I have depression and would love some useful tips from people who've been through similar.

[creditRisk]

My baby is one years old. I was really happy and on a high when she was born and this lasted for a good few months. After which, I slowly became really stressed, felt isolated and just felt really down.
It sort of just creeped up onto me.
I've been to the doc and she's suggested I think of some lifestyle changes to help me as she thinks I could do this without meds. But has offered to put me on meds in a few weeks where she'll review how im getting on.

Some of the things I came up with are:
Getting out of the house everyday even if it's just to the supermarket.
Meal planning

The thing that really hinders/ makes things difficult for me-
Useless dh. He never looks after the kids so I never get any time alone to do jobs/ cook etc
Very clingy baby. I can't put her in a doing anymore as she's too big to carry.
No help from family - elderly parents with their own problems.

Are there any other things that you can think of?

I think talking to your dh and getting some support from him would be a good start.

Are there any baby groups near by, maybe the children's centre? Sometimes it's nice being able to talk to someone who isn't your DH or baby.

Are there any small farms that you could visit or even a journey by public transport just to break up your day?

Are you able to afford a day of nursery a week for your DC so that you actually get a break?

Planning helps so does structure and routine but not just for the baby, make your DC have a routine around you. Make plans to go out for walks, trips to the park with friends, etc.

Meal planning helps, getting out and dressed every day, even if it's just to buy a pint of milk. If anyone can help you with babysitting (family, friends, neighbours) ask them, even if it's just for an hour. Dress as best you can, get a haircut, eyebrows done etc. Start reading books, not parenting ones but ones you enjoy.

Sonicknuckles I've spoken to dh. Hes complained that I've been too negative lately which I am to be fair and says im not fun to live with. He has a tough commute and long day at work so feels he can't really help me much during the week. And on the weekends he says that's the only time he gets to recover/ relax/rest so he can't do everything.

Thank you. TheWashingMachine some great ideas there.

Things that are helping me:
Sleep (not a joke, sorry)
Keeping a diary so I have some marker of routine (I kept forgetting when it was).
Calm app, I found it much better than headspace.
Drinking enough water, I feel sluggish when I don't.
Also useful - reading, cooking, fresh air, counselling.

Tell your husband, to stop putting himself before everyone else all the time. He needs to step up, weekdays and weekends (when do you get to recuperate).

And on the weekends he says that's the only time he gets to recover/ relax/rest so he can't do everything. When do you get to relax and recover? You should have equal downtime. What does he suggest?

I found I had to sign up for classes because I just need a structure imposed on me.

Try and get some exercise.

Set some small targets for yourself. Do you have anything you do just for you?

What do you struggle with most? Energy levels or planning or motivation? When during the day are you at your best/worst?

What helped me most was medication- I take 300mg Venlafaxine MR & only get very short low times now.

If your depression is bad enough then go to see your gp to get help.

Sorry you are in this situation creditrisk

Things that would help:

1. Your DH to stop being such an ARSEHOLE! He has a long commute- when I had a baby and a job the commute was the best bloody part of the day! He goes to work, comes home and does F all. So he has a limit to his working hours and downtime. As a mother, with no help, you are working 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with no downtime. I had PND and read an academic book on it, and one of the main risk factors in whether a mum gets PND is lack of support firstly from partner, secondly from elsewhere. Your DH really needs to take some responsibility for his part in your “negative” outlook and get stuck in with his child.
2. Widen or get, a support network. Ok your DH is useless ATM. Do you have any mum chums? Do you get out to groups? Just having someone who can empathise with the fact you want to face plant on the carpet at stay and play, and need revived by buckets of strong coffee, can help. It can feel really intimidating going to groups, but everyone feels like that to start. Even if you just go for 30 mins to start getting into a routine with baby/toddler groups can be good for you and your baby.
3. Exercise. I have kind of permanent depression and I find exercise essential. I run, and am part of a club. This is the most effective tool in trying to prevent getting really unwell as it is exercise and socialising in one go! Of course there are lots of other ways to exercise but just about everyone I know who runs say it’s essential for their mental wellbeing so it is highly recommended. If DH works so hard maybe he could fund a babysitter if he’s not prepared to look after his own child?
4. Did I mention your DH should stop being an arsehole?

Either DH pulls his finger out and stops being a selfish arsehole or you ltb and get every other weekend off. Even if he remains an arsehole and does not take baby at least you are not cooking and cleaning for him.( Tis hard work being a single parent but the resentment of being a single parent in a marriage is worse and you get more sympathy from friends etc)

And what blackeyedgruesome says!

I think on Saturday and Sunday mornings you should take yourself off and go swimming, then go for a late breakfast in a cafe. Then go home and I bet you'll feel a lot better.

Your husband is selfish and stupid, too, if he can't see that his selfishness is making things difficult for you.

If you're still breastfeeding, perhaps think of stopping. (I'll get flamed for this.) I fed my children for over a year and found they were clingy; when I stopped, they were more willing to go to others.

Make sure you go to bed early - you really need your sleep.

Things that helped me Incase they also help you.
Get up earlier than the children and watch a tv ahkwbyou love/take a shower and do make up/ whatever you want to do for yourself. It sets your day off well.
Buy in drinks and food you really like!! I buy the children and partner treats and forget myself but lately have started buying things I love too.
Get nice clothes and make up and get your hair and eyebrows done and maybe fake tan if you like that sort of thing. When I look good I feel good. Also nice shampoo and bubbles.
When I’m not working I tend to be cleaning all the time so I bought a bunch of cleaning stuff I am “excited” to use like method sprays that smell nice and nice washing gels, Exocet washing up liquid. Makes the boring parts of the day a little nicer.!

I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this

One thing I have found helps is keeping a diary of three moments a day that were enjoyable. Sometimes it’s just ‘reading MN for 5 minutes’, sometimes it’s more substantial! This has two benefits - firstly, it’s a form of focus/ meditation/ mindfulness. Secondly, I can read it back from previous days and weeks and realise that there have been things to enjoy every day, even when things feel very bleak.

I also second exercise and drinking water

Thanks everyone for your useful tips. Im going to jot a few things down and make a plan.

ItStartedWithAKiss241 I love the idea of making boring parts of the daily grind more fun!