Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

To live alone or in a professional houseshare?

68 replies

googleismyfriend · 22/03/2019 11:47

Tell me what you would do in my position...
Salary: 20k ish
Age: early 20s

Pros of professional houseshare:

  • cheaper
  • will be less lonely
  • safer to live in a professional houseshare as a lone female
Cons:
  • will be moving in with strangers

Pros of living alone:

  • don't have to deal with potential messy people
  • don't have to deal with potential noisy people
  • DP can come round on weekends more comfortably - don't know if housemates would be annoyed if a DP stayed over every other weekend
Cons:
  • much more expensive
  • need to save for a property
  • might get lonely
  • might feel on edge being alone

What would you do??

OP posts:
notacooldad · 22/03/2019 13:42

When I was your age and in the same position I opted to live by myself.
I had control over who came into the house, what volume (and indeed taste) music was being played, the tidy the house was etc.
Of course it was more expensive but it gave me a better piece of mind than having strangers and friends of strangers around.

babysharkah · 22/03/2019 14:21

House share. You're young, it could be fun and you can save more.

Original poster
googleismyfriend · 22/03/2019 15:49

I would house share in a heartbeat if I was guaranteed good housemates. Does anyone know who would fall under "professionals"? I'm hoping there's a lesser chance of having noisy housemates who party a lot if we are all professionals

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Property
DarlingNikita · 22/03/2019 15:54

Does anyone know who would fall under "professionals"?

Might work better if you approach it the other way round and only answer ads from people who talk about themselves as being 'quiet' or not wanting a 'party house' etc. And/or, if you're advertising for housemates, specify that, and talk about it whenever you go to view a place/meet potential sharers.

Apart from anything else, using the word 'professionals' might knock out graduate students, who IME are great housemates as they're often out studying/working/socialising and, when they are home, spend a lot of time in their room studying!

notacooldad · 22/03/2019 16:00

I'm clearly in the minority!!
House sharing us my kind of hell.

The people, uf you are lucky might be great but I've seen too many shares go wrong. Normally when a sharer starts bringing a boy or girlfriend over. I've heard if issues such as gf or bt practically living there is extra living charges going up ( water meter, electric with extra hair dryng, not going out etc) and other issues
Lifestyle differences gzve caused issues.coming in at different times if the night, especially if you are working can cause problems.One if my old mates had a sharer who had no issue with doing coke in front of everyone!! From what I remember he did get busted! Thst was a messy time! Another had friends who were extremely intimidating!!
Theres something to be said for having your own peace.

I was the only one out of my crowd who didnt share. I was the one with the least problems. Even with close friends little pettiness crept in.

Good luck with what you decide though.

StarJumpsandaHalf · 22/03/2019 16:15

Bear in mind that same as you’d like your BF over everyone else might want theirs too. You have no control over who lives with you.

Yes, you could get lucky and enrich your life with lovely new people, but it could be a nightmare.

I’d look for somewhere fairly short term until you get settled in to your new role.

Iflyaway · 22/03/2019 16:25

Bear in mind that same as you’d like your BF over everyone else might want theirs too. You have no control over who lives with you.

True that.

don't know if housemates would be annoyed if a DP stayed over every other weekend

I personally would be very annoyed if my share of the bills was subsidising your DP (water, electricity etc.), never mind the intrusion of a stranger staying over every other weekend.
Occasional visitors, no problem.

INeedNewShoes · 22/03/2019 16:28

Professionals unfortunately does include noisy, messy, inconsiderate people.

I lived in one awful professional houseshare where I dreaded going home and another great houseshare which was really good fun and worked well. However, even the great houseshare required quite a bit of compromise to make it work and I eventually reached the point where I wanted to be able to shower, use the washing machine, play the music I wanted and have the ability to invite people to stay without it all having to work around other people.

You could houseshare for a year then review.

Arnoldthecat · 22/03/2019 16:37

Whats a professional house share?

Original poster
googleismyfriend · 22/03/2019 16:45

A professional houseshare is a houseshare with professionals- so what I'd expect are doctors, lawyers, accountants etc but I could have a wrong understanding of the word professional

OP posts:
DarlingNikita · 22/03/2019 16:53

That's a pretty precise definition of the term 'professional', I'd say –correct, but more limited than how most people use it.

Personally I understand it to cover basically anyone in a job, earning money. As opposed to a student or someone on benefits, for example. You might need to be careful about your and other people's understanding of the term.

Arnoldthecat · 22/03/2019 16:53

I am wondering, should we pick our housemates simply by the job of work they do? Having certain types of work is of course not a guarantee of other attributes that we may find desirable in house mates.

For me, the ideal house mate(s) would be someone who i got along with, had mutual respect, were clean and tidy, didnt do drugs,didnt smoke, did come home pished, could share things like cooking,cleaning etc. I'd like them to be working but their actual job would not be terribly important to me. Of course they would have to have a certain level of intelligence so that we could have decent conversations and interactions.

notacooldad · 22/03/2019 16:54

Be careful Op! In my beck of the woods it's the ' professionals ' that are getting busted for coke.
The more working class stick to weed!!!

LittleKitty1985 · 22/03/2019 17:53

The secret to finding good housemates is honesty! When they interview you, be very clear about your own strengths and flaws as a housemate, and also what you're looking for in them. This includes the specifics of what you mean by "clean" or "quiet" or "sociable" as everyone might describe themselves this way but everyone has different standards and expectations.

shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 22/03/2019 18:26

At your age/salary I opted for house shares and would recommend the same for you

Usually you will get the chance to meet the other occupants when you view the house with a view to moving in (assuming you like them and they like you) and you will generally have a gut feeling about whether you will be happy or not. Don't rush and visit several to get a feel for which will suit you best. It's also a good way of making new friends if you're in a city where you don't know many people.

The alternative is being a lodger which I also did for a year or so. My 'landlady' was lovely, she was about 30 and I was 23 at the time, she worked away quite a lot which suited us both as I got the house to myself for several evenings a week and she had the security of knowing the house wasn't empty.

ForalltheSaints · 22/03/2019 18:50

I was able to live alone at that age. If you can afford it then do so.

SarahAndQuack · 22/03/2019 18:57

I always thought in this context 'professional' means 'not students'.

I'd house-share in my 20s. It's horrible but it's character-building. But, if possible, I would find a house with 1) a decent big bedroom and 2) a lock on the door. That way, if you do find your housemates are not very nice, you can just treat it as a bedsit.

But yes, it definitely isn't safer than living alone. Sorry.

gamerwidow · 22/03/2019 19:08

‘Professional’ in this context means someone with a job rather than the type of employment.

DarlingNikita · 22/03/2019 19:18

I always thought in this context 'professional' means 'not students'.

Yes.

CaptainSquirrel · 22/03/2019 19:21

Yeah 'professional' just means 'someone with a job'. I house shared a couple of times around your age. The best one was actually a big old rambling house with lots of people, which seems odd but because it was so big there were plenty of bathrooms, lots of spacious communal areas and people came and went and did their own thing so you could choose if you wanted to hang out with someone or be alone. It felt a lot less claustrophobic than the worst one which on the face of it sounded perfect - nice little purpose built flat all clean and modern, one other working woman ... but she was a nightmare to live with for various reasons (none of which were apparent before I moved in), and because she was the only other person there it felt like the entire environment was hostile, even though it's was supposed to be my home.

hoorayforharoldlloyd · 22/03/2019 20:12

I love in London so house shared for years - the majority of people do and it's not really affordable to do anything else - I loved it and made at least one genuine friend per house share.

My tips would be:
Don't share as a two - 3.or 4.of.you creates a buffer zone and less intensity
Don't share with friends - strangers tend to have better personal boundaries and relax them over time
Look for a house share that advertise as being friendly for a cup of tea and a chat but also do their own thing
You will know whether it's a party house usually but no harm in checking - I used to go out 3 or 4 times a week but never brought the party home.
Partner every other weekend makes you a good housemate!
Personally I find other people easy to live with but I think it all hangs on taking your time to look for a place and people who suit you.

Original poster
googleismyfriend · 22/03/2019 20:18

The problem is not knowing whether potential housemates will be druggies/messy/noisy- I might not even get the chance to meet them beforehand if it's done through an estate agency

OP posts:
DontCallMeCharlotte · 22/03/2019 20:22

I've done both. Had a couple of okay house shares but much preferred living alone. Didn't have to walk on eggshells in case someone had PMT or something.

LookImAHooman · 22/03/2019 21:18

The problem is not knowing whether potential housemates will be druggies/messy/noisy- I might not even get the chance to meet them beforehand if it's done through an estate agency

When I was looking for houseshares at your age, I did it all through Spareroom (was also a lodger at one point and also found it there). Then you usually get to meet the people you’d be living with, or it’d in theory at least be easier to arrange.

And yy to PPs pointing out the meaning of ‘professional’ in this context. In your shoes, I’d look for a house share. I shared with people who become friends and conversely with people who were always pleasant and friendly but very private. On your salary, new graduate or not, I’d definitely be looking for a share and saving up the difference (which could quite easily be £300-350pcm or even more, based on the figures you’ve quoted). That seriously adds up. Worst case scenario, you can always look for somewhere else if it doesn’t work out. People manage it Wink

howmanybiscuits · 22/03/2019 23:51

A professional houseshare is a houseshare with professionals- so what I'd expect are doctors, lawyers, accountants etc but I could have a wrong understanding of the word professional

Professional in this context simply means not students. It doesn't mean doctors / lawyers etc.