Failed pregnancy

[happychange]

Light bleeding today so went to the early pregnancy unit to be scanned. Told that I have a failed pregnancy.
Why do they call it failed pregnancy? Sounds so horrible like I failed :(
Anyway, anyone else have any experience of this? Can you tell me you've gone on to have healthy happy babies after? Feeling a bit sad and upset at the moment

I have nursed hundreds of women who have been in your position now and I can tell you I often see them, months or years later with a shocking case of hyperemesis but with a bump and very happy despite the sickness. I'm so sorry you're going through this now, they shouldn't have used those words and I wouldn't dream of saying those to a woman. You have not failed.

It's failed because it didn't actually establish, usually due to the cells not dividing properly. It's really really common, 1/4 of conceptions end like this and prior to accurate pregnancy testing people just assumed they were late, I have had two myself.

I'm sure OP knows that but that's still absolutely no excuse for that terminology to be used in front of the women.

There’s a lot of callous terminology around associated with miscarriage. It really doesn’t help.

I’m sorry for your loss.

After my first baby I had a miscarriage. I then went on to have 2 more healthy babies. Miscarriage is very very common. It’s not spoken about enough. It’s shit.

I had three early miscarriages (one was a missed one discovered at 8 weeks) then had two healthy girls who are at secondary school now. Both lovely girls. Sorry you've experienced this and i hope you get to have a baby in the future. The vast majority of people who've had a mc will do.

Thank you .. I guess When we had DS it was a really straightforward affair and I felt this time would be the same. Looks like not

I feel comforted by the fact that it just never meant to be, and it wasn't something I did.

Yes I think it's the terminology that is a bit upsetting.. failed.

Thank you to those who shared that they have healthy babies after, and for your losses too

OP in the future, if you ever feel up to it, you would be entirely within your rights to speak to PALS and get those staff members trained on avoiding harmful use of language you rest easy and take some time for yourself

@happychange I'm sorry you're going through this. I agree more compassion could be used when phrasing things about miscarriages. I was treated in a hospital abroad and they called it an abortion. I know that's the medical term, but it doesn't help to hear that. Take care of yourself! 💐

@OhDiddums oh gosh, sorry to hear that! In my head abortion is for terminations, not the same at all.

Thank you @Prequelle ❤️ the sonographer actually put "failed pregnancy" on my report

Maybe I'm projecting a bit of my frustrations on the word failed

@happychange exactly. If I wasn't so upset I'd have probably lost it. I hope you're feeling better soon! 💐

Very insensitive wording. So sorry

There really does need to be more thought put into this sort of thing - when my MMC was discovered at my 12-week scan, they left me waiting for a more senior midwife in a seat in the corridor right next to the machine where couples were collecting their scan photos :(

Same Spider. And then when I had to have an op to remove the mmc (the op was called something not nice too) they put me on an open ward with three heavily pregnant women.

happy I've had one called that too but to me it was a miscarriage and the word failed made me feel shit. I felt like a failure already as it was after ivf treatment. Really sorry they aren't sensitive and made you feel worse. I hope you have someone to give you a hug and fetch you a hot water bottle. Look after yourself.

SameSpider. And then when I had to have an op to remove the mmc (the op was called something not nice too) they put me on an open ward with three heavily pregnant women

This is something we hate. I'll try to move everyone around so a woman going through a miscarriage won't have to see a pregnant woman but sometimes it's impossible. I'm so sorry you went through that. I'm also dreading when I start showing myself because it might feel like a kick in the teeth to some

Prequelle Really heartening to hear some people and places are sensitive to that. Thank you on behalf of everyone you've done that for, it makes such a difference.

Hope you got some sleep last night Happy and you're doing alright today.

Thankyou enid

Thank you @EnidButton
I had a lot of bleeding yesterday, pretty much soaked 6-7 pads in the space of 3 hours but it seems to have slowed down a lot now, and I'm feeling a bit better. Just glad for it all to be over

In a way, it's better that there's no baby there as I wouldn't have liked to scoop it off the toilet