Big wedding on a budget

[Firstty]

We are getting married next year. We have kids, are in our late 30s and have both lived in a lot of different cities over the years which all results in a massive guest list with lots of kids. Probably 150 day and 50 evening guests. We have found a big barn with lots of room for our guests which isn't too expensive. There is no corkage and we can do whatever we want for food and decorations. Can we do this on around £7000? What are your tips for keeping costs low?

I don't think it's rude, just that normally it's about venue size or cost pp on a wedding breakfast.

Where is the actual ceremony?

You can get the bridesmaids dresses awful cheap online from the States. Is Dessy still a thing? Back when I got married, everyone was getting cheap dresses from Dessy in a size up and just getting them altered here.

Although the Debenhams sale is always a handy option.

We cut corners by not bothering with a videographer or a photographer. One of our mates had a good camera and we asked him to to the group shots. Only took 5 mins. And one pal had a video camera and tripod and we asked him to set it up and let it roll during the ceremony and the speeches. Obvs that was both people's wedding present!

We got the cake as a wedding gift but tbh otherwise it would have been M+S all the way.

We had no cars and no band, we had a DJ from 8.30 to 1.30am. He charged us about 600 I think?

We made the booklets for the service ourselves (I nicked a guillotine from work) and I bought favours on Ebay.

Evening guests aren’t rude unless you’re expecting people to travel a long distance (you’re not), have sent save the dates to those on the evening only list (another money saving tip- don’t bother with physical the dates) or have invited people on the hen/stag but not to the actual wedding (again no indication you’re doing this). Local colleagues are exactly the type of guests that should be an evening invite in my opinion!

That said, the best weddings I’ve been to have been after lunch starts; no one peaks too early, meals are at meal times and it will save you a lot of money on drinks. You could do something like a 2pm ceremony followed by an afternoon tea reception then a big buffet when the evening guests arrive at 7pm?

Honestly, I would say do not skimp on food. Get caterers who know what they’re doing and can get hot food served to a lot of people. Even better, they’ll clean up too.

I really dislike the trend for asking guests to bring food- come to my wedding, buy clothes and gifts and bring your own meal?! Then there’s the question of all these randomers’ hygiene and choice of ingredients.

Nothing worse than a wedding where you aren’t fed properly.

Easily done.

Look in TK maxx or online for your bridesmaids dresses and your dress.If you buy online from abroad make sure you use someone that has really good reviews from people in the Uk and go to local bridal shops and try on dresses and get a clue of what style you like and what suits you,it makes it so much easier when your looking online for a dress.

That's how I got my dress and it was the same as the one I loved and had seen in a bridal shop here but cost me £1,000 less.

Dunelm mill sell really lovely artifical flowers that can be used as bouquets for you and your bridesmaids,you can add ribbon/diamante pins for a couple of extra pounds to make them look like you've bought them from a bridal shop.

If your using fresh flowers for your button holes,bouquets and table decorations check out the prices of local independent flower stalls compared to the local supermarkets.If your buying alot of fresh flowers an independent stall will usually do you a good deal and some can even make up button holes for you.

When I got married myself,my Mum and my Matron of honor made the bouquets for me and my Matron of honor and my bridesmaid,the buttonholes for everyone(they're really easy once you get the hang of them)and made all of the table decorations.

It only took us a couple of hours the night before to make all of the button holes and do all the table decorations(lovely fresh flowers in unsual jam jars for our vintage summer garden wedding)the bouquets were artificial flowers and we made those a couple of weeks before)and I made a fresh flower bouquet to throw.

We bought matching suits for my DH,my Dad,and our 2 oldest sons(they were my DH's best men)online,we also bought our youngest DS's suit online.

My DH designed and made our save the date cards,invitations and thankyou cards online.He's brilliant with anything like that so if you or your future DH or a family member or friend has a really good printer and is able to make them for you you can save a small fortune on invitations ect.

If you have the same people at your wedding throughout the day(so no seperate day and evening guests)then you could have the hog roast for one meal and then do a high tea(cakes,scones, savouries and sandwiches)for the other meal,you can order platters from Waitrose and M&S.Depending on when your getting married and your guests you may want to have the cooked meal in the evening.

With the wedding cake places like M&S,Waitrose and Patisserie Valerie are usually the cheapest and the cakes usually taste as good as they look.

That or if you have a friend or family member that would like to make the cake for you as a wedding present that could save you £200-£300 at least.

Ask for money instead of gifts and you could break even and not actually spend a penny (£50 x 200 guests = £10,000)

That's what we did

Ask for money instead of gifts and you could break even and not actually spend a penny (£50 x 200 guests = £10,000)

Wow, what on earth makes you think an established couple in their late 30s who already have kids would justify a wedding gift of £100 per couple? I'd buy a token present in those circumstances, a plant for the garden or something. Also why should other people stump up for your vanity day? CF

@NaturalBornWoman Why should their age or the fact they have children affect the gifts they receive?? I would happily give them £50, which I think is a pretty standard amount for a wedding gift. & if I were them & received a plant as a gift I'd be very confused & assume the guest was having financial problems (but not offended, because any gift would be appreciated of course)

I would happily give them £50

There you go. LittleKitty’s going to start the ball rolling for your wedding fund. Just PM her your bank details.

Just PM her your bank details.

I'll pop the cash in a card. Where's my invite?

Seriously though, surely most guests would rather give cash than have the faff of choosing a gift... which would probably only end up getting returned for a refund anyway

Do you need a DJ? I've been to weddings where the couple did their own playlist.

Wedding favours are stupid and pointless IMHO.

Get your drinks from the supermarket. We had barrels of beer too but you need someone who knows how to deal with them.

Bridesmaids dresses from Ebay.

Your wedding dress doesn't have to be "traditional". Mine was as DF insisted on paying but I rather regret that now.

M&S do nice cakes.

Why should their age or the fact they have children affect the gifts they receive??

Because the point of a wedding gift is to help towards getting the couple started in their married life together. Hence the tradition of a wedding list in a store. That's not so popular now as many people already have all the household stuff they need. The idea of asking for the equivalent amount of cash is somewhat grabby, especially when you're a long established couple/family. Getting married at that stage doesn't signify a major life event to me either, so I'd be surprised if the couple didn't specify no gifts.

@NaturalBornWoman Perhaps we run in different circles, but their situation is not unusual to me - the vast majority of the weddings I've attended have been established couples in their 30s, some with kids, & DH & I generally give them £100 as a gift. Personally I think it would be extremely cheeky to go to a wedding where you're provided with food, booze and entertainment & then not give them anything.

For our wedding we just said "we don't need any gifts as we have everything we need, however if you want to contribute to our future together it would be very much appreciated. Bank details are..." Perhaps some people thought that was cheeky, but plenty of people said it was a good idea & we averaged about £50 per guest (with a large standard deviation) which offset the cost of the wedding (or paid for the honeymoon, if you'd rather think of it that way). Whereas the few gifts we also received have mostly sat unused in a drawer ever since.

I got my cake from Mark's and sparks. It was fully iced and decorated and was lovely. Youd never know that it was under 100.
Dress was ex hire for 100 and I loved it.
Decorated the church myself with candles and flowers. Hotel was very reasonable per head and was a cosy setting.
Only had my sister as bridesmaid and no friends (so none offended) and her dress was monsoon.

So many areas where you can save without compromising anything.

@NaturalBornWoman Perhaps we run in different circles, but their situation is not unusual to me - the vast majority of the weddings I've attended have been established couples in their 30s

Yes I expect we do live in different circles. For me a big wedding signifies a beginning and marriage as a major life event. When couples decide to marry after many years together and already have a family it's simply a matter of putting the relationship on a different legal footing. I'm not really sure what is actually being celebrated; the commitment came far earlier surely, so it isn't a public declaration of that, they aren't a couple of young people just getting a start in life, saving for furniture for their first house, it's just the desire to have a 'wedding'. I can't see how any reasonable person would think it appropriate to solicit contributions to that and I'd expect a no gifts mindset from a couple in this situation.

Please make sure your guests are warm and properly fed. If it's in a barn it's not like people can nip to a local shop if you leave them without food for hours.

We got married last year, although it was for a small number (50 in total) we did it on a very tight budget (around £3000 including absolutely everything) and you can definitely do it.

Our ceremony was at 12.30 and then we had a reception elsewhere. We served prosecco on arrival (served by the caterers and helped out by our friends) and it was a byob venue so we told people they could bring more alcohol if they wanted to - if we'd had a bigger budget we would have supplied more. We had a buffet style lunch provided by local caterers which was lovely, was £500 in total but really great food that included stuff like spanakopita and lovely salads as well as sandwiches. We supplied a cheese board (made up of cheese we bought from the supermarket). We also had a cake table which served as dessert and our favourite thing was the tea station we set up, we had an hot water urn and lots of different types of teas, coffees and hot drinks, my friends still talk about it now as being a highlight :)

DIY-wise everyone got a hand-decorated mug (with their initial) as a favour and we put out paper plates and cups and wooden cutlery, setting up all the tables the night beforehand with extra plates and cups by the cake table. We hired tablecloths and decorated the venue ourselves with friends which was fun (but also stressful!). We also got our table flowers from Asda and I arranged them in jars for each table the night before. My flowers and the buttonhole for my husband we ordered from a local florist and I picked it up on the way to the ceremony as it was around the corner - £40 in total. We hired a pub for the evening so didn't have to think about food or drink then so can't help on that front, although we provided some big bowls of crisps and some of the leftover cake from the reception for people to snack on if they wanted. Oh yeah I also bought party bags, cut them down to size and filled them with confetti and sealed them with "throw me" stickers - was cheap and fun to do myself, just took up part of an afternoon.

Being on a budget can be stressful but make you more creative! Try and have fun with it if you can :) our wedding wasn't what I ever thought it would be, it was very basic and definitely not to most people's tastes but it was such a lovely day and people really liked and appreciated the personal touches (like being able to make tea how they like it in their own mug!). We had a lot of great feedback about how lovely, relaxed and fun the day was.

Sorry for the huge post I also just wanted to say re: gifts, we said people coming was enough as it was very short notice and people came from far and wide (we did it all in 2 months from booking the date). Also we weren't exactly spending ££££ per head so it felt cheeky! But we had so many people ask us that we just asked them to contribute to an ikea account if they really wanted to give us something as we've been living together for years and don't need the usual stuff people usually get given for weddings, and didn't want to risk people giving us stuff we wouldn't be able to use.

I 100% agree with Natural. The ones that make me laugh are the people who have this big wedding when they've been married before and ask then ask for money on top of that. What a laugh!

We have a wedding of similar size (100 day and 80 evening) that is coming in at £8k.

Things that have helped keep costs down

-invites and wedding stationery from VistaPrint - I got mine on Black Friday when they were 50% off but there are often deals
-bridesmaids dresses from Dorothy Perkins, 2 of the dresses were in the sale
-Wedding cake from M&S and then to make sure we have enough pieces for everyone we got additional cutting bars rather than an extra tier

• Flowers - I am having a traditional bouquet but my bridesmaids are having wrist corsages
• no fancy wedding car just using a taxi
• pulling in favours from everyone regarding music

-wine coming by the case from Aldi (you can order online)

It can definitely be done it's just about making sure the important things are covered and then working out what extras you definitely want. As long as everyone has as everyone is happy and having a nice dance we will be happy. Just didn't want anyone going hungry or too long a wait between parts of the day.

Er, I'm not sure why some kind of debate about presents and whether or not our wedding is a big deal has opened up! For the record we are not asking for any presents and we were not going to have a large wedding until we got engaged and everyone started telling us how excited they were for the big day. We've both had a bit of a tough time before we met each other and we have prioritised house buying and baby making before a wedding so everyone is delighted for us and we just want to give our family and friends a day they will enjoy- everyone knows there is no pressure to come if they don't want to.

Could you ask people to bring a dish and a bottle (instead of a present) for the afternoon meal and then provide a hog roast etc for the evening?

things i cannot remember about other people's weddings, and therefore are probably easy to skimp on or skip entirely:

• the type of invitation
• flowers on table or at ceremony
• any other room decoration (have never understood chair covers)-

• what cars people arrived in

- buttonholes/bouquets

• favours
• whether there was a band/disco/someone's iphone plugged in

whether i paid for my own drinks or not

• what the cake was like

things I definitely remember about other people's weddings:

• how easy it was to get to or stay at (IMO when the lion's share of guests there and back in a day is best)
• sensible timings and quantities of food
• ease of getting a drink (don't mind buying my own, do mind milling about a church for 3.5 hours with no refreshments while photos are done).