of men sharing lewd comments and thoughts about a young woman!
I would mention you've seen the messages to your fiancé OP. Just tell him how you feel like you've done here. Hopefully he will be more aware of his actions/words in the future. Its ok if he finds other women attractive (as long as he doesn't act on it). It's not ok to be vulgar, sexist and degrading.

DP may seem different to his friends when he's with you, but clearly he's just as bad. There was no need for him to instigate that chat. If his colleague found out and told HR, your DP would look like he'd invited his friends to make that type of response and works have no excuse. The fact that he didn't shut it down when they made the comments shows he thinks it's fine, and that's what he expected from the chat. It must be disappointing to hear that he's as bad as his friends. Possibly their girlfriends all think the same about their partners (he's fine really, it's just his mates that are arseholes...) What's that saying about judging people by the company they keep?

Exactly what @BloominSloe said.

Why did he send her photo?? That is plain weird. Would he have done that with a male colleague? Sounds like he kicked off this “banter” - he must have known this would be the response...

God I hate it when people say 'it's just banter' when it's clearly asshattery.

These responses have validated me so much. Thank you.

I have no problem with him finding other woman attractive. I never have (we've been together 7 years). She's a very attractive woman and I respect her enough to admit that, and tbh if she needed to flirt to further her career in this field I'd support it (not that i think she should have to).

However, I have issue with my partner engaging in such lad-ish behaviour. Disrespecting her and me.

I don't know why he sent her photo. I presume to get the response that he got. He has never sent a photo of his male colleagues as far as I know. Nor do I think he would have in the exact circumstances if he was an unattractive female or a male.

DP has never had a good female role model. His parents divorced when he was young and he was raised by his dad with his brother, his uncles (also divorced) and his grandpa (grandmother died earlier). It's something I've always been a bit concerned about but shrugged off.

@IndigoDream I have said before to DP about him being judged by the company he keeps. The friends he sends it to are our friends from school. We've been friends since then and together since just before finishing our A levels, so naively I thought I knew them.