Moving to the Netherlands or stay in the UK unhappy?

[Hattifnatt88]

Hi,
I'm a Norwegian living in England, and have been here for 8 out of the last 10 years. I'm really unhappy, I'm a single mum and my ex isn't very nice. I have a 5 year old boy, and he's incredibly easy going and easy to please.

I have been "okay" living here for a while, but I can't picture myself living here forever. I really do not want that, and with Brexit, I feel this much more strongly. We live in poverty, and because I struggle with work due to mental health, it's really difficult to deal with this.
For various reasons that I don't want to discuss, moving to Norway is not an option right now.

I guess you can say I do have experience of expat life (I have lived in London, Essex and 3 different towns in Hampshire, as well as 2 cities in Norway where I'm from). I was happy the first two years in London, but since I have spent the remaining 8 here unhappy and in poverty.

The reason I am contemplating NL is that I now have a boyfriend there. He is okay with moving to the UK to be with us, but the more I think about it, the more I would rather take the chance and go there. I obviously need to do a lot more research, and eventually find out if my son's dad would allow it (he's a bit abusive towards me - not our son, so this might be difficult). It would be a huge upheaval for both me and my son, as we'd both need to learn a new language and adapt to a new environment. I appreciate it would be a major challenge.

Please don't think I'm anti-UK or anything, I'm not, it's just that this country doesn't allow me to be happy for some reason. I have a few lovely friends that I would miss, but no real support network, and no family other than my son. The schools in our town are also kind of terrible, but we are stuck in this flat due to being on UC. With Brexit, I don't actually know if I'd still be able to claim UC after, by which point we would either be homeless or have to leave the country anyway.

I'm not in any way thinking NL is the most fantastic place in the world, but I feel it might be a better option for us now.

Please, any advice or ideas? How can I make this decision?

I worked for a Dutch company for 20 years.
At times I was travelling regularly to Eindhoven.
The Dutch were generally friendly people. The ones I had contact with (work, hotels, taxis, cafes) spoke great English.
More shoe shops than anyone could ever want.
They tended to be more 'direct' than the British at least at work.

Norway isn't EU anyway is it? Or with its deal does it count as EU? You can apply for 'settled status' if you have been settled here. But leaving could impact coming back I guess, so you should check that.

Write a list of pros and cons for each option.
Then toss a coin to choose.
When it lands see if you are pleased or disappointed with the result.
Then only follow the coin if you are pleased and otherwise take the other option.

Thanks for the advice, I will write some lists and so on. I am confused as to what my heart/head wants and if they are in tune with each other. I simply don't know at this point.

Norway is EEA, I can freely live in NL, but after Brexit I am not sure what will happen, it completely depends if there is a no deal, the bad deal, or something else. The uncertainty is really stressing me out.

I can't see the UK not letting existing people stay here.
If they did that, then the rest of the EU would make it difficult for Brits abroad.
Everyone loses.

I appreciate that it is unlikely, though my dilemma still stands. I don't know if I want to live here at all, regardless of EU/Brexit position. I just need some help figuring it out, I guess.

Where in the Netherlands were you thinking of moving? Obviously some areas are better than others for English speaking and integration.

Is your ex British? I'm assuming he's your DC's father? Just wondering if he would give permission for you to move your DC out of the country?

Do you think you're just trying to run away from your problems? You say that the UK "doesn't allow you to be happy". That's a very sweeping statement and it sounds like you're avoiding taking responsibility for your own happiness and blaming it on a whole country instead! Do you think you'll do the same with Holland after a few years?

I think you need find out whether it’s possible because of exh first. It might not be possible? Other than that, go, life is too short.

How would you support yourself there? It's not definite that you would be entitled to any help and to rely on a new partner might be a mistake.

Not sure of area yet, it's still just a vague idea :)

HundredMilesAnHour you come across very defensive :D I just know that the culture and society that I am in currently is not one that I enjoy and feel comfortable in. I have tried, believe me. I made my life here, I want to be happy. I'm not anti-UK, I'm just finally admitting that it's not a place I want to be, or have my son grow up. That is not a judgement on what other families choose and feel happy with :) This is my facing my problems head on, and trying to deal with it the best I can.

ThroughThickAndThin01, yes I would need to discuss with my son's dad (we were never married). I'm going to take it very slowly, because I can't just jump into a big decision like this now that I have a child. I moved to London very much on impulse, and I regret it, haha!

MissWimpyDimple
I will get a small job as well as working self employed (I have an education that I'd like to use). I don't want to rely only on a partner ever again, as it leaves me in a very helpless position. But obviously it would be nice to do it together.